What is "my league"?


I refuse to believe any woman is “out of my league,” but this doesn’t mean I’m not intimdated by some women who I find beautiful or more successful. But this also doesn’t mean I won’t talk to beautiful or successful women: whether or not that conversation ever ventures further than conversation though is another question, but I don’t know that it has anything to due with “leagues.” Or does it?

What is “my league”? Does it mean that I have the ability to ask a certain woman on a date without apprehension? Does it mean that I feel a certain dominance and control of the situation? Does it mean that I can be the breadwinner?

Having a league seems hierarchical, and when, at base, she is just a woman just as I am a man, and the only thing which might disqualify any relationship ought to be our compability, there oughtn’t to be anything hierarchical about sexuality - but this isn’t so, is it?

Men and women in positions of greater prestige enjoy be chased after, don’t they? It’s a power play. “If you really want me, come and get me, but you’ve got to try harder than that - you’ve got competition!” What nonsense! If you’re interested, then what’s with the games?

Maybe the only league is one of meaningless self-comparison.


*Hi Epistemes;

I'd say that the whole 'out of my league' phrase is so...I dunno...shallow? I don't know the right word today. lol But, if you seek women who love the Lord as much as you do...strive to be holy...and you are compatible...that is a league to belong to. :) I wouldn't get caught up in the secular world's view of ''being in someone's league.'' If you are attracted to a beautiful woman, but she doesn't care about God, is arrogant, etc...who cares what ''league'' she is in, you know? Set your sights on people who put God first, and the rest will fall into place. Just my two cents worth.*


I think our leagues are pretty much in our own heads. You may think someone is hotter, richer, smarter, classier, whatever-er than you are, but if you don't think that there's no problem. The two people might not click, but then again if you start by thinking you're not equals, you'll never find out.


It’s just a convenient way to describe people who are roughly your equals in terms of desirability as a partner, in other words people you have a reasonable chance of romantic success with.

Like it or not, people aren’t equal, some are far more desirable than others (whether it’s because of physical attractiveness or professional success). But it’s not like this is set in stone, and there’s always a chance that the most desirable woman or man will be attracted to someone generally considered undesirable.


My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years is wayyy out of my league- hopefully she won't realize this any time soon!

Honestly, when friends and acquaintances from college would meet or see a picture of my girlfriend for the first time, that would almost always say "wow, your girlfriend is REALLY pretty" with a questioning look on their faces. :thumbsup:


Well, there is a certain degree of physical computability that is often referenced in regards to being in or out of ones league, and I've been approached by women in the past where I could barely tell they were female, much less the thought of it turning into something more then just friendship. I find it odd where some have such a self distorted image, that they honestly have no clue as to who they are, really deep down, physical, emotional, moral, spiritual as well. Taking it further, does one who is devout to God and the church fit in the same league as someone that sleeps around and has no interest in God much less the church? Clearly they are not in the same league,. yet at the same time, being a devout follower with a moral code is very appealing to some very beautiful women, so even though at first glance, you may not consider yourself compatable, looking at the whole picture, you stand a much better chance then if you have better physical traits and relied upon them alone.

I have to admit here, it seems that women overall do place emphasis along physical appearance less then us guys tend to do, so keep this in mind should you find yourself second guessing yourself as to who'm you can approach.


The “League” is an institutionalised perception of relative attractiveness of a potential partner. A number of people will try to find a partner a little above their own such level of attractiveness, a bit like some try to land jobs a bit above their level of competence. This would be considered landing a bargain. Others will try to match the partner’s relative attractiveness against their own. Yet others will simply choose where they fish.

As long as you aren’t demanding anything you aren’t giving (as applicable… as I think you have hairier legs than you seek in a woman, for instance, and that’s reasonable :p), you’re okay in my book. Personally, I agree with you on refusing to work within the leagues concept, but I wouldn’t pick prey vastly superior to me, its hunter, just to prove there were no leagues to me. :stuck_out_tongue: Obviously, if you found a drop-dead pretty super-Catholic super-faithful super-moral woman with several advanced degrees, controlling shares in a big corp and an illustrious pedigree, then I wouldn’t know what she would be supposed to see in me. :stuck_out_tongue:


quote="chevalier, post:7, topic:180197", :p


It's winter. Don't bet on it!



I think that you are wise to ignore trying to stay in your league. It will open up the playing field and make you available to a lot of good catholic girls who might make a good match but who aren't conventionally attractive.


One of the reasons my wife agreed to marry me was that Harrison Ford was out of her league. :D


[quote="flyingfish, post:4, topic:180197"]
It's just a convenient way to describe people who are roughly your equals in terms of desirability as a partner, in other words people you have a reasonable chance of romantic success with.

Like it or not, people aren't equal, some are far more desirable than others (whether it's because of physical attractiveness or professional success). But it's not like this is set in stone, and there's always a chance that the most desirable woman or man will be attracted to someone generally considered undesirable.


This pretty much is what I think it means too. A sense of being "equal" in terms of looks, socio-economics, education etcetc.

Again, not set in stone, but a general sense.

Of course there is the equaling factors that you see happen as well. Powerful, rich man (who may not be as attractive)can get a younger beautiful woman simply because he has something to "offer" (power, $$) in our culture..

I find the "league" thing is very representative our the state of our culture, and it certainly leaves God out of the equation.



All I know is that my league consists of guys who don't shower, have no jobs, or have a criminal record. That's what being a fat girl has to settle with. Add that I'm also shy and Catholic, and I become a crazy cat lady at 28. :)


I am proof that "leagues" mean nothing! Cheer up Country Singer!


Exactly my point about “leagues”…They keep God out of the equation… :frowning:

Leagues are very limited to this corrupt culture in very many ways…


Catholics can make their own leagues too, it just depends on what a particular group of people values. A faithful Catholic woman for example would not be in the league of a guy who looks at porn all the time.


I don't really get this whole "out of your league thing." No one is out of your league unless you think so. And truthfully, I hope whoever you end up with you are awe-stuck by, then you can say I am one lucky guy she is "out of my league" :-)


I believe that there are more men who think about this league business than women. I know many beautiful and successful women who are unable to get a date regardless of the looks or successfulness of the men. It is the men who freak out when they compare their success or educational level or car against these women. There was a great article on this a few years back and the women in this category were called SWANS (successful women and no spouse). I’ve had men who were very interested, trying to buy me a drink, etc and then after they asked what I do for a living, they visibly had a negative reaction and excused themselves. I know that all men are not this way but some seem to take the competition with other men and apply it to women also. They are fine so long as I’m just a woman they find physically attractive, but once they realize that I might have a job they find more prestigious than their own or better “toys” it kills their attraction. I’ve tried simply saying that I work for “the government” but most men seem determined to find out the specifics and they will just keep digging.


How frequently does this happen to you? Does it happen more often with religious or secular men? Do men of an equal status to yourself also react this way, or only men of lower status than you?


That is interesting and unfortunate that happens to you. I want to share a related experience.

Several months ago I was traveling alone and decided to eat dinner at a bar which was supposed to be a nice local place rather than sit alone in my hotel room. Shortly after sitting at the bar quietly an attractive woman who could have been 10 years my senior (maybe less) sat down next to me and ordered an interesting drink. So I commented on it and we got to talking. When I asked her what she did, she said - ‘Oh I work in the hospital not too far from here’ and I responded - ‘oh that is great, I take it you are a doctor then?’ And probably due to my positive tone and the fact I assumed she was a doctor (rather than asking if she was a nurse) she smiled really brightly and said yes. We had a very pleasant conversation for over an hour before heading our separate ways after finishing our meals… I never saw her again.

I think the fact I didn’t act put off or intimidated by the fact she was a doctor made her feel comfortable… I didn’t realize it at the time, but I am pretty sure she experiences the above situation quite a bit due to the geographic location she is in. I am sure she makes more money than 95% of the guys in the region, which probably makes it hard to find a boyfriend.


Speaking from a guy’s perspective…I find it to be about equal between men who are religious or secular.

One of my secular guy friends is happily married to a girl who makes more than him.

I am friends with another couple that are engaged (both are Catholics and plan to have a Catholic wedding) where she makes ALOT more than he does (he is a teacher). They mentioned to me that the priest brought up their income disparity as a possible ‘issue’ a few times during Pre-Cana and asked him if he was ok with it and how he felt about his wife being the bread winner and the main provider.

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