We’re missing a few pieces of the puzzle. Is this a man who just had a parent die or an illness… I’ve seen more than a few men go temporarily over the deep end as they personally encounter their own mortality and that of their parents. Women cling to others in their grief, some men become very isolated. Sometimes it passes.
Is this man actually acting out his single life? In this day and age of fatal and permanent STDs, it’s no longer a matter for the wife of looking the other way. Her own health could be severely impacted. So she has to then make a decision whether to withhold marital relations until the situation is resolved and she is sure her health isn’t impacted, or just kick him out right now.
As for him: He wants to explore the single life. Ahhh, greener grass. I have known men who did that too. Turns out the grass isn’t greener. And cut off from God and family, they spiral downward chasing that elusive youth and happiness. It’s really sad. They make themselves miserable and drag everyone else down with them.
For a married man to explore the single life is like a mother or father deciding to explore the child-free life. Can’t do it. Just as once you become a parent you will never approach the world or be looked at by the world as childless again, when you marry, you can’t ever pretend to be single again.
So even though he may go through the charade of pretending to be single, he will limit his own options. His choice of women will now be limited to women who are a combination or part of the following: Don’t care that he abandoned a wife and family, don’t care that his vows don’t matter, don’t expect fidelity from a man or don’t intend to give it to him, don’t practice their own faith, don’t follow certain codes of conduct themselves so will overlook it in him.
In short, the kind of woman he finds now won’t be the same kind or quality he had before. Because nice, normal, sane women who find out he’s just another man who abandoned a wife and child to play single again will flee in the opposite direction when they meet him.
You can’t unring that bell.
Great lyrics to a song you might want to check out:
What’cha gonna do when the new wears off and the old shines through?
It ain’t really love and it ain’t really lust
You ain’t anybody anybody’s gonna trust…
To the OP: go to counseling. I’ve been there, done that. Sometimes it does work. But if he’s been choking at the leash since year 3 of the marriage, he may not even be capable of that kind of commitment. Sounds like he got bored right after the baby was born and it required some sacrifice and patience on his part, being a husband and dad.
You try as long as you can before “trying” starts to destroy you and impede your ability to give your child a stable home. Because if he leaves, your child will need you twice as much.