What is so hard about those words?


#1

I am a pretty demonstrative person, I'll admit. So I don't really understand what is so wrong about saying "I love you" to friends. My female friends respond in kind, and even some of my male friends. But I have this one friend who I care for very deeply. He is someone I look up to, and think of very much as a brother. Whenever I say those three words to him, he just sort of ignores it. I don't know if he's uncomfortable with it, or worried I will misinterpret things if he responds, or if he perhaps does not think as highly of me as I do of him. Whatever the reason, it makes me sad. I think if you love somebody, you ought to just be able to say so. I suppose I ought to just let him be who he is, but if I'm honest with myself, it really hurts not to hear it.

I don't know that there's any advice that can be given on this one, but thanks for letting me get it off my chest.


#2

Just tell him you love him like a brother. He may just feel uncomfortable without that qualification.


#3

I told him once that that was how I thought of him. I didn't think I would have to qualify it every time. :shrug:


#4

Some blokes are just like that. No need to stress over it. You can be sure he loves you back. For whatever reason, I am like that too and rarely say that kinda thing to friends.


#5

[quote="mariyka, post:2, topic:238555"]
Just tell him you love him like a brother. He may just feel uncomfortable without that qualification.

[/quote]

This was my thunder!


#6

It's just a bit weird for a guy to say these to another guy who isn't a brother/father.

I've said it to my two of my best friends before. One guy on his wedding day (I was the best man) and the other guy when his father died. They both appreciated it.

I think men should be a bit more open with their feelings, but not become too open with them. Keep some stuff unsaid.


#7

My father was very uncomfortable with these words. He rarely said them to me. for the last 20-30 years of his life I made it a point to say it to him everytime I saw him or spoke to him. Primarily I wanted him to know it, but I got a kick out of knowing that it made him uncomfortable. Your friend may be uncomfortable with as was my Dad, God rest his soul.


#8

OP: If you are male, most males find expressions of "love" to be sexual, and therefore find it uncomfortable at best when they are made by another male. It's just the way our heads are wired.

I don't use the words often, but I do express affection with my arms; and often males in North America do not care to be embraced by other males, either. I've learned to make adjustments for that.

Average persons have by and large forgotten that not only was A) the most powerful "Love" in human life non-sexual (our LORD, of course), but B) in Scripture, the two most powerful expressions of love have been non-sexually between persons of the same gender (David/Jonathan, lamentably too late; and Ruth/Naomi).

No doubt in our pneumatikon soma, we will be able to use both words and arms to express affection freely. But in the world we have now, we have to take into account that preconceptions regarding affection are real, and live with them.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA


#9

I guess it is time to do something with my profile page. :) No, I am female, and while he and I are friends it has never been more than that, nor will it ever be.

My father is the same way, as well, not one to articulate his feelings. I suppose I ought to be used to it, but I'm not.


#10

It might have something to do with how your friend was raised, as well. My parents always made it seem like "I love you" was something special to be said ONLY to family or a significant other. My parents only said "I love you" to each other or to me; it never even crossed my mind until high school that people might say it to their non-romantic friends. If your friend was raised in a similar manner, I can understand that he might be uncomfortable with it. When I my husband and I had been married for about a year, my brother in law told me "I love you" right in front of the whole family, and it really made me uncomfortable until my husband explained to me that he and his brothers were just very open about saying "I love you." It didn't mean "I'm IN love with you," just "I care about you."

It might be that he just needs time to get used to the idea that "I love you" doesn't always mean that you're in love with someone.


#11

He is uncomfortable with you saying it, and my guess is that he equates the word love with romantic love, even though you think of this as brotherly love. You can certainly love different kinds of people but you would not love someone like your mother with the same kind of love for a friend. In other words, there are many levels or kinds of love. Saying something like “Take care” ( because you do) instead of saying “I love you” would probably make him feel more comfortable. That will also make him think that you say it because he matters to you. That hopefully should send the message without being too overt.:thumbsup:


#12

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