Please pray for me, I have been a husband for 25 years to a woman who I love deeply. We have been blessed with an 11 year-old daughter. We also just converted to Catholicism this past Easter.
My wife recently told me she wants a divorce and I subsequently found-out that she is having an affair. I am devastated, but I do not want a divorce because I love her and I do not want the permanent damage to my daughter. I am trying my best to convince her to try to reconcile the marriage, but she is committed to the divorce and claims that she wants to marry this new man (who, by the way, has already been married three times – and the most recent one just ended a couple of months ago). She claims that she loves him and will marry him once I am out of the way.
Since we live in Florida, a no-fault state, I have no choice once she serves the papers to me. I must be legally divorced and I will lose at least 60% of my daughter’s life because my wife is an unrepentant adulterer.
I believe that part of the marital problem is that my daughter still sleeps in the bed with her mother. Although I have tried for many years to convince her that she needs to have the daughter to sleep in her own bed, my wife refused. This has caused me to sleep alone in another room for many years. I trusted the Lord that, once my daughter left my wife’s bed, I would be able to go back and become intimate with her once again. I faithfully waited for that day, but she decided to become intimate with another man.
I have two questions:
What do I/we tell my daughter? She will be devastated! She does not ”know” anything about our problems, or the fact that my wife intends on serving me with the initial papers next week and plans on moving out (although she has noticed my wife’s cold heart and hateful stares). I have refused to move out, based on the fact that I want reconciliation and if I move out, my daughter would blame me for leaving.
What (if anything) should I do about the ongoing nature of the adultery? She is communicating with him constantly (to the tune of 500 text messages/day while she is in our home and with my daughter). Even our friends wondered why she was constantly looking at her phone. I do not want my daughter to know of the affair and the message that will tell her about the commitment of marriage.