It’s been a while since I’ve been to the forum… I started nursing school last month and it’s been a whirlwind so far.
I’ve asked for help on this board a few times with my marriage. I first came here when I was terribly frustrated with NFP in that I felt NFP was an obstacle rather than an avenue for our relationship.
Well, I’ve since stopped charting altogether because it seemed my husband had lost almost all interest in sex. When he would come around and get in the mood, I would usually have to turn him down because it wasn’t the “safe” part of my cycle.
Over the summer, we rearranged the bedrooms so that our two little ones would share a bed in their own room (this was my own concerted effort so that we could get better sleep and hopefully revitalize our bedroom life). Well, ever since our new bed arrived, DH has been sleeping in the other bedroom with the kids. Happily. His own choosing.
Now, he has never gotten the cold shoulder from me about this. I have NO CLUE WHY he likes it this way. But I don’t want to beg him to sleep with me. I want someone next to me who wants to be next to me. Not someone who’s next to me because that’s what a husband’s supposed to do.
We are not an angry or bitter couple. We parent our children with immense love and joy together. He supports me going to nursing school, I know this because he can’t wait to change jobs once I’m working as a nurse. We don’t go around in silence or walk on egg shells with each other.
I’m afraid of living my life with someone who is not in love with me. I don’t know what to do about that because I can’t make him be in love with me. I think that he is in love with our life together which includes two amazing children, shared beliefs, promising careers, and a new house on the way. But he’s not in love with me.
He has come in to our bedroom maybe 3 or 4 times since the sleeping situation has changed, but only in the middle of the night and only because he was in the mood. I have found porn sites in the history once, but only because I think he forgot to erase them. Usually when I use the computer after he’s used it, if I click on my favorites list, the history list is up because my guess is he “tampers” with it after he uses the computer.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Everyone here has been very thoughtful and helpful. That’s why I’m here.