What is the punishment for suicide?

I am sincerely thinking of taking my own life after 30 years of misery and failure have defined it. (Please do not tell me to “get help” or “pray” - I have gotten so much “help” that I no longer can afford to pay for it, and my prayers have either gone unanswered or seem to hint strongly that I should die.) But I am worried about the consequences. My mother always taught me that anyone who committed suicide went to hell immediately. She is a lutheran. Does it count as a suicide if one wills to die but does not actively, but rather passively, brings it about, such as through refusal to eat? Or even in an active case, wouldn’t God be aware of how unlivable my life is and grant me mercy rather than punishment?

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