I have recently gotten engaged to a wonderful Catholic Man. We met not long ago and hit it off. Sunday we got engaged and now we don’t know what to do. He has about two more years to wait on his annulment and I have about 8 months. He is a cradle Catholic and I converted back in April. I didn’t become Catholic for him we met afterwards. We don’t really want to wait for his annulment to go through. We want to start a family he is 36 and I am 27. We still would want to have our marriage blessed later but what do you think? We truly love each other and we just want to be together.
If you truely love each other
And are truely Catholic,
You will wait until the annulments are finalized
I agree, what´s the big rush anyway? You say you´ve just met. Take this time to know each other better. This will only improve your chances of success in the marriage.
This time of waiting for the anullment may be a blessing in disguise
All I can offer you is prayers. And your soon to be.
I can only advise you dont do anything to jepordize your status in the Church.
Be patient. Or get to someone higher up and be a squeeky wheel.
Dont give up on the Church no matter how hard it may seem.
Let’s clarify this much. You’re not waiting for an annulment. You’re waiting for the decree of nullity, which might not ever be granted if the marriages are not found to be null. In your case, you both must assume that your previous marriages are still valid until otherwise proven by the tribunal. At this point only God really knows whether or not you are married to your ex-spouses. You really shouldn’t even be engaged.
Let’s say you get married civilly and fornicate with this person. And you get pregnant. And then you find out that one of the previous marriages is valid, meaning that you can never really marry this person. That’d be a rather ugly situation, wouldn’t it? Not to mention the spiritual peril you’d be placing yourself in, and the person you supposedly love.
Speaking of which, this is a great test of love. People who love each other don’t put the other in grave danger by encouraging the other to fall into a life of habitual mortal sin (which is what your “marital” relations would be if you were to marry civilly).
It’s hard to wait. But it’s correct to do so. Please don’t ignore Church teaching, thinking you are smarter and wiser. The moral road is the only road to true, enduring happiness–even if the first stretch is rough.
This is exactly right. Let me speak to you as one who has been in your situation. We did get married. I wasn’t Catholic at the time nor did I even understand what it meant to be Catholic. I was S. Baptist and in my church there was no reason why we couldn’t be married. I thought the Church’s “rules” were ridiculous and man-made. Later when the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the truth of the Catholic Church and its teachings…we had a big mess.
Trust God, allow him to be in control of your situation. Every time I’ve ever been in a “big mess” in my life it was due to my own impatience and thinking I knew better. Try reading up on chastity on this site and check out the information from Jason and Cristalina Everett. There are also some really good testimonies of couples who have gone through this on EWTN The Journey Home (the have an audio library you can access).
The Church’s way is truely the best way and if you follow it, God will bless you both!
you are by definition not engaged to be married, because you are both already married.
what you are is two people who have begun to love each other deeply and care for each other, and if that description fits your relationship neither would contemplate doing anything to damage the other person morally, spiritually or any other way. It follows then that you do not allow this relationship to proceed until you are both free to make a marriage commitment. You both of course would be seeking the consolation of the sacraments, studying the faith with a view to becoming more closely united with the Church and her wisdom, reading God’s Word and advancing in the spiritual life so that whatever life holds for you in the future you will be complying with God’s will for you.
Neither of you are free to be engaged. You are both married people. You need to back off of this NOW.
That is quite a short time between meeting and becoming “engaged”. I suggest you slow it down and get to know each other much, much better.
Statements like this show lack of spiritual maturity and weak virtue.
Honestly, you are not thinking about things with the other’s best intentions at heart because the purpose of marriage is to help the other spouse get to heaven. Helping each other sin mortally is taking you in the opposite direction.
You have plenty of time to start a family. This is just an excuse.
I think you need to snap out of it and deal with reality. The first reality is that neither your annulments may be granted. Or, only one might be granted. The second reality is that you have not know this person very long at all.
The third reality is that you are both STILL MARRIED. To even think of getting married outside the church and then later seeking convalidation again just displays to me how spiritually and emotionally immature and not ready for marriage the two of you really are.
And, if this is true it will not have changed 2 years from now when you are free to marry (or, in the case of the annulments not being granted it will prevent you from being in an even worse position of having to choose between spouse and church).
HIT THE BRAKES!!!
Let’s look at the facts…
you met him not long ago.
you’re already engaged
you can’t wait to have kids
both of you recently ended marriages that are being reviewed for annulment
According to what you told me, I think you maybe rushing things a bit. Two years is plenty of time to hash out your and his problems that caused the previous failed relationships. (If neither of you caused the falures…you need to concider why you all picked bad mates.)
You are still young enough to wait 2 years to have kids.
First of all, Welcome to the Church!!! I am so very happy for your conversion
Now, I know all of this being said may be sounding harsh, but it is the truth. Please listen. Life on Earth is but a blink of an eye compared to Eternity.
Why do people trump the Church with thier own happieness or thier own sense of what they are entiled to. That being said, As long as the said previous mariges are annuled I wish you well. How can one promise with God trump anouther. Please tell me you are not living together.