what is off limits in the bedroom


#1

My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

Confused. :confused:


#2

[quote=drknbrew]My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

Confused. :confused:
[/quote]

Dear drknbrew.

Welcome. I’m Alan. You have picked a topic that a lot of people have strong feelings about.

My opinion is you and your wife figure it out between you. Take what you hear here, do not take any of it personally but as simply brainstorming. Use what you find is right, and you don’t owe us any detailed information, nor do you need to account to anyone here if you don’t agree.

Good luck. I love these boards, but my wife says I’m addicted to them. :slight_smile:

If you don’t get the answer you are seeking, see what feedback you get and try to ask a different way or just say what you don’t understand. Many people here are knowledgeable and helpful.

Alan


#3

It all boils down to: climax outside of intercourse is not allowed.

If you’re going to have intercourse, anything you do leading up to intercourse that’s not offensive, degrading or dangerous is OK.

If you’re not going to have intercourse, you must be aware of your personal “point of no return” and not go beyond it. As married people, you have rights that single people do not in regards to touching each other and expressing love, even when you do not intend to “go all the way.” You simply must not go so far in this expression that climax is inevitable. Newlyweds have more leeway here, because they’re just learning about their sexuality. Mistakes happen when you’re learning. But God knows your intentions, and you cannot plan an “accidental” climax.

Also, because of the differences between men and women, you need to be careful not to lead your spouse into solitary sin. What is a “safe” level of stimulation for one may be too much for the other. Keep communicating!

God bless you!
Betsy


#4

[quote=baltobetsy]It all boils down to: climax outside of intercourse is not allowed.

[/quote]

I slight correction. A woman may climax before actual intercourse takes place as long the act is followed through with intercourse. Oral sex is allowed as foreplay but one must finish with intercourse.


#5

[quote=drknbrew]My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

Confused. :confused:
[/quote]

Just make sure you deposit your seed where it’s supposed to be deposited. If you do anything sexual with your wife, you just need to finish up in the right place–otherwise what you’re doing is not open to life.


#6

[quote=rayne89]A woman may climax before actual intercourse takes place as long the act is followed through with intercourse.
[/quote]

You’re so right - or after, also! As long as it’s in the context of intercourse, the woman’s climax may occur at any point, before, during or after. Thanks for the clarification.

Betsy


#7

I would like to be a bit more explicit:

Is it allowed to have genital contact without reaching climax?

Jose


#8

[quote=josea]I would like to be a bit more explicit:

Is it allowed to have genital contact without reaching climax?

Jose
[/quote]

If it is then women had better not be faking it or it could cost their immortal souls! :eek:

Alan


#9

[quote=josea]I would like to be a bit more explicit:

Is it allowed to have genital contact without reaching climax?

Jose
[/quote]

As long as there’s no intentional ejaculation outside the body (and the couple is married), there is no problem. That’s what Humanae Vitae seems to indicate.


#10

My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

As I have had many questions, I have found many answers in Pope JPII’s Theology of the Body. Here is a website, there is a particular book that addresses all your questions:

christopherwest.com/

Good News About Sex and Marriage (Book)


#11

[quote=dmm2000]My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

[/quote]

And what are the answers?
Could you please tell us briefly the answer to your questions?
Thanks
Jose


#12

I agree, this is something that you have to figure out for yourself. Your common sense will guide you well in this matter.


#13

[quote=josea]And what are the answers?
Could you please tell us briefly the answer to your questions?
Thanks
Jose
[/quote]

Since the marital union is bring forth unity (imaging the Trinity in a total self-donation to the other), all stimulation should occur within that marital embrace, not outside.

While, simulataneous stimulation is great, it does not have to occur this way, but stimulation must occur within intercourse, not outside.

My understanding is anything leading up to the stimulation within the marital embrace is acceptable, as long as it is not an afront against the dignity of your spouse.

The book does address your question point blank, and other acts in leading up to intercourse, similar to my response. I would perfer not to detail them in the forum.


#14

[quote=dmm2000]Since the marital union is bring forth unity (imaging the Trinity in a total self-donation to the other), all stimulation should occur within that marital embrace, not outside.

While, simulataneous stimulation is great, it does not have to occur this way, but stimulation must occur within intercourse, not outside.

My understanding is anything leading up to the stimulation within the marital embrace is acceptable, as long as it is not an afront against the dignity of your spouse.

The book does address your question point blank, and other acts in leading up to intercourse, similar to my response. I would perfer not to detail them in the forum.
[/quote]

No, you do not have to give details. So, any kind of sexual stimulation has to occurr within a complete intercourse, right?
I asked because one thing is what is allowed during intercourse and a complete different one is what is allowed outside intercourse (between spouses, of course) but from your answer I can conclude that very little is allowed if it is not related with complete intercourse.

Jose


#15

What is allowed outside an act of intercourse is whatever the couple is inclined to do, so long as it does not create an occasion of sin (i.e., temptation to masturbate) for either of the spouses. Where that line is, depends entirely on the couple.


#16

This link has responses on point with the question.

theologyofthebody.net/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=3

Hope you find it helpful


#17
Explore Virginia Stefano

No food in bed ( I don’t like crumbs ) and no electronic devices such as television, telephone, cell phones, computers or radios.


#18

[quote=drknbrew]My wife and I are confused about what we can and can’t do in our bedroom. Does every act have to end in intercourse? What about mutual stimulation and oral sex?

Confused. :confused:
[/quote]

You and your wife can do whatever you want.


#19

[quote=marina]You and your wife can do whatever you want.
[/quote]

Of course anyone can do “whatever you want.” I think he meant “…in accordance with the teaching of the Church.” In which case, my post aboves covers it.


#20

[quote=marina]You and your wife can do whatever you want.
[/quote]

By whose authority do you give carte blanche permission without any morally defined restrictive considerations? Please cite source.


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