What to do when wife won't do/doesn't believe in NFP?


#1

What do you do when your wife wants to contracept and won’t use NFP? Or I should say, if she does use NFP she complains and really doesn’t believe in it?

James


#2

Hi James,
Welcome to the forums! :wave:

This is tough situation since it is the wife doing most of “work.” If the wife ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy… But here are some important things to note that may help you to help her.

Number 1. She shouldn’t believe in NFP. That sounds wrong to say, but hear me out. She shouldn’t “believe” in contraception either, but she does. Proper NFP is about putting your faith in God. But instead, she has been trained by society to put her faith in contraception. The current culture has tried to convince her that sex shouldn’t cause babies. Society treats pregnancy like a disease, hence needing a pill to fix it. Society sees children as a “problem” or worse yet, an “accessory.” Whether she knows it or not, your wife has been influenced by that mentality. What she is doing is basically transferring her faith in contraception (which she mistakenly believes to be reliable) to NFP instead (which she mistakenly believes to be unreliable.) She has a contraceptive mentality and just happens to be using NFP. In her mind, she still contracepts.

From a purely scientific standpoint NFP is a whole lot more reliable in preventing pregnancy than contraception. Those are just the facts. So we already know that her reasoning isn’t based on fact. Her reasoning has one root: fear. She fears the unknown of a pregnancy. It is her fear that needs to be addressed first and foremost.

Find out the whys of her fears. How would a pregnancy change her? What would another baby (or a first) do to her, your finances, your living situation? She doesn’t believe NFP works. Find out why. The facts are your side. For NFP not to work means something is either seriously wrong with the woman’s health, or her understanding of charting, or both.

The part that you can also reiterate is why contraception is such a colossal mistake for marriage. Condoms are just dumb. Why on earth would anyone *want *to have a piece of latex between them? What logical reason is there to put a barrier to each other? Why would someone *want *to take a pill if they didn’t have to? Why would anyone want to mess up their hormones? The answer to all of the above is of course, “no one would *want *it.” But society has convinced her that she *needs *it. WHY?

Find out the reason for the fear. Address the fear. That is why people don’t believe in NFP. Having to change thinking patterns and behaviors is why people won’t do NFP. Contraception is a train wreck. It is our job as Catholics to help everyone see the light.


#3

Has she taken a class on NFP or read any of the books? What about it doesn’t she believe? That it’s effective?

Within the past year I have started using NFP and I can tell you my husband isn’t exactly convinced that we can avoid a pregnancy using it. Since I’ve always been the one forced to use ABC I had to put my foot down and tell him I couldn’t go against my conscience anymore. Explaining the Church’s stance on the issue was useless since I’m married to a cafeteria Catholic who’s coated in mortal sin and doesn’t care in the least.

I would suggest getting her to go to a NFP class with you if you haven’t already gone to one. If she’s against going to a class, you could always do the Couple to Couple League home study class. Based on my own experiences with NFP, I’d have to say that it seems effective [so far] in spacing pregnancies. I’d also suggest you being as supportive as you can be with your wife.


#4

*Hi James–how was it presented to her? Was it in a positive or somewhat not so positive way? Meaning…did you present the reasons why, and the positives of how it can bring you closer together, how you can take part in her fertility, as opposed to the contraception mind set, which lays all the responsiblity on one person, etc? Does she believe that you will be an active part in helping her to chart? I ask, because my husband and I didn’t enjoy it at first, but when we realized that we were both responsible for NFP, it changed things considerably. Almost because like an adventure, whereas when I was taking ABC, it was all on me. :frowning: That could truly be a breakthrough way of helping your wife to ‘try’ NFP. *


#5

Yes, do you mean she doesn’t have confidence in NFP, or that she doesn’t believe it is necessary and would rather use another method that involves less work/abstinence?


#6

As someone from the outside looking in, one of the advantages of NFP is to determine the time that conception is MOST likely to occur, and help couples who are trying to conceive make appropriate plans.

And I’m willing to bet that it will be discovered that women who practice NFP will catch irregularities and anomalies of their reproductive systems sooner than average testing does. After all, it’s only smart to know what’s normal about one’s own body and its functions.


#7

Saying she “does not believe in it” is a bit silly - one can believe or not believe in the loch ness monster or in love at first sight or the grassy knoll theory -

NFP is plain ole biology 101, NFP is the process of using scientific facts to see when a person is fertile - it is like saying she does not believe in gravity or blood types or the speed of sound.

Get the books, show her the science.

There is no rule that says Catholics have to use NFP. As Christians, we can choose in marriage to totally abstain or to simply accept each and every child that is given to us. If we do not want either of those, a form of NFP is the only moral way to regulate the birth of children.

Show her the Catechism.


#8

:thumbsup: LOVE that! I wish I could just stop believing in gravity. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so heavy in the morning? :wink:

And thanks for reiterating that NFP isn’t a necessity either. Oh how I wish my health were strong enough to be able to have a big family. Those who don’t need NFP are truly blessed and are sharing those blessings with others.


#9

haha what is the grassy knoll theory? :rotfl: kage, you always make me laugh…I really think you missed your calling as a comedian. :o


#10

JFK was killed by a group of people… right up there with Area 51 as the most famous conspiracy theory.


#11

I usually don’t chime in on these subjects because I am very liberal about contraception. I do have issues about it and I don’t see that it’s wrong. But I know how the Church feels so I don’t talk about it on this forum.

However I beg to differ that it is more reliable than contraception in preventing pregnancy from a scientific stand point. Can you please please point me to the studies that show this? In my research I have not found any studies that were not funded by a Catholic organization to show this to be true. The only ones I have found were funded by Catholic funds.


#12

And the studies on effectiveness of abc were funded by?

The problem here is that there is no reliable study of abc, because it never takes into account whether the woman is ovulating or not. A child wouldn’t be conceived if the woman isn’t ovulating…condom or not.


#13

*lol! I didn’t know it was called that!
I do believe in area 51. :eek:

You’re still funny.*


#14

What agapewolf said.


#15

Yup. :thumbsup: Thanks!


#16

Sorry for the triple post, but really this is what this is all about. This is the point for the OP and his wife. Sorry to pick on noclevername, but this is exactly the point I was making in my first post.

The contraception industry has convinced people to attempt to fix what is isn’t broken!!! The human body is designed to give us these very reliable signs of fertility/infertility. And they are *very *reliable. The fact that women are being deprived of this information by groups like Planned Parenthood just steams me!! I asked them. They refuse to give their clients any information on fertility awareness. Their local teacher said that the clients “just can’t understand the information.” Oh my goodness!!! Completely illiterate women in India have been taught NFP very effectively, but PP thinks that their clientele “can’t understand.” WOW!!

When I finally understood how to chart, I was so relieved. I finally understood my body! Later, I became annoyed. The contraception industry says I am better off by breaking something that works. WHY!? Follow the money. How much do I get paid for being an NFP promoter? A big goose egg. I do it because the truth needs to be set free.

Now I know some people don’t need to space babies so they think they have no need for NFP. But I am of the opinion that everyone should learn to chart, just in case they ever need it. My daughter will be taught to chart from day one. Since I plan on telling her what red flow means, I most certainly plan to tell her what white flow means.

I mean really! The contraception industry keeps trying to force their so called “sex ed” on us, yet they won’t even teach these same kids basic science. I cannot even believe how much misinformation is out there! Secular society is trying to convince people that contraception is more reliable than abstinence! Read that again if you read it fast. The contraception industry is trying to convince people that you won’t get pregnant by doing the very act that makes babies! NFP says, “no sex=no pregnancy.” NFP also says, “Yes, sex makes babies. Here is when that will happen.”

Contraception is a big fat lie. Contraception breaks what already worked just fine. It wasn’t that the world needed a way to prevent pregnancy. We already had it. What the contraception industry wanted was to do away with self-control. Sadly, they are succeeding. We have an entire culture of entitled individuals who won’t say no.


#17

That makes no sense. The statement was that “NFP has been scientifically proven that it is more effective for preventing pregnancy than artificial contraception”. Ovulation has nothing to do with the previous statement because we are talking about methods to prevent pregnancy.


#18

It makes perfect sense…ovulation has everything to do with pregnancy…“prevention” or not. A woman has to ovulate in order to get pregnant.

Statistics state condoms prevent pregnancy from occuring in whatever the figure is…90% of the time or whatever, does NOT take into account that 75% (or more) of the time, the woman wouldn’t have gotten pregnant anyway, because she wasn’t ovulating. Also, the woman may have been having other conceiving issues. So the only way we can actually test that hypothesis is to see which women would have in fact gotten pregnant if not using the condom. That is impossible to figure out. These effective statistics mean absolutely nothing.


#19

90% of the time (or whatever the actual number is) the woman does not get pregnant when I condom is used. The pregnancy is prevented. Ovulation or not, she isn’t pregnant. Ovulation is not a factor in this argument, it’s just a variance but not a factor.


#20

Ovulation absolutely is a factor. If you don’t ovulate you don’t get pregnant. Let’s look at the pill as an example. For the most part, the function of the pill it to prevent/suppress ovulation. When it fails to do that, a woman can become pregnant even if she takes the pill at the same time every day and does not create any kind of a user error situation. From what I understand, when NFP fails in preventing a pregnancy, it’s almost always a user error (meaning, the couple misinterpreted fertility signs or fudged the rules).


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