Gossiping is no sanity check - it is mere gossip. It is also toxic to the soul - as prove by your very statement:
“I am at the point where I am beginning to wonder if anything is set in stone with regard to the Church or can it all be explained away or justified”.
St. Ignatius of Loyola was adamant:
We should always be prepared so as never to err to believe that what I see as white is black, if the hierarchic Church defines it thus.
[The Spiritual Exercises]
St. Francis of Assisi went as far as to command his brothers in his Testament, as a model of imitation:
God inspired me too, and still inspires me with such great faith in priests who live according to the laws of the holy Church of Rome…that if they persecuted me, I shuld still be ready to return to them for aid. I refuse to consider their sins.
And here we are, arguing that this statement is heretical, and that action is a liturgical abuse, and we forget the log in our own eye. You state:
I know the difference between an actual abuse (all three levels according to Redemptionis Sacramentum), versus mere irregularities or personal peferences.
I suggest that if you do have such knowledge, then it is better to share the knowledge rather than the abuse, and report the abuse politely through the proper, private channels. After all, every Ordinary (as you surely know) is the supreme liturgist of his Church.
Also, it is wiser to use a keen eye in introspection than in seeking the faults outside of us, or so does suggest “The Imitation of Christ”.
Hope some of this helps. It helped me when I was a “liturgical policeman”.