What is real love like, in the beginning years?


#1

All of you who are married or engaged, were you madly in love with your partner during the beginning, dating years? Were things magical and generally easy because you felt such strong feelings for each other?

Or was it not really like that? Did any of you know you loved your future spouse and were meant to be with him/her, even though you weren’t really “swept off your feet”?


#2

I’m engaged, but you asked for our responses as well :slight_smile:

For me, it wasn’t really a “swept off your feet” type of thing. It was just a comfort, and that I could see us being together forever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely attracted to him, and in great love with him, and we’ve been dating for 5 years.

We took it slow in the beginning though. We weren’t going crazy going on dates or anything, my fiance says that he really wanted to just do it right, and not make any mistakes. I think we weren’t really exclusive in the true sense that we weren’t a couple for the first 2 or 3 months that we knew each other. And we didn’t even kiss for a long time after that.

And I’ll say that as we’ve matured (we’re both now in our almost mid 20’s) that I’ve grown to appreciate him more. I’m more in love with him now than I was when we first met. Can I just say I’m getting so anxious to be married if you know what I mean? (as we both take our faith seriously and both agree in no premarital sex)

The first time my sister met him however, she was like “You guys are going to get married, I just know it” So, I guess it did show to some people that we were just right for each other.

Were things magical and easy? I’d say not. I mean, I don’t think it’s really magical. It’s like just a feeling of comfort and immense love. To be able to fully trust someone no matter what. I was just saying to him the other day how amazing it is to be able to give someone your full trust. As I don’t do that often at all. But I trust him 100%. I know he will never leave me or anything like that. I just know. And he trusts me.
Of course in our 5 years so far we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve actually been long distance for 3 of these 5 years. And it’s harder when you’re far apart, trust me. Just being able to communicate your feelings on the phone is harder, so it leads to more misunderstandings.

There’s my experiences :slight_smile:


#3

We both pretty much knew from the day we met, but I tried not to feel too much because I thought (erroneously) that my future husband was married.

I walked into his cubicle at work to discuss a situation and as I stepped toward him I saw a flash of light like a camera flash and then my heart rate went up to probably 200 beats a minute. After I met with him, I had to go to the ladies room and splash cold water on my face.

Later that afternoon, he strolled down to my cubicle just to say “hi” and “check” on the issue we had discussed. We chatted every day and after a month or so of flirting I asked him out for coffee and that was that!

Wedding bells a year-and-a-half later!


#4

at first, not magical at all.

my husband and i were friends for 2 years before we became a couple, then married soon afterward. i met him during the biggest self-imposed ***crisis *** of my life. i had ZERO time for romance. he was just a very good person that i knew.

as crisis subsided (it was a protracted agony, really) i realized i had begun thinking about the guy a lot. but i scoffed at my stupidity. what would such a kind, normal, responsible man see in a woman like me? get that stuff right outa your head, girl.

twenty one years of marriage later (and 7 kids plus the three I had, that makes ten for me; and he adopted my first three kids, so that makes ten for him, too) , *now *it’s magical. ***now ***i’m swept off my feet. *** now ***i’m crazy nuts in love with him. and whadya know? him with me, too.


#5

Hi kristleful,

When I met my husband, I was dating his best friend. As I dated his best friend, I was getting to know DH and spend time with him since we spent a lot of time at my ex’s apartment with a group of friends. As my relationship with my ex (we lasted almost 3 years) got to be more and more wrong, I noticed that my feelings for DH were becoming more and more right. We share a background of religion, learning disabilities, and city where we were raised. I did not break up with my ex for my DH, but my DH was the shoulder to cry on afterwords. 3 years later we were married.

It was not all swept off of our feet stuff in the beginning. It takes time to adjust to living with someone after you get married. Issues come up that you’d never expect like putting the toilet seat down, who does what chores, who pays the bills and runs the errands, etc. We never really fight, but it was rough in the beginning. We’ve been married going on 4 years, and it still is not butterflies and roses. What it is is comfortable, happy, supportive, and safe.

If you read my past postings you’ll see that we’ve had our fair share of C##P happen to us, but the key to getting through it is communication, love, support, and date nights. I love my husband more than life itself, and have for a long time. I am so happy to be married to him and feel blessed to have his child(ren).

Every relationship has it’s bumps in the road that can only be worked out by the people involved. It’s very rarely a love at first sight deal, but when it is - don’t question it! :thumbsup:

God Bless you and Happy Thanksgiving!

-Hope


#6

*My dh and I were friends at first…although, he said he knew he’d marry me the first night we met. :rolleyes: :shrug: When our friendship morphed into ‘‘something more,’’ we were very much in love, almost instantaneously…butterflies kind of love. Not the intense commited love I have for him, now. That kind of love…the love that causes you to trust this person with your very life, is a love that takes time to grow. I don’t know if two strangers dating for a few weeks, could know that, really. I didn’t. I wasn’t a trusting person, though…but my husband helped me to trust. But, in the beginning, I think for many, there is that feeling of ‘being in love,’ not necessarily the kind of love that takes time to come into.

The reason I believe God puts you on a path to finding that ‘‘right’’ person He made for you, is that He often puts you with someone who will help you to grow. I think my husband and I do that for each other. He is a very analytical type man (oh my gosh, too much so! lol) and I’m the opposite…I’m nurturing, sensitive, emotional, etc…he needed some of what I had, and I needed some of what he had.

He told me the other day that he is ‘‘madly in love with me,’’ moreso than when we dated. Coming from a very analytical man, that is HUGE. :love: I’d say the same, I really **really *love him, and feel very sad at the thought of him dying or not being here in my life. I think for me, that is how I know I’m madly in love, because I’m a very independent woman, and never WANTED to need a man, but I do need him. :o I’d like to think he needs me, too. :smiley:


#7

We were pretty much head over heals but there were many extraneous forces that were causing many problems and we just had to develop the we will persevere together no matter attitude.


#8

You might enjoy this reflection by Fred Moramarco, a professor at San Diego State University on the Raymond Carver short story, "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." Ray Carver’s classic is on an Esquire list of 75 books that every man should read. Let me invite the women as well...

You can find it here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-love/

dj


#9

I was swept off my feet/ love at first sight but the first five years or so were far from easy. It was a time of getting to know each other and often lots of self reflection; losing the selfishness of an individual life and starting to consider someone else in every decision you make. We have been married for 14 years and are more in love than ever now!


#10

Hmmm... I can say that I was attracted to my husband when I met him but definitely did not think that we would end up together for the rest of our lives! I was a bit cynical at the time and fought the impulse to take at face value the great kindness, selflessness and sincerity that are the hallmarks of his character.

The day I will never forget is a date early on in our relationship to a flea market, (Not my cup of tea...), where we had wandered apart while looking at all of that "junk" to me, "treasures" to him. Suddenly he ran up to me, grabbed my hand and said with great excitement, "You've got to see this!", and literally had me run across the grounds with him. When we arrived at his great "find" it turned out to be a newborn baby in a carriage and all he could say was, "Isn't she just beautiful?" (He didn't even know the people!) My heart melted...

Yep, he's a keeper! We will be married 27 years on December 18th. He has been God's greatest gift to me without a doubt even though I did not always know it.


#11

Depends on the situation and how long you know the person. In the begining it was like that. We were engaged for almost two years before we married. We knew each other three years. After the first year love was different. We still have the lovey dovey feelings once in a while, but the love we had was more of a feeling of not being able to live without each other. The other person was a part of us and we would do anything to keep that part of us safe and happy.

Make sense?


#12

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