To address your points specifically:
Holding hands at the Our Father is not mentioned at all in the liturgical texts. It is a popular–by which I mean of the people–and is not prescribed or forbidden by the Missal. No one, including a priest, can make you do it. It is not a posture of the Mass, nor does it have any historical basis. On the other hand, if I were you, I would not go around making an issue of it.
Secondly, kneeling for the Consecration is the universal posture in the Ordinary Form (if you don’t know what that is, don’t worry about it). However, in the United States kneeling is prescribed for the Eucharistic Prayer from its beginning until after the Consecration, and actually a in a majority of dioceses it is prescribed for the whole Eucharistic Prayer. Not kneeling for the Eucharistic Prayer, especially for the Consecration, is always an aberration except in out-of-the-ordinary circumstances (old age, illness or injury, pregnancy, parishes which for some ideological reason build a church without the space to kneel, people who bark at you if you kneel, etc). Now, you don’t need a kneeler to kneel. I don’t know if your parish has them. However, as far as I can tell it is generally expected that churches built today will have kneelers in them. They are not historical but they have developed as a basic expectation of Western Catholic (again, if you don’t know what that means, don’t worry about it) churches for convenience’s sake.
Even if there are no kneelers one is still expected to kneel. That is the prescribed posture. However, you might end up making some haters for yourself if you do that and no one else does it, even though it is the prescribed posture.
If I were in your situation I would probably attend the earliest Mass on Sundays and Holy Days to fulfill my obligation. These Masses are usually without music but they are also usually the Masses in which you are least likely to get dirty looks. (Although I’m not saying you will get dirty looks =p.)