what should I do?

I have been lending money to someone I don’t know in person. But I though it would be a good Christian gesture to lend it to her. But, to be certain about it if she can be trusted, I also sent an email to the parents of her boyfriend, which I found. Also because the money was sent on the account of her boyfriend.

But now I am receiving messages that she is having a big fight with her boyfriend because I contacted his parents about the money i lent her! And blaming me that they are having the fight. Probably because his parents are now mad at her son and girlfriend because of asking money from me. But how could I ever be the one responsible for their fight?

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you are going through this. First of all, you wrote that you sent an email to someone you didn’t know “to be certain” that someone else you didn’t know could be trusted. Dear one there really is no way to be CERTAIN but you probably already knew that.

I think you realize that this probably doesn’t make sense, but that you were trying to be a good Christian and have a big heart! God bless you for that!

I think perhaps, it may be time to take your generosity someplace else. This family may indeed be a needy family, but unfortunately you are being dragged into their drama and their fights and their anger which is not fair to you and is not good for you spiritually. Can you find a place near you that is in need? Is there a homeless shelter, nursing home for the elderly, charity for people with disabilities or other place that may benefit from your donation? Find something that touches your heart, God has given you a big heart and the gift of generosity that is a wonderful thing! Tell this family and your friend that you wish them well and are praying for them but stop sending them money and stop sending emails and phone calls immediately. It will be hard because you seem as if you are already “sucked in” to their drama and are attached somehow. Try and let go as best as you can. God bless you.

ok thank you for your answers. I just send an SMS with the text that I will not go between them and they should come together without me being involved.

Another thing that bothered me was the fact that I could fix their fight by sending another mail to his parents with the text that I am a friend of the husband of her brother. So, she expected me to lie for her, because I don’t know these people. But I will not do that, I have made that clear to her.

One thing, I have lent the money to them, because that’s also what they expected from me and they can pay it back. But it is a huge sum of money, talking about 1000 euros at this moment. They have explained the situation that some big costs were coming at one time, and with one of the two going to school, and the other one not being able to work I know it is a problem paying all bills. Because they are still young, I made the decision to contact his parents. Of course, I also asked why they couldn’t get money from their own parents, but according to their saying they don’t have to spend much as well…

Their fight is not your concern. I hope you will be paid back and learn the lesson not loan money to anyone you don’t know.

Well put!

And if you do, at least send the money directly to the institution that is supposed to receive the money (school, doctor), and be sure it’s money you can afford to lose if they don’t pay you back.

You might want to educate yourself on scams…

Catholic1954 said:

“I hope you will be paid back and learn the lesson not loan money to anyone you don’t know.”

I’d even simplify that to “Don’t loan money to anybody, period.”

If you look at the Beatitudes, it doesn’t say “Blessed are the moneylenders” at any point.

If you want to help people, give them money and tell them it’s a gift and that you don’t expect repayment.

As an American Protestant personal finance guy often quotes, Proverbs 22:7 says “The borrower is slave to the lender.”

I would further add that lending to people in financial trouble money is like pouring gasoline on a fire in the hopes of putting it out. The more a person borrows, the more hopeless their financial troubles become.

Thank you for the answers, I agree with St. Francis especially, IF you want to support someone, pay it directly to the institution. I’ll wait and see where it goes.

My mother always said don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose. Hopefully it won’t come down to that.

The concern is not so much that you might be taken by being too trusting (this is a risk we run), but that you avoid causing strife or a near occasion of sin when you meant to do charity. I think that you have the benefit of retrospect to help you the next time a situation like this comes up. I wouldn’t plan on seeing that 1000 euros again, though.

When you need to loan money that you cannot afford to lose, do it as an investment and loan it in a secure manner. In the future, choose which is your primary goal–to do charity or to preserve your capital. Also, try to be on the up-and-up with the person you’re doing a favor. If they can’t stand your conditions for whatever reason, then either work out different conditions or else don’t loan them the money. Don’t spring conditions on them after the fact that they didn’t know about when they agreed to your offer. It is very important that you know what you’re about, lest you put unrealistic expectations on a situation.

I agree. I have never received money back from anyone I ever lent money to. They might give you a few bucks here and there, but never the full amount, or even close to it.

I agreed with her that we will only contact each other if it is about the money, so we can end it properly. And I promised her that I will not contact her family, as it is not my business what is going on in that family. As you said, I don’t want to be involved in something that isn’t my problem. I explained to her, in a fashionate way, that it is a good thing to think about why it wasn’t a good idea after all, to want to borrow money from someone, when you know your family won’t be happy about it (hence the reason why the fight occured). Unfortunately, she is still angry, and even calls it one of my biggest mistakes. All I could do was saying that I’m sorry if she thinks that way. Luckily, now she wants all this to end of course. I was afraid she wouldn’t be able to pay me back, but she is receiving college fund now, which she didn’t receive before. If she won’t be able to pay me back, I will call it a lesson learned, I won’t be missing it in a way that I will have problems with paying my own bills. But I think she is afraid that she won’t get rid of me, after this problem she’s having with me. That will give her a ‘push’, into wanting to pay me back, I guess she will hate it when I keep complaining about it… We’ll see what the future brings, I will stop worrying about it, that’s for sure.

What a “pot stirrer.”

You loan money to a lady and then after the fact, you reach our to her boyfriend’s parents to see if she can be trusted? What would they have to do with anything, especially after you made your decision to make a loan?

This is the height of manufacturing drama for its own sake, and less to do with a loan.

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