What type of discipline do you use with your children?
I found that grounding them from their fave TV show was the most painful punishment I could inflict muahaha
I try to be proactive–make clear our expectations, communicate firmly but politely, and praise them when they do well. If I see things shaping up to get bad, I try to identify an underlying problem and fix it (like feeding hungry kids), or use a change of scenery or activity, or separate kids who aren’t getting along. I make my squirrelly kid run laps when he can’t avoid getting into mischief.
I try to discipline myself. Discipline works so much better when I’m not yelling.
For punishments: We use time outs for minor infractions and loss of dessert or tv for worse or multiple instances of misbehavior.
Sometimes I mess up, of course, and if I’ve lost my temper I apologize to the kids.
Yup, I’m a monster.
Well it’s been a while, but as I recall when dealing with a toddler, I used to put toys in timeout, close the TV, etc.
As she got older taking away privileges, computer time, etc.
I grounded her a few times, but hated it because it effectively grounded ME too!
I earned my “teenage daughter survivor” coffee cup!
Taking away things they like is the best form of discipline.
It depends on the age. For preschool and up, we use the red chair. It’s just a plastic kids chair that they generally use. But if they are acting up, they go to the red chair for timeout. They love that chair 90% of the time but if I ask if I need to get the red chair, they tend to straighten up.
For older kids, I find their currency. TV shows, video games, whatever. If they really push it, they lose that thing.
yes, currency is a good term. Each kid is different.
Once I had asked my son to do a chore. I ended up asking 3 times. It was never done. I could have imposed a punishment but this was about the time when he needed to know what his responsibilities were without me nagging.
I said nothing about the chore not being done. But the next day when he came home from school, I didn’t make any dinner. When he came out at supper time he asked “Where is dinner”. I said, “I didn’t feel like cooking”. I did this for 3 days. He had to fend for himself.
On the fourth day I asked him if he felt like doing the chore because if he did then maybe I’d feel like fixing dinner.
Never had another problem with getting chores done. He learned that everyone has to do chores they may not like or want to do but that others will also pay a price if you slack off.
You probably won’t believe me, because it is so outrageous, but I happened to be reading a blog about disciplining kids, particularly as they get older (out of the toddler stage and into school.) One mother spoke about putting her smart aleck high school daughter IN DIAPERS!!! She was forced to wear diapers for a certain period of time for punishment. (Act like a baby, then get treated like a baby was her mother’s rule.) I wrote them a scathing answer that this was idiotic, wrong, and humiliating.
When the kids are little we use time out and spankings. As the kids grow older we tend to use loss of privileges and chores as disciplinary measures.
Look into Dr. Ray Guarendi. He has a book called Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime which is very good.
We used positive and negative reinforcement. Very effective with both of our daughters. For that matter, it’s very effective with grownups, too–I definitely respond well and continue acting a certain way when someone says something kind to me!
We gave positive feedback to behaviors that were appropriate and good; e.g. smiles, hugs, compliments, sometimes a treat, sometimes a gift.
We gave negative feedback to behaviors that were inappropriate and naught; e.g., frowns, walking away, verbal admonitions to “stop the behavior now!”, taking away a privilege or a treat, time outs, etc.
It’s a 24/7 method. We were pretty much always “on duty”, but it wasn’t particularly difficult, and at least with our daughters, it was effective. Both of them were (and still are) very sensitive to facial expressions and tones of voice, and both were highly motivated to please us and other people. Once they realized that they got “good vibes” for good behavior and kind acts, and “bad vibes” for naughtiness, they generally did the good behavior because they liked the “good vibes” (and treats!).
I’m not sure this method would work with children on the autism spectrum; I’ve read that many of these people find it difficult to “read” other people’s feelings and interpret facial expressions and voice tones and other subtle cues.
I followed a lot of “1-2-3 Magic”. If we got to “3” they would have to go stand with their nose in the corner for time out. This was just when they were really little and “naughty” on purpose. I think it was a bit of a game to them TBH.
I’m not able to give helpful advice because I was completely hopeless at discipline with my children. I’d been raised in a very regimented, disciplinary way but when I tried that myself, I it didn’t work at all. My children seemed to always get the upper hand and I had no ‘air of authority’ whatsoever.
Scroll forward 25 years and my kids are all really great, polite, decent and practicing the faith. (Still working on getting the middle child back to ‘practicing’ though)
My husband has said a number of times that I’m “a good mother” but I think referring to really open, honest communication. Silliness and laughter whenever the opportunity arises. Being ready to reconcile easily. I don’t know. My kids are 28,27 and 25 now. I think what my input is that even if you screw up discipline, it’s not the end of the world.
While I myself am not a parent yet. There is a couple that sits in front of us at Mass who has many children. Sometimes their boys act our during Mass. The father is usually quick to grab one of the boys by the neck and pinch their neck in between his fingers. This method is usually quite effective in getting his sons to calm down and. However, if they really act out of line they get smacked on the back of the head. Other times I’ve seen the father drag his boy out of the sanctuary crying. These boys are between the ages of 3 - 5.
His father is a Major in the United States Marine Corps. and very no nonsense.
I don’t have any, but I fully support corporal punishment. That said, that doesn’t work on all children, some kids, you need to discipline differently. But, as a kid, the threat of a spanking from my dad (God rest his soul), was enough to send me straight.
Wow – no one has reported him to child protective services?
Usually nowadays striking a child anywhere but the behind gets parents in big trouble.
I believe in corporal punishment as a means of disciplining children who act in wiful defiance against their parents or other authorities, but I don’t agree with corporal punishment of incidents of childish irresponsibility. When children are “punished” for simply being children during Mass (or a Protestant worship service), it will only create resentment against church and the resolution to stop attending church as soon as they are able.
I also think it puts the parents in grave danger of Child Protective Services taking their children away from them (and the children in grave danger of being removed from their parents’ home). It’s incredibly stupid on the part of the father (and mother) for doing this in public–they are walking on a cliff’s edge, and I would expect that someone in the congregation is filming the incident on a phone (camera) and will be sending it to CPS very soon. It’s stupid to the point where I wonder if the father has some kind of intellectual disability! His ignorance of the current social environment in the U.S. is shocking.
Being a Major in the U.S. Marine Corps will NOT protect this foolish, foolish man from losing his children–if anything, it will give even more reason to remove the children from the home where they are being treated like recruits, not children.
If I were the mother, I would drag DADDY out of the sanctuary whenever he whacked one of the children, and I would hold him by the scruff of his neck and tell him in a low, firm voice that the children are going home with ME and Daddy isn’t welcome in the house until he agrees to wise up and learn about child development and STOP giving CPS an open invitation to take the children away from us!!!
I’m going to add hitting a child in the back of the head could cause significant injury. Especially a child that young.
If he’s like this in front of the parish, how is he at home behind closed doors.