I want to be a husband; what is required of me to be desirable?
- A paycheck.
I’ll ask my wife what makes me desirable.
I used to say ‘I’m looking for a man aged somewhere between puberty and death.’, age has never been a problem - I have loved 11 years younger and 18 years older than I am.
personality and ethics - honesty, devotion, work ethic to be the best at whatever job he has, open to change for the better, cleanliness, good table manners, sense of humour and the ridiculous, willing to work at our relationship and fatherhood, clean language. No couch potatoes need apply.
Physically - I have no standard of a ‘type’ that attracts me - and I think that goes for most women. I find that really tall men turn me on, but then my greatest love was only 5’6", so the theory is not proved in practice.
It is easy to be a desirable husband - some will desire you, some won’t - but there is always someone who wants you - the trick is for you to want them back.
For me, it’s my husband’s kindness, compassion, intelligence, sense of humor, and work ethic. However, I don’t think that there’s a set-in-stone list. My friends love their husbands who are un-funny or self-centered, and they wonder how I can love a guy who dresses like he’s still a punk rocker in his mid-20s. Everyone is different.
My wife would say dependability, reliability, trustworthiness, steadiness…now that I think of it, I guess a good husband is like a good car.
Or to put it another way, she once compared two brothers. One of them is “the kind you want to date,” the other, “the kind you want to marry.”
Tricky question. I’d say there are too many aspects to it. I would think there would be different attributes depending on whether your question is to be desirable to women, a man a woman in a relationship wants to marry, and being a good husband. We each grow into the various stages in life. To each one common aspect is the ability to think rationally and the will to put into action what you believe.
I would say that the things that make a desirable husband are the same things that make a good Christian.
Love God above all things and love others as you love yourself.
I don’t know that I can really tell you what makes a desirable husband since this will vary somewhat from woman to woman…I can only say that for my wife and I it was the respect that we had for each other as individuals.
I’ve never been a “mans man” so to speak - but that made no difference - inf act, in her case I think it was a benefit since she had previously been in abusive relationships.
I Loved her, respected her and would do anything I could for her - even more so because I knew her history and her fears.
I was able to take these into account, and she loved me for that. She knew she could trust me with her heart and with her body.
Respect and Honesty and Trust and Gentleness.
I guess that about covers it.
A good provider
Confident but not in an arrogant way.
One of my brothers irons his own work shirts and gives his wife foot massages.
I consider myself a good husband. So does my wife. I am a stay at home, homeschooling dad to four. soon to be five kids. So of course your 1 and only quality is a little offensive to someone who puts every bit as much work at providing as my working wife…
Work ethic is in top five. I never would have said this before marriage, but I see so clearly how blessed I am now to have a husband who works hard at his job and then comes home to help with the kids and chores. Being a parent is long, tedious work and it is so nice to have someone to share the burden, instead of letting me, the stay-at-home mom, pull all the weight of my job myself.
Beyond that: kindess, intelligence, a sense of humor, good communication skills, and good with children.
Yes, absolutely agree with you on the work ethic, though I am coming from a bit of the opposite side. :o I would also say being self-sacrificial, and not expecting everything to be split “50/50” - we all have tendencies to overinflate our own contributions and downplay the contributions of others. While being able to support a family is very nice and should be appreciated, especially if a prospective wife would like to stay home, it can be very hard being married to someone who thinks that is his only responsibility and everything else is bonuses that his wife owes him for. :o
Anyone who wants to be a desirable spouse should not have hatred for or resentment towards the opposite sex. This goes for both men and women.
I like your question!
He has to be a man of faith, preferably Catholic for the Catholic lady.
There are so many other virtues I can list off, but a man who will build his home and family on the Rock of Christ is standing on solid ground. What can you give in exchange for this? Nothing. He will pull down much needed graces onto his family, his work situation, his neighborhood, the entire world. When a man or woman is plugged into the power of God, what is impossible for man becomes possible. This is the kind of life partner I would want.
Only Paul used numbers, so I’ll say:
- A good man will love God more than he does his wife. (Maybe that sounds odd but think about it.)
IMO, my husband is pretty close to perfect. (: God comes first, then our kids and me. He works hard so I can homeschool and stay at home. He’s compassionate, kind, forgiving, and extends more grace to me than I deserve. He doesn’t do much around the house, but I am so okay with that. He helps if he sees I need it, but he works 55-60 hours a week just to give me the gift of being with our kids. Yes, he’s a human being and leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and is always talking about his truck, but he is a very selfless and strong man. He includes me in every aspect of his life and truly enjoys his family. Him being cute doesn’t hurt either
I think what makes a good husband is being the kind of man that God calls you to be. I hope this helped because I think a lot of women put emphasis on superficial qualities, but when it’s come down to the hard stuff in life I’m so thankful for having the rock of a man that I have. I think the wife matters, too. If you have a good woman by your side it helps make you a better man!
–good work ethic both at work and at home
–doesn’t believe that his work is done just by coming home and handing over a paycheck
–practices his faith (but doesn’t believe himself to be the pope)
–reasonable hygiene (much more controversial than you might think)
–reasonable in general
–has some sort of intellectual life (not necessary for everybody, but important to me)
–has some sort of interests beyond work (eventually, retirement is coming!), ideally that can be shared with children
–values education and extracurriculars for the children (important to me, but not everybody is going to want this)
–values the well-being of his children over his personal comfort
–prudent and reasonable with regard to finances (take a Dave Ramsey course or similar–it could be very helpful–DR teaches a very effective collaborative budgeting method that is great for marriage)
–prudent and reasonable with regard to family planning
Notice how I keep using the word “reasonable”? It’s important.
(Now that I’ve written this out, I see that it largely describes my husband, which is great!)
Well said…but I’m sure that Paul was going for humor in his post…
In reality I think Paul’s humorous (or humorless ;)) jibe, really means - someone with a good work ethic.
I was a “stay at home” husband for 6.5 years - taking care of my wife. No paycheck, we lived on her Social Security and on our savings - savings we have gathered before she got sick because we both had good work ethics and common goals.
So God bless you for having such a good work ethic and taking such good care of your family.
Oh and P.S. to the OP…Others have mentioned humor as a desirable trait. I absolutely agree. Especially in tough times.
A short memory is good for both spouses…
Except with regard to where the checkbook is and where the kids need to be picked up from.