[quote="pacoenelsaco, post:1, topic:224058"]
I know there are a lot of parents on here and these forums are always very helpful. So even though it's not a direct religious topic, I figure I can ask here because my wife and I could really use some suggestions.
Our son recently turned 3 and we're trying to get him fully potty trained by the time he's 4 next October. A LOT can be accomplished in a FULL YEAR! Especially at his age. So, I wouldn't freak out. I think this is highly possible due to the fact that he's firmly grasped the concept of letting you know when he has to use the potty, he does # 1 without even telling him to do so, and recently he's learned how to do #1 standing up. But...the problem of course as expected...is getting him to do #2. He just doesn't want to do # 2 and it is becoming so incredibly frustrating trying to get him to do so. Entirely possible he went #2 on the toilet and it hurt. He thinks the toilet made it hurt. VERY COMMON. Also LOTS of kids to this. It's a lot to deal with.
When he turned 2 we potty trained him off and on for about 5-6 months and then we stuck to it firmly until he turned 3.The fact that it took 5-6 months indicates that your child was not ready. When they are ready, it basically happens in a week, with a few accidents. And our efforts have been succesful in terms of getting him to do #1. But no matter what we try he just does not want to do #2. Everything from rewarding him everytime he uses the potty, promising to reward him if he does #2 with either his favorite treat or a gift, restricting the use of toys and watching his favorite tv shows if he doesn't do #2, even (and I feel terrible for it) spanking him when he does #2 in his pull-up or when he refuses to do #2 and stays on the potty for extended periods of time without doing anything. If he can hold it. Even if he needs to be trianed for pre school, he's going to hold it there too. He's FINE! And you're making WAY to big a deal out of this (mom of twin boys here... both potty trained within a few weeks at age 3 with accidents, and very few accidents by 3.5 There are only very occassional situations where a child is NEVER potty trained. And I gather it's from the created battlefield. They learned to hold it until they couldn't possibly. So, I wonder why he's in a pull up? Because he might potty? Time to switch. Go straight to underpants. If he has an accident... it's UH OH... poop goes in the potty. Let's put it there. Then you both walk to the bathroom take off the undies, Dump the poop in the toilet. And clean up. He can help clean up his messes elsewhere too.
Shaming a child over accidents or not going on your schedule invites some long term issues. If they can't even make a mistake with biological needs, they certainly learn they can't make a mistake that just takes judgement. Punishment for failure creates a child afraid to fail... and a child afraid to try.
I keep praying about this so the Lord will give me the strength, the wisdom, and patience to deal with this. But it's starting to get really really frustrating and I find myself being rather harsh on him when he doesn't go to the potty and I hate feeling like that. I don't want my son to hate me for being so strict with the potty use becase I love him with all my heart and soul. But at the same time, what can I do when he refuses to go and he knows he's supposed to? Then he wets himself, and sits nice and uncomfy until it can be dealt with. Just like the rest of us. What happens if you fail to go and are then on the road? You can't honestly say you've NEVER been somewhere when you really had to go??? Right? While we were away on vacation recently and he stayed with his grand-auntProbably 'cause she was mellow about it. No pressure., she had no problems whatsoever getting him to do both #1 and #2 completly on his own. But with us, he refuses to do it and just stays on the potty and does nothing but cry. consider this practice for everything you want him to do in the future. You really don't want to teach this child to hold his own against your will on EVERYTHING do you? He should actually be in control of his own body. And he should KNOW that he should be in control of his own body. So that others don't try to take control over it. Or he refuses to take control later. It may seem silly, but think about hitting for example. You will always be there to tell him not to hit? He will learn not to hit, and then who will MAKE him not hit others? And if he does, and you're not there, then he gets a lesson... right? Perhaps someone hits him back. It's uncomfy... it hurts, and he LEARNS... Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.