I'm really in a low spot mentally right now and have plenty of time to think. Which is not always a good thing, especially with the OCD. Anyhoo, I've been trying to make sense of what my vocation is, what my role is in the life of the Church, what God expects of me...that sort of thing.
I have many chronic mental and physical illnesses that keep me from working. I have periods off and on where I am physically/mentally able to do light volunteer work, but not as often as I probably should be doing I suppose. I can't pray much due to the mental problems. We can't have children due to infertility and are financially unable to adopt due to all my health care costs. If I could have kids, I KNOW what my calling would be. But things are so uncertain because that door is closed to us. I can't just go start a career, because my health won't allow it. I feel so helpless, useless. I know God doesn't make mistakes, but what on earth could my purpose in being here in such a state be? So I'm a married woman, stay at home wife, can't be a mother, can't work and so feel like I have failed in being a wife and mother, Child of God and member of the Church. I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing, or what God wants in all this. I've tried getting spiritual direction, but they don't seem to know either. :shrug: :(