What to Do...

Well, this is kind of personal. I’m not sure I should say anything but…I just checked the calendar and I’m about 6 days late. I wouldn’t normally think anything of it because sometimes a woman’s cycles can be a bit irregular, except that my temperature is also a bit high right now. It could just be from a cold but I don’t know.

So, this is the problem. I don’t really think I’m pregnant but my husband is suspicious, and well, I think he would resent me if I am. Our beautiful daughter isn’t even 6 months old yet, and I think we both worry about having two very little ones at once. I know I could handle it, but it wasn’t what we were hoping for exactly.

But the main thing is, he wanted to use contraception and I didn’t. I told him I wouldn’t, and so we haven’t been. Instead, I’ve been tracking my temperature, and I have been doing it every morning, but I think I may have done it wrong. He never really approved of this idea to begin with and hasn’t supported me at all.

He just kind of gave in to make me happy.

This morning I asked him if he would resent me (if I got pregnant again right away) for not using contraception, and he said, “That’s why I wanted to use contraception.”

So, I’m really not sure what to think. If I’m not pregnant he is probably going to insist we start using contraception because of this “close call” so to speak.

If I am, he is going to blame me…I know he would be happy once the baby came, but he would definately bring it up all during pregnancy whenever we have an argument.

It’s not clear whether you are using NFP or not. You mention checking the calendar and temperatures, but it doesn’t really sound like you are using one of the normal methods of NFP or that you took a course on it.

If you are using one of the thermal methods of NFP, 21 days of high temperatures indicates pregnancy.  

If you are not using NFP and you find you are not pregnant TAKE A NFP COURSE.

If you have valid reasons (valid is an issue between you, your husband, a spiritual director, and God,) learn NFP and use it.

If you are pregnant, congratulations and take a NFP course the next time one is offered.

God Bless you.

If you are preganent, Congratz. Your husband will get over it. We nave 2 girls 20 months apart. they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. It is actually very easy to raise two at once. In and out of dipers at the same time.

Before you tell hubby, get a Preg Test. If he complains, remind him (every so gently) that it takes two to tangle. He will probably say “I TOLD YOU SO” to which you should reply, “Yep, you were right. Anyway, we are having a baby.”

:smiley:

hey, bless you for your contribution to the body of Christ… :thumbsup:

now go see your doctor… find out for sure, if you are have a party, if you arent, better luck next time… :thumbsup:

oh, by the way… congratualtions… :thumbsup:

…and if you aren’t…i’m sorry… :o

I agree with Marauder, if you aren’t pregnant now, take an NFP course ASAP. It will make your husband feel involved, which will also be another flower in your marriage bouquet.

If you are pregnant, take a deep breath, then relax and enjoy the ride. My brother and I are 16 months apart, and we were like twins growing up! My mom said we were her easiest kids, cuz we did everything together for a long time.

It’ll be a shock, but after the shock wears off, he’ll be happy.

Don’t panic. Things will turn out OK and be the way that they should. But I agree - if you are not pregnant - look into taking an NFP course if you have not.

Hang in there!

I was using NFP to prevent pregnancy and dh wasn’t supportive of this method either. I too was 6 days late and decided to take a hpt. Wow what a shock. I was charting my temps and mucus and took what I thought was a slight chance, but God had other plans for me. I truly believe this was God’s will. DH is 46 and I’m 38 and this wil be our first child together and of course will defintely be a change of life for both of us. Our children will be 24, almost 19 and almost 14 when the baby is born. Good luck and may God bless you as he has me.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. :slight_smile:

No I’m just using the regular old rythm method, not to be confused with NFP except by my husband. I tried to get him to let me take a class in it or something but he said he “doesn’t see the difference” and that “some people are just trying to make money off it because it’s really simple.”

So yeah, the rythm method was my last resort, not wanting to go through the whole contraceptive battle with him at all (trying to choose the least of the evils I think).

He did say I could buy a book on NFP though, if I wanted, but I haven’t yet because I knew he really thought it was a waste, and I don’t know I just don’t like starting arguments.

But I think I will buy one anyway. Can any of you reccomend any other resources for NFP?

The Couples for Christ Family Ministry teaches NFP, along with how to live like a good Catholic-Christian.

i tell you what if you are pregnant…:dancing: CONGRATULATIONS! my soon to be hubby doesnt want kids for a while either, i hope to convince him. i would never EVER go and get pregnant with out him knowing i was trying to. but he wants to wait five years and im ready NOW! but i told him once we got our business off of the ground could we reconsider the five year plan. im HOPEFULL! he loves my sisters baby and our God son. maybe he’ll come around.

Is it possible that stress is causing an irregularity in your period? Perhaps even the stress of worrying that your husband might be upset if you did get pregnant? I know I used to (well I guess still am) be very stressed often and combined with fairly poor eating habits I would be up to 2-3 months late. I went on BC to control that as that in itself was very stressful (but that’s a topic for another discussion).I’m just suggesting that it might be stress or even a change in eating habits (I don’t know if you have) that’s causing it to be late?

[quote=Christian4life]He did say I could buy a book on NFP though, if I wanted, but I haven’t yet because I knew he really thought it was a waste, and I don’t know I just don’t like starting arguments.

But I think I will buy one anyway. Can any of you reccomend any other resources for NFP?
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I bought a book titled “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. It’s very informative about the sympto-thermal method of NFP and an easy read. I found it for about $20 at the local Borders Books, you could also check Amazon.com for used copies which will save you some money. The author and her company also set up a website with forums (like these) for women to post their questions and talk with other women who are using the sympto-thermal method to achieve or avoid pregnancy. It also has FAQ, printable charts, and an archive of charts from other women. ovusoft.com

But going on the information you’ve provided, I would suggest that you take a pregnancy test. I guess the main question is- how long after ovulation are your temps usually elevated (this is called the luteal phase)? My luteal phase always lasts for 12-13 days after ovulation and then my temps drop sharply. Sometimes ovulation can be delayed by stress, illness, and other factors, and that will cause your period to be delayed. But the luteal phase stays the same every cycle unless you are pregnant- so, for example, if I got to day 16 or 17 on my luteal phase and still no period, I’d be taking a home pregnancy test right away.

God bless you and your family. Everything will work out one way or another.

ccli.org/

Excellent website about NFP.

SV

give www.creightonmodel.com a try. Developed at Creighton Univ. in Omaha, NE it will help you find an instructor in your area.

That’s what’s terrible about the contraceptive mentality, that the baby is a mistake, that it’s an oops, that is wasn’t “supposed” to happen.

My children are 20 months apart, and #3 is coming anytime now, 17 months after #2. Yours would just be 15 or 16 months apart, and IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT! Yes, it will be a lot of work in the beginning, but after a while they will grow up together and be close. This is a blessing for your children.

If the Lord can make a child’s soul in the blink of an eye, He can certainly give you something as simple as the grace and patience to raise the baby. Keep close to Mary. Pray to God daily, no matter how small the prayer. Make your baby work your prayer, as if you are doing it to the Baby Jesus Himself.

DON’T WORRY! If you aren’t pregnant, just remember it wasn’t God’s will! In the moment your egg was joined by your husband’s sperm, God visited you in a special way, and you became the carrier of a living soul. This is a wonderful mystery.

I’ll pray a Hail Mary for your husband right now, against a contraceptive mentality.

God Bless You!

The Couple to Couple League International is the best resource for learning more about NFP. They have a book called “The Art of Natural Family Planning” which is excellent. Many public libraries carry it so it might not cost you a thing if money is a problem. You can learn NFP from that book but it is better if you can take the class. If your hubby refuses to go, go by yourself! You could take the baby with you. God bless you and I’ll keep you in my prayers. p.s. I have had several kids and there is less than 2 yrs. between each baby. It’s not the end of the world to have them close together. In fact, it is kinda nice! Theresa

[quote=Christian4life] don’t really think I’m pregnant but my husband is suspicious, and well, I think he would resent me if I am. QUOTE]
what, his zipper broke in the down position and it’s your fault? what he wanted was the pleasure of sex on demand, without the responsibility and the consequences. If marriage on these terms leads to resentment on his part because of the consequences, or on your part for being used, then you have a textbook illustration of why contraception is wrong. NFP is not unilateral, and it won’t work very well if you are not both commited to the principle, the reason for it and the discipline. In any case, even using NFP you have to have a sound, serious reason for delaying pregnancy. Just inconvenience or not wanting more kids is not reason enough. Spacing children farther apart than 18 months for the health of the mother, breastfeeding, and better care for the first baby are good reasons.

p.s. if you are, bet you he falls in love with this one, too. have you ever talked together about why he doesn’t want another one right now? his reasons may surprise you
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I was about to post something to this effect, but you did it so much better than I could have!

I, too, was struck by the fact that your husband seems to think that it’s all about YOU getting pregnant. At the very least, he could have encouraged you to get the info needed to do the very BEST job of NFP possible. OK, I’m sorry about attacking your husband like that!

If you’re pregnant… congratulations!

And, tell him you don’t want to argue about contraception until after this baby is born. You can tackle that in its own time, and tackle this baby now!
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My son was 6 months old when I got pregnant with my daughter. To put it mildly, DH and I were in a complete state of shock! I was more concerned because I dreaded going through another pregnancy again. (I have severe morning sickness, or rather all day sickness throughout most of my pregnancies). DH was just not ready to have another baby. He was in denial through the entire pregnancy and even after the baby was born. But let me assure you, everything turned out OK. DH has a wonderful relationship with our daughter and he wouldn’t have it any other way now. So if you find out your pregnant, relax and enjoy the ride! It’ll be OK.

I can relate to the disagreement about NFP. DH isn’t exactly 100% cooperative. He HATES the period of abstinence! But he respects that it’s important to me and I’m trying to follow my conscience. I’ve simply put it to him that I will not use birth control and he can either suffer through the periods of abstinence or accept that we’re risking a pregnancy. It’s his choice. No man can force you to use birth control. That is wrong. But it sounds like your husband just doesn’t trust NFP. You need to research the effectiveness statistics and reassure him and yourself that if you follow the rules, your chances of an unplanned pregnancy are very very slim. Once you both understand this and practice the rules you can stop worrying so much.

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