Peace & warm regards.
All I can do is relate my experience in experiencing peace from God;
for diligently praying to avoid all impure thoughts, even though I am only naturally attracted to a woman.
I must tell you during many time in my life I struggled with lustful thoughts.
Usually thinking about past experiences during times of struggle in my life.
I mostly connected love with the procreative act; which caused much rationalization.
In the Name of Jesus Christ diligently for clarity in obedience.
Please take into account how I had to relate my struggle, before Grace of God gave
me an inner peace that could be lost.
This past year, I prayed to be cheerfully celibate chaste. To only think pure thoughts
of my wife; we, in a journey under the direction of Sr. Dot started with a Justice of The Peace marriage. Because of hardships like I have a order of protection from one of her children; and much strain in needing peacekeepers in our home; ultimately her children;
(we have no children together) but some of her children gradually filled the grandchildren as they got older with resentment of me. It was intolerable, so for the
sake of the children, we are separated. We are friends, talk from time to time; and she
knows that I need both of us to enter into serious Christian counseling before I would consider being married in The Church. We are celibate friends, she is good with this.
And knows I require our being counseled before a Church wedding.
Recently, after for months being Graced by God to welcome pure thoughts of her;
avoid physical thoughts of her of an unchaste nature; God gifted me with one of the fruits of The Holy Spirit called self-control. I have very little need to pray out of welcoming thoughts contrary to self-control. I’m cheerfully celibate in thought and action.
God rewarded me by flooding into my mind almost my whole life experience, giving me
a sense of God always leading me; and an inner peace and joy of having come so far.
I was resting on my bed at dusk in an ambiance of grey when this happened.
three points especially:
- all of a sudden, I remember awaking at 7 years old in a difficult childhood at night,
not Churched, but feeling so peaceful and knowing this was from God. I looked out
of a window and the mist or condensation caused the light of the moon to form a cross.
I did not hear words; but I was filled with a sense that God wanted me to know all will be well.
- I was living a poor life. I didn’t go to Church thinking I didn’t need to go. At 22 I dreamed I was in a grey room, I just escaped a trial of some sort; and a golden while Light swirled above me and said gently but firmly, ‘why are you doing this to your mother?’
- Before the years of repenting then rationalizing, repenting again; our Justice of The Peace marriage, I dreamed that I was a branch on the Tree Of Life breaking off into the Eternal Flames, but the other branches were helping me listen to God.