What would be true mercy?

sorry, guys, i still seem to be stuck on the unwed pregnancy issue.

i understand a lot better now, the case for when a person is in a position of moral authority. most of you who posted were right, it should be evaluated on a case to case basis in order to find the best possible solution.

but what about in general? let’s say a society was predominantly christian. obviously, best case scenario is that it doesn’t happen but we are all sinners, so there is still a chance that it does

in the past, there was a lot of ostracism and stigma, but it is that really the best way? i guess they thought that was a good way to deter, if people knew how horrible others would treat them and the child. maybe some will say that they deserve it since they chose to sin.

what if it was your child that it happened to, for example, or your friend’s kid. from good catholic families, who should know better but had a serious lapse of judgment? and they are repentent

should all kids in those cases be put up for adoption? le’ts say abortion isn’t an issue.

how do we show mercy without making the sin seem ok but without having to resort to scorn?

should it be seen as a scandal for the rest of their life? imagine if all our sins were treated like that

there are situations like this too. divorce, or a murderer releasedd from prison. they still get treated badly even if they confess

thoughts and opinions please?

I already answered this question in your other thread.

In all cases, the decision to parent or place for adoption should be based on what is best for the child.

Look. There’s always a trade off. There’s always a temptation to be nice instead of kind. I mean the nicest thing is to let the girl think there’s minimal consequences for her actions. Let her think that society’s ok with it. But. The problem is that this isn’t really the kind approach. It’s the lazy way out. Because.

Because that girl’s more than just irresponsible. It’s more than just a quick lapse of judgement. It’s a life-changing decision for the baby she’s one day going to release on the world. Giving it up for adoption might have a better chance for the child on average. Even though it’s the harder choice. Even though it’s not seen as nice. But truly. What’s kind about bringing a kid into a situation where they’re behind everyone else? On average.

So yeah. The judgement’s going to be hard if someone doesn’t seem to have the resources. But decides against adopting out. I mean that one lapse in judgement’s enough to change not only the baby’s life. But also everyone’s life around it. The girl’s life. Her parents’ life. Or any other nearby relative. So yeah. It’s sort of a big deal. It sort of matters more than if she just feels bad about it. Bad enough to just say sorry once.

But if you were this girl. If this was about you. Then I’d have different advice. Because I’d want to be nice to you. I wouldn’t want you to feel the pain I’ve just thrown out there. Instead I’d want to protect you from it. As much as possible. And do what I could to make life as easy for you as possible. So there you have it.

You’ve got advice from a clear hypocrite. Someone whose principals get sort of softened. The closer he gets to the core of things. Sorry about that.

Peace angel.


Approaches to excite contrition within a person will vary somewhat depending on the time & place & culture. You can’t say stigmatization never works because that’s essentially what ex-communication is: it’s a harsh medicinal action that’s designed to make the person know “this is serious” and hopefully bring them back. This stigmatization can easily become two-faced if you’re not willing to hold yourself to the same standards. I’m convinced this played a large part in the endorsement of practicing homosexuality among much of mainstream culture. After X number of millions of people in the 70s, 80s, and 90s that were content to make shrewd jokes or even mistreat the gay community while simultaneously fornicating and divorcing, people eventually caved in and became permissive.

Good question.

Short answer: All babies are a gift. All of us are sinners.

Long answer:

My 19 yo unmarried Goddaughter is having a baby in January. The father became abusive and then not interested. I’m throwing her a baby shower on All Saint’s Day.

You can’t take abortion out of the question b/c it is very available and is likely to continue to be so.

Yes, it’s true that her “lapse in judgement”, her sin, has lifetime consequences for many, especially her baby, but treating her badly only makes that worse for both of them and of course encourages many young mothers to make the devastating choice of abortion.

Many young (and old) people sin and/or make poor choices with potential longterm consequences. Some of us are lucky and get away w/o those consequences. For example, when I was a teen I foolishly accepted a ride from a man I didn’t know. I was able to get out at a red light when I realized what a mistake that was but I still shudder when I think what might have happened.

I’ve come to see that a true pro-life ethic means celebrating all human life, even and perhaps especially babies born in less than ideal circumstances: unwed parents, desperately poor parents, disabled parents, disabled babies, etc.

Those in difficult circumstances need even more help, not less.

What about the sin? Well, we are all sinners. Sexual sin has visible consequences only for the mother. As her Godmother, I will continue to encourage her to go to Confession frequently and avoid the near occasions of sin, as I encourage all my children and Godchildren.

In the meantime, I will also celebrate this gift of a child with her and her family, and do my best to help this baby not suffer as much as she might from the lack of married parents.

Sin is everywhere we look. It’s inside of us and around us. To the extent that we become aware of that and admit to it, and aware of Gods love and mercy, we can become loving and merciful as well. Don’t readily expect that love from the world, however; we’re not God even tho we play at being Him; it takes time to be transformed into Gods image.

And since we’re not Him, we don’t have a perfect world, we can’t know the hearts of people. Society has to protect itself for practical reasons and those guilty of more heinous crimes are bound to be held in suspicion. Either way we must find a balance between upholding healthy moral standards, genuinely recognizing sin as sin, and practicing love for the sinner.

yes, thank you, i know you answered that part.

do you have any thoughts on the rest of the post?

i just have a hard time with these sort os sins where people think they merit scorn for the rest of their lives.

if someone has confessed, do they really need people looking down on them forever? because that is what tends to happen.

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