I changed my name here so that I could remain anonymous.
I have been Catholic off and on for a few years as I’ve struggled with my faith.
Something very odd happens to me when I begin Catholic devotion again. I go to confession, mass, start praying the rosary, etc… , and after a little time of this, I seem to get lost. That’s about the best I can term it. I literally seem to lose my senses. I don’t want to do anything at all. Normal day to day living is very difficult. I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything. I feel like I am lost within myself or something. I feel like I am enveloped in darkness - not an evil darkness, but an un-knowing darkness.
Sometimes I wonder if it is a depression of sorts that I enter into. Perhaps I am never quite settled that this is the right thing to do (be Catholic). On the other hand, I feel more drawn to Catholic devotion which makes me believe it isn’t really an issue of doubting the faith. In fact, I think I am more grounded in my Catholic faith this time than I ever have been. It makes me wonder if I am simply overwhelmed in my devotion.
Not knowing what it is is preventing me from going further in my devotion. I would love to go to daily mass or visit the blessed sacrament in addition to the weekly mass and confession I am currently doing. I am afraid it will just make me want to be at church all the time and never want to do anything else - that’s kind of what this is like. It takes great effort to actually go DO something practical and ordinary.
In the past, remembering these experiences has made me doubt the Catholic faith. Something like this once happened to me on a retreat many years ago. The experience was much more powerful than this one. I just couldn’t stand to do anything but pray or go to mass. It makes me question if this is a godly experience, and it does shake my faith. Typically I would expect an encounter with God to motivate a person - not hypnotize them.
I know you can’t give me a diagnoses necessarily, but what do you make of this from a Catholic perspective?