What will you do WITHOUT your spouse?

What will you do WITHOUT your spouse?

I love doing things with my wife, however, we each have separate interests as well. Us, spending each and every free moment with each other would drive us both nuts.

My question is why would I be doing these things without my spouse? He is in the military so there are many occassions where I have to do something without him (like go to Church, attend a family function, etc) but I do not want to go without him and he wishes he could be with me.

Also, because of my poor health, there are many times where he must attend something without me. But again, that wouldn’t be our choice.

Neither of us would dream of going on vacation without the other. We would never choose to go to Mass without the other.


What made you ask this question?


I’m not so sure how to answer the poll becuase of the wording. When neccessary I wouldn’t hesitate to go to many of those things without him but it sounds like it is put in a way where I would rather go without him or him deciding not to go wouldn’t bother me. Neither of those are true.

Malia

I am not married yet, so I really don’t want to do anything without him once we are married. But I realize that there will be times when I want to go hang out with my girl pals and have dinner or go see a flick. It won’t happen that often because we both love being social with the same people.

In light of two recent spouse related threads I was wondering how dependent some people are of their spouses…made me think of how much I love my DH but also how individual & independent we are.

I think you answered the question beautifully…every story is unique. Thank you for sharing.

Over the years I’ve found that DH and I are much more willingly to give situations a try alone…as Mike262 posted above…

I love doing things with my wife, however, we each have separate interests as well. Us, spending each and every free moment with each other would drive us both nuts.

The important key is that there is a meeting of minds & hearts in between independent experiences.

“I was wondering how dependent some people are on their spouses…made me think of how much I love my DH but also how individual & independent we are.”

My husband and I love doing things together - not because we are dependent on one another, but because we are one another’s best friend. I will shop without him while he stays with the kids, or run errands without him, and he’ll go to the shooting range for target practice without me (but does invite me) but when he’s on one of his days off from work, we do as much together as possible. Maybe we’re just still in the “honeymoon” phase of our marriage - but I’m not planning on changing things anytime soon! :smiley:

[quote=sanctareparata] Maybe we’re just still in the “honeymoon” phase of our marriage - but I’m not planning on changing things anytime soon! :smiley:
[/quote]

Very nice…
It would be great to know how long posters have been married. Are you really newlyweds or oldlyweds in a perpetual honeymoon embrace?

Married almost 16 years… we do things together, we do things apart. As we get older, it seems we do more things together (of course, my increasingly limited mobility means that I’m a bit more dependant now than when I was younger…)

We have traveled, for business and pleasure - both together and not.

I really dont like doing anything without my spouse. I didn’t mind before we had kids but now that we’re a real “family”, I feel like we should spend our time together.

DH isn’t Catholic and refuses to go so thats one thing DD and I do by ourselves. :wink: I’m working on him.

We’ve been married for 5 years. I’d be fine going to family functions and teacher meetings and stuff that HAD to be done, but as far as just hanging out and doing something fun, I’d rather share with DH.

A different way to consider this question would be to ask “what would you prefer your spouse to do without you?” While my wife and I do enjoy doing many things together, I would be delighted to be excused the next time she wants to watch On Golden Pond with her girlfriends while I do something more interesting and enjoyable, like cleaning out the sump pit.

Going on 3 years of marriage for us…and going much too quickly. He is truly one of the greatest joys of my life. :love:

[quote=JB.]A different way to consider this question would be to ask “what would you prefer your spouse to do without you?”
[/quote]

Good one! I know my DH would prefer that I go shopping alone :rotfl: …well except for car shopping…then I’d prefer that he do that alone.

But, one spouse can expect too much in the way of participation from the other. My sister’s fiancé is a prime example. He expects her to do all the things he loves doing, and some of them are just too dangerous for her to do, such as skydiving, which she tried and nearly got killed doing or riding her own motorcycle, which she is also bad at.

He’s really struggling with the idea that she has no interest in doing such things, although she loves to ride behind him on the motorcycle and loves to watch him skydive, it isn’t enough for him. I told her he doesn’t want a wife he wants a playmate. They were going to get married this August, but since they can’t come to an agreement over this issue they wisely postponed it. So, it can be a real problem for some people.

[quote=Della]But, one spouse can expect too much in the way of participation from the other. My sister’s fiancé is a prime example. He expects her to do all the things he loves doing, and some of them are just too dangerous for her to do, such as skydiving, which she tried and nearly got killed doing or riding her own motorcycle, which she is also bad at.

He’s really struggling with the idea that she has no interest in doing such things, although she loves to ride behind him on the motorcycle and loves to watch him skydive, it isn’t enough for him. I told her he doesn’t want a wife he wants a playmate. They were going to get married this August, but since they can’t come to an agreement over this issue they wisely postponed it. So, it can be a real problem for some people.
[/quote]

I’m thinking hefty life insurance policy…on him :rotfl:

[quote=Sanctareparata]Going on 3 years of marriage for us…and going much too quickly. He is truly one of the greatest joys of my life. :love:
[/quote]

That was me 20 years ago…I knew we were evolving together when love notes on the fridge went from " I love you and miss you, DH" to “Something smells in the garbage, In a hurry, Love DH”.

**LOL:rotfl: **

Just for the record, DH and I are coming up on our 7th anniversary.

Due to some poor decisions on both of our parts, we never really had that “honeymoon phase”. But, as we grow and mature and come to understand what marriage is truly about, we are becoming truly happy with one another and our marriage. And now, with our first baby on the way, we feel like a family too.

We both believe that families should be together. Have meals together, have fun together, share responsiblities etc. But we also understand the need for some independant interests, both for ourselves and our
** child(ren).**

For example, hubby likes to scuba dive. Unfortunately he rarely gets the opportunity. But a couple of years ago a chance popped up. So we borrowed my parents mini-van, brought the dog with us, rented a cabin, and spent a wonderful weekend in the mountains. Of course, a large part of that consisted of me and the dog just hanging out on the shore alone, but it was worth it to see him enjoy himself and for us to be able to spend the rest of the time together.

There are things we do seperately from eachother. I enjoy spending a day window shopping or browsing through the local garden center with my mom. He likes to go to certain movies with guy buddies. But because of my health he doesn’t get much chance to be without me. I feel terrible about that, but he is such a great husband!

**Ok, enough about us, lol. I could go on all day. Must be these darn pregnancy hormones;) **

Malia

My husband and I have been married for 20 years now. I would probably have to say that I’d hesitate to do any of those things without him but I would and have done all them without him at one time or another. Sometimes this has just been a matter of practicality. It was easier for just one person to attend an event than to get a baby sitter. Other times it has been a conflict with work or some other activity.

I sing in the Church choir and he doesn’t so even if we are at the same Mass we are not truly ‘with each other’.

I have been to family get-togethers without him. He’s been to some without me.

We both spend time with friends without each other. We don’t always. Some times friends schedule guy nights or girl nights. When else will men do guy things or women do girl things?

It’s rare but we have gone on ‘vacations’ without each other. I’ve gone with my mother and daughters. He goes to bowling tournaments.

We usually decide about parent-teacher conferences and open houses based on practicality. If it’s serious/important we both try and go. If it’s routine we figure out what to do based on time of day and what other events are scheduled for that time period. If one of us has a regularly scheduled function at that time then usually the other one will attend the school event.

We would probably not go to formal company parties without each other unless there was a very serious reason. For informal get-togethers we might go separately.

When we were first married I think we thought attending events together was more necessary than we do now. But he doesn’t really want to go to all of my functions and I don’t want to go to all of his. If one of us doesn’t really want to be somewhere then the other will probably not have a very good time anyways. But I don’t want to deny him every event that I don’t care to attend and he doesn’t wish to deny me every event he doesn’t care to attend.

When your children start having their own interests and obligations it sometimes falls on one parent to support the children while the other meets extended family or other social obligations.

As the lone Catholic in the house, I don’t hesitate to attend Mass without my spouse. On rare occasions he is willing to attend, but if I’m canting or singing with the choir, forget it.

I will on occasion go out with female friends without him. I also will go out to lunch or dinner with my coworkers (a mixed group- 4 women, 3 men) without him. He’s always welcome, as is any other significant other who is able, but he doesn’t usually join us.

I don’t like the idea of going on a vacation without him. Not because we don’t trust each other, but because he’s my favorite person to spend leisure time with, and neither of us sleep well without the other in the bed.

Dh gets to travel on business. Only occasionally have I been able to go along. As a result of his travel, and his appreciation for travel, I have gone away on my own a few times. In fact, youngest dd and I are going to Rome together for Pentecost. (we went to Rome as a family for Christmas 2004)

When the kids are grown, God willing, we plan to travel together. But for now, we’re OK with not travelling together.

The thread makes me chuckle. Dh is ADD and to be honest, I need a break sometimes. Take that however you want, but if you live w/ ADD you know what I mean :slight_smile: So doing things apart is just not a big deal for us. —KCT

Having small children, no nearby family member and not knowing anyone local that we’d trust to babysit, we tend to do a lot of things without each other so that one of us can be with the little ones.

I have to very often go to mass without my spouse due to his job schedule ( he works shifts of either daytime or nighttime 12 hours and various days all the time) I have to go to parent teacher conf. without him or he without me, we take turns, one semester he goes and I stay home with the four kids or vise versa, we haven’t gotten a babysitter since I had my last child and that was my parents, my spouse goes to movies with the kids while I stay home with the youngest and vise versa, I many times have to go to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. at my families or his without him if work falls on that day (the company he works at runs year round 24/7 so it must have an electrician on staff at all times, it is not easy but I just don’t even think about it anymore and I know it won’t always be like this and someday our kids will grow up and leave home and then when my husband is around I wonder what we will think :smiley: that will be strange to have the freedom to do anything we want or go anywhere we want without a thought to who will watch the kids, kinda exciting to think of and kinda scary too :slight_smile:

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