The week prior to the death of my father in home hospice, he was no coherent, and usually did not even acknowledge our presence. But, on two different occasions, pulled us near his mouth, eyes wide open, and told both of my siblings and I the following:
1.) I now understand why I was a draftsman.
2.) We have it all wrong about Adam and Eve.
He was a man of strong faith and devout Catholic. When he woke to tell us those things, he was smiling/grinning. It has left me with many questions. One being, if this is true, then what else that we practice as Catholics is all for nothing? I realize our faith and its treasures are all good and lead to grace. But, why would this have been one of his last few words to us!!!? I might never ever know, but it has put a lot of questions/fear/doubt in my mind. I will never stop believing, but my faith has been tested greatly in that I wonder what God really wants from me. Another person suggested that evil might have been in the room present trying to hurt our family. If so, that evil will fail with me royally. But, I just struggle now because of that when it comes to celebrating our faith, its purpose, how God really sees it and what is real and not real? No one on earth could possibly answer this for me, so I hold on to faith. But, it is hard to be of the strong faith in our Catholic traditions and Biblical promises sometimes now when I think of what my dad’s last words were. I choose to continue on and go forward, but my spirit and faith feel damaged to a certain degree. I spoke to 2 priests about it, but their answers were varied. One joked telling me that maybe my dad was just trying to joke with me. One other said my issue requires a deeper conversation than he had time for in a confessional. If you have any ideas of thoughts to share with me, I would warmly welcome them. With the grief of his loss 2 years ago, and having been left with those words, I find it harder to grasp all that is of our tradition in the Catholic faith. I still hold on to it because none of it seems bad or harmful, but I guess I am now wondering what is it that God will’s for me and others more than ever these days.