I’ve gotten to know quite a few women over the years, and my criteria for “marriage material” keep changing. So far, I’ve come up with these must-have qualities.
Never married with no children, but would like to have in the future
Someone I’m attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Most of the women I’ve dated fit this bill, except for the college thing, but that’s discussion for another day. I’m still trying to figure out what makes someone “marriage material,” though. Any ideas?
Hm, most of the married guys I know always say the same thing, “I knew it when I first saw her,” this didn’t particularly mean that she was drop dead gorgeous, but they did say it had something to do with a reaction they got from her, a focused glare into their eyes, or a sweet smile, or even an interesting short conversation.
Marriage material, though? A good wife and mother, in a traditional sense, well today’s traditional sense, I guess you would need time to see how she is around children, how she takes care of her home or pet or an event…, if organization and preparedness are important to you, she maybe has a part time job for extra cash depending on the youth of her children. Is avid about getting routines(all focused on leisure, education, and faith) together for the family…, AND has a partner who can do the exact same things!
My fiance was a evangelical literal(ist) southern baptist (effectivly, not officially converted) when I met her. There was some tension between Catholic teaching and some of her beliefs and assumptions that the Catholic church taught exactly what she had been learning in her Church (she wasn’t anti-catholic and was already considering converting ironoically).
What really helped was my staring to get involved in apologetics, actually at the time befoer I even fully understood what it is. The big help was the book “Bible Proofs for Catholic Proofs”. she picked it up to see where “saved through grace: in cooperation with our faith and works” was in the bible. She read through that chapter, and realized maybe some (at least) of what I was talking about might actually be true.
Today she’s in RCIA, and seems to have moved father down the path of truely accepting church teachings.
So I would say it’s more important that your partner actually be open to the truth, no matter where it leads. And that they respect you, and your views.
Happens to be the case for me, I would say for me that they at least had a valid anulment, if they were married. Kids aren’t necessarly an obstical, however I do personally like that they have faith in God, and thus don’t just view, for instance divoroce or out of wedlock pregancy as normal or something to be celebrated.
Ok, important for me to.
nice, but not terribly important to me.
I would love to say the beauty that is on the inside is all that matters to me, but that would be a lie. I’m human, and I haven’t been able to just get past physical attractivenss. Totally agree.
There’s nothing necessarly wrong with your list, we all have different needs for compatibility. The only thing I would suggest is being open to women who don’t totally measure up. You might be supprised to find that someone who in no way meets any of your expectations might actually be your pefect match.
My fiance would tell you “does she cook? Do you have fun with her? Does she make you laugh? Do you love her smile? Do you enjoy your conversations? Does she like cuddling??? And is she a good mother??? If so then she’s perfect!!!” LOL
I have 3 children from a previous marriage, my fiance didn’t know I was divorced until we became friends, he thought I just had bad relationships and thus 3 children…He didn’t treat me like I was garbage or worthless because of my 3 children, nor as if they were baggage…Yes it’s a challenge for both of us and my children as well but so far it’s been going great and we both can’t wait to get married…
He wanted to this year, I said I wanted to lose weight!! LOL
So hopefully soon we will be blessed through HOLY SACRAMENT and United as ONE with GOD!
I have let the pieces of the puzzle fall together as they should be through GOD’s plan…We didn’t pick each other because of how we looked or how our status quo was, if that would have been the case then I would have never dated him-first of all his family has always been poor, mine came from wealth just because now we are living poorly doesn’t mean anything the valor of the name sticks…BUT I am not like that, I try to be as loving as possible to everyone and I am not pretentious never have been and GOD willing never will.
And his family doesn’t accept anyone whom is not Italian, and from looking at me you can tell I am not Italian even though Italian runs in my blood from distant relatives and great grandparents…etc…So yeah, some things are not all that important rather than the fact that we are both Catholics and want to be united together through GOD’s love and blessing!
Oh and as for me, my fiance loves to cook, lol, I can see us working over the kitchen trying to cook up some good food together!
Now as for yours truly… Well, I can agree with what flyingfish and OLHope said with the ever so slight modification suggested by Epistemes. So, to get started about that je ne sais quoi, I can tell you it has little to do with what I would normally call attractive if you ask me what was it. For example, yesterday, I got just a glimpse of a girl and I could tell she had it (whereas none other around did). Obviously, it’s only an initial impression and it doesn’t guarantee anything and all (nor did I feel the need to run up and stop that girl… well, I did but I didn’t do it, so I guess it wasn’t that strong), but still. If I were to dissect it under microscope, it would probably come down to a bit of a natural charm, unforced elegance, something just a little dreamy and a bit of tiredness, suggesting she spent her day productively, and no coquetry, although there was a little bit of a romantic air (just a wee bit). So I guess that’s kinda it, as far as I go, if we’re talking about first impressions and that kind of thing.
practicing Catholic or at least not a Church hater, pro-life (i.e. fully in agreement), in agreement with the Church’s teaching on sexuality (even if ostenstibly it came from a different source, I’d see it as kind of a “spark”) - if I were to make an exception from this, it would obviously need to be someone I would spend time convincing and praying for, which would mean a very special person in my life;
good of heart… and I don’t mean angelic or flawless, just a little saintly;
reasonable - by this I don’t mean a mistress of logic, I mean someone who can get a perspective, who doesn’t give up control under the influence of emotions, someone who can be reasoned with and acts reasonably… within reason - this is probably only an offshot of #2 above anyway;
feminine, in a good sense;
not mentally lazy (there’s a difference between IQ and willingness to think or learn);
Err… I’ll tell you if I come up with more. Looks like I have 20 years of self-improvement before me to deserve one.
No kids out of wedlock. At 26, I’m not into this. I also want someone who isn’t married or hasn’t been. Again, I’m 26 years of age and for this to be an issue among girls within my age range, the warning bells go off as signifying poor decision making abilities. Yes, I’m generalizing. No, I do not hate or think ill of anyone who has engaged in this, but the match is invalid.
Pro-Life. I myself have often had moral conundrums with the whole “life of the mother” exception, but even so, I still consider this murder and the worst act a person could commit against another.
Against deviations in sexuality. Now, of course some background may be required. I never participated in any of this, however have seen it through porn. I don’t condone homosexual practices, and never have. Anyways, having “out-rationalized” my own “moral relativity” in so many ways, I truly have a much better understanding why this behavior is incorrect and have thus rejected it. For God’s patience in simply not disposing me and instead reinserting the Holy Spirit to once again make things clear, I am grateful.
Is firm in their beliefs and understands them clearly. I don’t want anyone claiming the propaganda film “Zeitgeist” to proclaim “absolute truth”. You are either with little knowledge of your own faith or has a strong deficiency in the department of critical thinking.
Generally conservative ideologically, however if it’s due to a party mantra, rather then coming to conclusions on your own, I’d rather not.
common interests. I’m into art, animation, religion, history, etc.
8)physically attractive as well as having a pleasant personality.
I’m sure that there’s more, but that’s it for now.
i like this post and great topic for discussion! I consider myself “single as in not-married but currently in a serious relationship with Jesus Christ”
As a single 27 y/o woman I found it so inspiring to read the lists posted by men and I think gave me hope that one day I’ll find one who also upholds those sort of standards for a wife I totally agree with all the criteria listed by others (except unfortunately I’m not a great cook so i hope that doesn’t rule me out completely to potential men…i’m completely willing and would love to learn though!
I just wanted to add what I’m looking for at least, would include a husband who inspires me to grow in my faith and challenges me to become a better person each day of my life. I get criticized a lot from family/friends for being ‘too picky’ and being unrealistic for wanting to find a Catholic husband…but I refuse to settle for anything less. No one said being a Catholic was ever supposed to be easy…
A couple of qualities that I recommend that you not overlook:
A truly kind person
Someone that you can communicate with – you should both be able to be direct with each other and it should be “safe” to tell the other what is in your heart even if it isn’t necessarily what they want to hear.
When you are attracted to them, have similar goals to you, supports your ambitions, you support theirs, you are willing to go the extra mile for them, regardless of whether they put it in for you as well, and that you know their weaknesses and shortcomings, and you know that these negative aspects will cause you hardship in marriage, but still want to live with them and take care of them and be with them.
If they want to have children, that’s a plus too, I love children, when I’m ready for it.
yeah… i want 2 do this…
well… im still working on this! since at 19, i dont truly know who I am! but my director told me… that as i begin 2 work this out, so will i figure out the qualities i want in a guy!
i split my criteria into needs(essentials) and wants(desires)!
Christian pref. Catholic
someone that talks as much as me and who i connect with really well ( i guess this could technically be a want but i guess its for the attraction…)
obviously the whole - no drugs, abuse of alchohol or smoking
wants a family and willing 2 let me bring them up Catholic
some1 that is single. as in no children out of wedlock, or married-divorced guy.
Good financial situation and career
passionate about making things work
someone who helps me to get closer to God. as oppose 2 take away from God.
loves my interests (i.e.hiphop) just as much as me
the whole physical look of a guy (yes, i know its a bit shallow… but its the truth… for the attraction part at least…)
I was never one to have a ‘list’, but there are a few things that I must have such as:
reasonably attractive (beauty is relative, so she would have to be attractive to me, it doesn’t matter what others think).
The other couple things I generally look for which are not always evident right away are similar/shared values and interests. Otherwise I think ‘I just know’ whether or not it would work between me and a girl after spending some time with her.
Other things like being a good cook, or having several academic degrees are not that important to me. Skills like cooking, dancing, academic credentials, domestic stuff, repair skills, etc can be obtained at any point in life and I don’t feel like it should be a determining factor in finding a husbad/wife. I’m a good cook and if I have a girlfriend/wife that isn’t, I would happily cook with her or show her how to make certain things and in turn I would hope she would teach me things she is good at that I am not.