What is your cross?

Or, if you are like me and don’t want to talk about your current cross, maybe you could mention a cross from your PAST? I am just wondering if anyone has (or has had) a cross you felt you could NOT bear…

  • and one or two things you did to get through it. Thanks.

Sure, I’ll share. My biggest cross has been my infertility, now my sterility. DH and I have been trying to have a child for almost three years and it never happened. I finally saw a gynecologist about it; he discovered I have low malignant potential, or borderline, ovarian tumors. Usually this is caught early enough that surgery can be done, while still preserving fertility. That wasn’t so in my case, the cancer had actually spread beyond my ovaries, so everything came out.

I was really depressed about it after my surgery, which was May 9. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how to deal with this. My husband has been amazing; he’s such a wonderful man. I just felt guilty that he can’t ever have biological children. We’ve been talking about adoption for over a year, but he really wanted to do what we could to have biological children first. Plus, I was dealing with my own grief, my own feeling like I was somehow less a woman because of the surgery.

Fastforward to now. It hasn’t been all that long, but I’m mostly physically healed up. Life is back to normal and I’m actually better physically and mentally than I was before the surgery. I think part of it is that I’ve had to take charge of my health, I’ve been eating right and excercising. The biggest thing, though, is that I’m finally at peace with being infertlie. Everywhere I go now, I see adoptive families, I read something about adoption, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are going to be adoptive parents.

It sounds strange but the surgery has actually helped me to do with my infertility. I no longer have monthly cycles, so I don’t have that anxious waiting, the “am I pregnant???” thoughts going through my mind all the time, only to be let down once again. It’s like God closed that door so that we can finally open the door we’ve been meant to go through this whole time.

I don’t have any big words of wisdom to offer. At my darkest, right after the surgery, I was physically unable to go to church, so I didn’t go to Mass more often, or get to Adoration. I didn’t even read my Bible more often, like I should have. What I did do was to pray often, nothing scripted, mostly it was along the lines of Why did this happen? Help me to deal with this. Show me Your will through this. A quiet trust in God has helped me through this and has helped me to carry this cross. Now I pray that He’ll show me the way to our children, so that I can officially lay that cross down. I know there will be others in my life, probably much harder than this, but we’re stronger now, and we can deal with them.

Hope this wasn’t too much for you!! I tend to get a little wordy. :o

Another vote for infertility. It stinks, really really stinks. And I am filled with much admiration for aurora77 and her strength. It’s been over three years of infertility at this point, with one known miscarriage. I didn’t think I would be able to get past that; it was months before I could be around pregnant women or babies without actually losing it. But prayer, family, friends, and a busy life helped get me through, by the grace of God.

That’s not to say it’s been all bad. Not being able to have children has brought me and my husband together in a way that we probably would not have experienced if everything was perfect. I guess it was our trial by fire, and we made it through. I’ve got a great man. I’ve also been given the opportunity to go back to school on full scholarship. It was something I had planned to do when I finished undergrad, but once we got married, I assumed it would be impossible because of children. Now my schooling is part of the plan to get ourselves in a position to be able to afford adoption. :thumbsup: I guess, considering that my life thus far has been amazing (unbelievably wonderful parents, a near-idyllic childhood, a great education, jobs I’ve loved, the great husband mentioned above, lots of good friends, and a fantastic parish), this isn’t so bad. We’re otherwise happy, financially independent, well-fed, healthy, employed, close to family and friends, and have a few furry friends to keep the house a bit more full. I can’t complain.

God is truly good. I am one to attest that He doesn’t always give us what we demand; rather, He gives us what He wants us to have and what He thinks we can handle. I guess the biggest thing for me was learning to let go of my own destiny and realize that I can’t control everything. It’s terrifying and liberating all at once.

SeekerJen’s post reminded me of something. DH and I saw Evan Almighty a couple weeks ago, and while I know I shouldn’t get my theology from a movie, there was a scene that actually brought me to tears. Evan’s wife and kids are in a restaurant and “God” is their waiter. Somehow the conversation gets around to prayer. He tells her that when we pray for patience, God doesn’t just zap us and make us patient–He gives us situations for us to learn patience. When we pray for our family to become closer together, He doesn’t give us warm fuzzy feelings about each other, He gives us chances to grow and bond as a family.

I’m watching this and just thinking how it applies to my own life. I’ve been praying to have kids for years now. God didn’t just zap me and make me pregnant, He’s giving me a chance to grow so that DH and I can be the best parents we can be. The same is true of Jen and her husband, and all infertile couples.

I think the same is true for any cross we have to carry. It’s an opportunity for growth if we allow it.

Dieing. Desperatly seeking shelter in Christ Jesus. Tim

My biggest cross would have to be not being able to relate to people socially. I’ve borne this cross my entire life even since my earliest childhood. I’m a social loner not my choice but because forming friendships is nearly impossible. It’s made my life pretty difficult at times but I accept it as a sort of mental stigmata.

Constant, debilitating chronic pain.

On good days, I thank God for answering my “other” prayers to relieve me of my desire to lust, to cheat, to lie, curse, envy, judge, criticize, malign, boast, and on and on. I thank Him for leaving me a cross that I can manage ONLY with His help.

On bad days, I curl up in a corner like a dog and lick my wounds.

The worst part is when the cross separates me from Him who heals all. When I am too sick to get to Church, too sick to pray, too sick to remember He is will me always. That is the worst part.

Without getting into too much detail, my cross is a difficult choice I have had to make recently. I think I am at peace with it, but because of it, my children will miss out on something I so wanted for them, that I wasn’t given an opportunity for as a child. However, I stand firm that I made the right choice and that I will just have pray and work harder to find the right path to provide it for them. The road I was on in faith was actually not the road God wanted me on. I get that now. Still trying to get a good read on what it is He wants me to do.

Hello.

I think it’s my depression, my slowness with physical work, and what many others have labeled as general “eccentricities” that are my crosses. I feel like Muriel in that movie “Muriel’s Wedding” who said something like “I’m really, really trying to be normal.” Also it’s my judgmental attitude towards others – I have to apologize to others with my thoughts all day it seems right after I catch myself judging them in my mind. And my lack of patience…and my temper…and my doubt…

Got a lot of crosses here!

My biggest cross has been a constant struggle to love my sister as Christ loves me. To make a long story short: she habitually makes terrible, terrible decisions that end up costing our family a lot of emotional and financial hardship. Please pray for her!

Keeping you in prayer, Tim…and tonight when I light my candle by my image of St. Rita patroness of impossible/desperate causes I will pray especially for you tonight…smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_14_5.gif.May Jesus grant you Peace and consolation and soon…Barb
My personal biggest cross is that I “see” with great clarity God’s Loving and Compassionately Understanding Mercy to all…but cannot “see” it for myself - although in Faith I believe.

Yes, but the moderators do not want me to mention it.

Thank you, I may live alot longer, but once you get cancer as bad as I had your lifespan is really hampered. I should of said “was dieing”, because I was so close to the abyss, I felt its pull. Now knowing what could await the sinful is my biggest cross. I begged Him for more time. That was four years ago. I haven’t had any changes on my scans since then. I have learned so much since then and hope to learn more:) . For you, remember , His mercy endures forever. I’m proof of it. All I had to do was call His name and He came. Tim

With the help of the Holy Spirit, I can bear whatever cross is placed upon me.

However, I keep forgetting that, and setting my cross down to rest. Of course, I am usually then distracted by a shiny thing, and wander away, leaving my cross on the ground. When I finally am forced to pick it up again, it always seems to be heavier than when I put it down, and I’m more weary, which makes me want to put it down again…

I’m failing.

Your not failing, you keep coming back. He who has some , more will be given. Keep it up and try the stations of the cross. Tim

Forgiving people… very tuff getting over the times someone has done me wrong, especially when it seems they don’t have God in their lives. I would rather knock them out and then help them up and share the love of the Lord with them.:o Hey, maybe that would work. :slight_smile:

I know the feeling. I feel like shaking people saying “don’t you know the Lord loves you ,slap”:slight_smile: . I don’t think that would work too well though. I kept telling myself “forgive them, they know not what they do” as an example. I know, simple enough, but it does help. Tim

I have a few things to pick from but the heaviest cross I bear is the disability that my daughter lives with. She’s only 8 years old and has to deal with more than most people do in a lifetime. It is difficult psychologically and physically for both of us. Her particular disability is one that results in the abortion of most children with the same problem, which is Spina bifida. Most of my family and friends can’t comprehend what daily life is like for us, so I don’t have many that I can unload my frustrations on. I agree with a previous poster that when I carry my cross, relying on God for help, it is lighter. But when I try to do it myself, it is very heavy. I’m constantly having to remind my self to pray for help and to consider this cross a privelege to bear. It does result in tremendous spiritual growth, but I also experience resentment of others crosses because they appear to be so much lighter than mine. It’s a difficult road but with His help, I can do anything. God bless all of us…Theresa

my cross to bear is not infertility. but close to it. i have suffered intense pain and fear of surgery of having my uterus out. fear of dying during the operation. iam at peace over that. but i still need the surgery. iam 41, and i need it and have put it off because of intense fear of hospitals and lack of faith in the doctors. it took me a long time to learn to trust them as i had a very bad experience with a hospital and a doctor who almost cost me my life. and on top of that, iam obsessive and compulsive, so having a mental defect like that adds to the intense emotional and physical suffering.

i also had other crosses to bear in my life that are to painful to speak about here. it has been a hard cross to bear, but iam free of it, and life improved greatly once that cross was lifted.

I feel very fortunate after reading of your crosses. Mine is simple, chronic alcoholism. I started drinking in high school and loved it! I finally quit when I was forty three, with the loving assistance of the wonderful people at one of our local AA groups. God bless them! I’ve been sober for 20+ years, married to a wonderful woman I met at a meeting for 17 years, and she’s been sober for 19 years.

Thank you all for sharing your crosses. I will pray for you.

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