What is the best age to have children?


#1

My fiance and I are 22 and will be getting married next year. We are both graduating college with degrees that will ensure us jobs (his is already lined up and mine is very promising.)

People are always asking when we are going to start a family and I feel like to be responsible we should wait a few year and save some money and get settled first. However, I really wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant on the honeymoon and he has said that while waiting would be good he would be very excited if it happened earlier than planned. (We are planning on using NFP.)

I’m really excited to be married and to spend time just being a wife but is it bad that I want to start the mother role right away too?

In your opinion, what is the best time to get married?


#2

There is no “best age” that works for everyone. You know if the time is right, and shouldn’t listen to what society tells you is the “best age.” Goodness knows, society is a bit narcissistic, and tells everyone to think of themselves first! :rolleyes:

for us? Dh and I were married in college at the age of 22 and had our first baby that first year. Its 18 years later and we just had baby no. 9. I’d say 22 yrs was the perfect age for us. :smiley:


#3

The best age for me is whatever age I am plus 5 years. :smiley:
Seriously, I would love to have a family sooner than later, but it does terrify me. :eek: All I need is a husband. :shrug:


#4

[quote="CountrySinger, post:3, topic:194749"]
The best age for me is whatever age I am plus 5 years. :D

Seriously, I would love to have a family sooner than later, but it does terrify me. :eek: All I need is a husband. :shrug:

[/quote]

I think it terrifies all of us. If your not a bit scared, your probably not ready to be a parent.


#5

[quote="glb517, post:1, topic:194749"]
My fiance and I are 22 and will be getting married next year. We are both graduating college with degrees that will ensure us jobs (his is already lined up and mine is very promising.)

People are always asking when we are going to start a family and I feel like to be responsible we should wait a few year and save some money and get settled first. However, I really wouldn't mind if I got pregnant on the honeymoon and he has said that while waiting would be good he would be very excited if it happened earlier than planned. (We are planning on using NFP.)

I'm really excited to be married and to spend time just being a wife but is it bad that I want to start the mother role right away too?

In your opinion, what is the best time to get married?

[/quote]

I hear two conflicting messages in your post. First you feel like to be responsible you should wait a few years, but then you ask is it bad that you want to start the mother rolle right away? Which way are you and your future husband really feeling? And like someone said already, there is no "best" time. Arguements can be made in either direction that a couple should wait and enjoy the first year or so of marriage just being a wife and a husband, and some say why put it off when you don't really know what the future holds.

The important part is for you and your husband to be on the same page, and if you choose to wait to fully educate yourselves in NFP, as you've already mentioned you planned on doing.

Me, I got married later in life, age 31, had my daughter a year later and have experienced unexplained secondary infertility ever since. I wouldn't do anything differently, I certainly would not have waited because my daughter truly is the best gift my husband and I have ever given each other. But we knew we didn't want to wait. I waited long enough to be a wife, I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to to be a mother too.


#6

In your opinion, what is the best time to get married?

Not more than a year after the official engagement.

You should keep yourselves open to children, and let God decide when is the right time for them to come to you. He knows best. :slight_smile:


#7

None of us can answer this question for you, of course. ;)

It sounds like you have the right attitude, though. Even though you and your future-husband feel you have just reasons to postpone having children through the use of NFP, you are nontheless very open to having children should the Lord have other plans. Nothing wrong with that.

Just keep praying (together) about it and remain open to what the Lord is calling you to do.


#8

God’s plans for you are not the same as His plans for me except that He plans for us to be joyful and holy if we follow this plan. There isn’t a best age because people have different maturity levels and different spiritual paths. Pray that you know and follow God’s will, but also spend time listening to Him so you can hear the answer, I recommend adoration. Part of Nfp is discerning God’s will about your openness to children or abstinence during fertility.
God bless,
B


#9

I can only speak for myself but as I near 50 I can only say I wish I’d had more and sooner. I bought into the whole notion that a woman can have it all and I postponed having kids while I worked toward that goal.

The problem was that the higher I got on the work ladder the harder it was to see a way to free the time and energy for kids, and the harder it was to imagine getting along without the income.

Funny thing is my career involved directing and overseeing day cares and children’s programs for various governmental agencies and I knew I didn’t want any kid of mine being raised by strangers because no matter how good those strangers are, no matter how loving and compassionate, they are simply unable to give enough face time to any single child. Nannys are a better option by far, but then you have your child bonding with an employee who is there for the money and will move on in a couple of years breaking your child’s heart and making them less inclined to bond emotionally. For the child its just like a divorce where one parent vanishes.

You can have it all - but not all at the same time. Don’t try. It’ll just make you nuts and be less-than-ideal for your kids.

If I had a do-over I’d have the kids first, and have a bunch. I could never regret a child, I do regret giving too much of my life to work and stuff (ego).

My two cents;)


#10

I am not sure there is an accurate 'number' age to start a family. There is definitely a 'maturity' age though. Bad marriages and unhappy households are often due to one or both spouses not being mature enough to help it work out.

I personally found it helpful to live life for a little while before settling down. I had a job that that had me on the road a lot, I got to travel and do other fun things before having the responsibilities of a family.


#11

I had my first child when I was 24....I was definitely ready for parenthood around age 31. :p


#12

The answers you have got here are great. I just wanted to add that when I approached this topic personally it was more about where my husband and I were in our relationship. We have evolved and grown into our marriage. We can communicate about these things but this was not always the case. Through prayers said individually and mutually you will get the best answer. A baby for us was not just the next step. We felt it was important to act and live as a couple for a few years. It is not for anybody but God to say what is best.


#13

The great thing about NFP is that it forces you to be that annoying little sibling on the family road trip vacation: “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

Keep a constant dialogue with God in your prayer life and ask Him, every month, “Are we there yet?” When God says “yes,” that’s the time to have kids. :slight_smile:


#14

Biologically speaking the best time is in your late teens :eek: crazy huh?


#15

I can’t answer your question, but someday this one will enter your thoughts: “Till what age should you have children?” Speaking for ourselves only; - I am 62, my wife is 57, and our youngest has just turned 13. What joy for us (at our age) to still have 3 kids at home. AND, we have many friends in the same situation. Hope this helps you, and many others here.


#16

WOW! There is hope for me yet (30 years old, no kids)!

In all seriousness, and this might be too personal, I apologize upfront if it is-does the 13 year old feel any detriment?

My grandfather was about the same age that you are, and his youngest was also about 13, so I know a bit about large familes.


#17

Well, I'm in the same boat as you are - 23 and getting married next year - and although obviously I don't speak from experience, I say go for it. It sounds like financial disaster won't result if you have a baby right away, and you would both be happy about it, so I think you should at least seriously consider it. As long as you have a reasonable expectation that you'll be able to support the kid, it probably isn't that irresponsible. I have several friends from college who graduated only a year or two ago and have recently had babies, and they all seem reasonably happy and well set.

Of course, I might be projecting onto your situation; I'm going to be stuck with practicing NFP for at least several months, lest financial disaster really does result. :bighanky:

I wouldn't be worried about being too young to have children at all. Yeah, it's a bit daunting to think about taking on so much responsibility, but if you know God's calling you to be married, it only makes sense that He's calling you to have children too. And nobody would know better than God, right? ;)


#18

My advice is don't wait too long to have kids. secondary infertility is very common, happened to me. I have 3 kids(I'm 40) been married since I'm 26. I did use birth control in the beginning of marriage before I found Jesus, had my son at 29, but in 10 years, i only was able to have 2 more and that was with surgery to clear fallopian tubes and polyps. I have not used birth control since before my first..so anyway, don't wait too long..I'm very grateful to God to have 3 but I wanted like a whole bunch. Don't get me wrong, I know some people can't have any so I am grateful:)..A miracle could happen and I still could have more:D
Good luck


#19

[quote="Rascalking, post:16, topic:194749"]
WOW! There is hope for me yet (30 years old, no kids)!
In all seriousness, and this might be too personal, I apologize upfront if it is-does the 13 year old feel any detriment?
.

[/quote]

Actually no Ras. If anything, I think she is getting the benefit of having a "wiser" father than her siblings had. And I have to tell you, We sure have a lot of fun together. As for you, lots of time :).

PS: my first child, -I was 36.


#20

[quote="Whidbey, post:9, topic:194749"]
If I had a do-over I'd have the kids first, and have a bunch. I could never regret a child, I do regret giving too much of my life to work and stuff (ego).

[/quote]

What a wonderful testimony. Thank you for sharing.


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