What would you do if?


#1

How would you respond to your teen or tween if they come at you with, “You just think you’re in charge of everything” in an angry tone?


#2

[quote=Quaere Verum]How would you respond to your teen or tween if they come at you with, “You just think you’re in charge of everything” in an angry tone?
[/quote]

An angry tone would + a snippy remark = punishment of no computer/TV/video games for 2 days. We tolerate NO disrespect whatsoever. Say whatever you want about me in your room with the door shut… but to my face? :tsktsk:


#3

I’m the parent, of course I’m in charge. Besides that, if they are living in my house, no matter what their age, my rules apply.


#4

Actually, God is in charge and he put me incharge to teach you to be a good and respectable person. That is why the commandment says to honor your mother and father because we have to teach you how to behave in an ever changing society. So, you can now be grounded and think about how God and I feel about your actions. When you are ready to go to confession, we will discuss this further! :smiley:

Ok, that might not be mt first reaction, but I thought it sounded pretty good!


#5

The one with the money is the one with the power.

Kids understand that.


#6

[quote=Quaere Verum]How would you respond to your teen or tween if they come at you with, “You just think you’re in charge of everything” in an angry tone?
[/quote]

That’s a typical teen response…i wouldnt make a huge deal out of it. It was probably coming out in a moment of anger…Id ignore it or say “Im the parent, Im in charge.”


#7

I would simply say, Yep, I am in charge, with that said you will go to your room (without TV and other stuff) until you can speak to me in a nicer tone and say and mean you are sorry.


#8

I would say “yep, I’m in charge, you’re absolutely correct, and when you grow up and pay your own bills, you’ll be in charge”


#9

I’ll admit to being the oddball and staying silent and listening. If I ever spoke in anger to my mother (dad was a different story - we had a bad relationship) like that, she & I would sit down, and she’d hear me out. Of course, she would first and foremost mention my tone of voice and we’d address that, but I can guarantee you that I respected her a lot more for taking time to talk to me, not as a small child, but as a teen who was wanting to be older than need be. I hope that I can remain as level-headed as she has always been when that time comes in my life to deal w/ a teen.

In the end, yes, she & my father were in charge, but she was willing to hear other points of view and as maturity was shown to her, she gave more consideration to my wants. I’m 30 now, and can say that my mother is the type of mother I want to be as I parent my own child.


#10

Response: roll eyes, hold up forefingers and thumbs with thumbs touching to form a W, and say, “Whatever!”

– Mark L. Chance.


#11

[quote=mlchance]Response: roll eyes, hold up forefingers and thumbs with thumbs touching to form a W, and say, “Whatever!”

– Mark L. Chance.
[/quote]

And then watch(laughing, of course) as your anger filled teen is so shocked by that response that she/he can’t help but laugh momentarily before returning to the anger filled message at hand. :smiley:


#12

I would say something like “First of all you need to talk to me with respect” and the something like “Yes I am in charge, because God gave me that job as a parent and I love you and when you have children that will be your job. Now if you want to address me respectfully we can sit down and talk about why you feel I am being unfair.”


#13

[quote=~Jenn~]I’ll admit to being the oddball and staying silent and listening. If I ever spoke in anger to my mother (dad was a different story - we had a bad relationship) like that, she & I would sit down, and she’d hear me out. Of course, she would first and foremost mention my tone of voice and we’d address that, but I can guarantee you that I respected her a lot more for taking time to talk to me, not as a small child, but as a teen who was wanting to be older than need be. I hope that I can remain as level-headed as she has always been when that time comes in my life to deal w/ a teen.

In the end, yes, she & my father were in charge, but she was willing to hear other points of view and as maturity was shown to her, she gave more consideration to my wants. I’m 30 now, and can say that my mother is the type of mother I want to be as I parent my own child.
[/quote]

What a wonderfully patient and insightful mom you have.:clapping: Honestly I think parents with this attitude get better results as far as behavior. I give yout mom alot of credit, if only we could all use such restraint in the face of a smart mouth teenager. It’s hard enough with a smart mouth grade schooler.


#14

There are some great responses here. Thanks everybody for your insight. I have one child who really needs to work on tone. So often I sit down and listen to what she has to say but definately have throw in how tone makes the biggest difference in the world. She could say the exact thing with a different tone and get a completely different reaction.

This time, however, I told her the next morning she was in charge of getting her own breakfast, making sure we left to her soccer game on time, that she was in charge of her own time but that the T.V. wouldn’t go on until everything was done including all of my chores. I felt later that I might have been a little too harsh as I saw her tear up when she didn’t have a place set for breakfast. I guess time will tell.

I ended the day having a private talk which she really craves these days. I asked her what would happen to her team if they didn’t have a coach. I asked her what happens when the coach is not around and the assistant coach takes charge. I had her establish that a coach was important. I then got up, gave her a hug and said, “Parents are like the coaches of the family.” Then I walked away. The End!


#15

Walk away…for fear of acting in retalation toward said kid. Wait at least 15 minutes. Go back…with proper consequences (such as grounding for a couple days, no TV or video games, etc.). IF said kid chased me through the house when I called a halt while I calmed down, there would be a rumble where I would successfully wrestle the child into a cold shower, and end up wet myself.


#16

I think it’s more important for the kid to understand why I’m in charge than just that it is because it is. If your kid only respects you because you force them to and wont have it any other way… what happens when they’re not in your control anymore. Something has to be left to stand after they move out, when they wont be saying “I’d better not do this, mommy will punish me”

That being said, discipline is impotant


#17

You did what I voted for… kids’ sometimes misunderstand the parents role in their life so to give them a dose of what it’s really like brings them back to earth sometimes… they get onto their high horse. When my 5 year old gets a dose of how she bahaves in dealing with her younger sister… she hates it when they have to go clean their room but the oldest is the one that ends up cleaning… so she knows how I feel when I’m trying to get chores done and they aren’t being helpful.

A dose of humility every now and then never killed a kid and you can see how God does it to us when we adults get too hotheaded too. Sometimes he uses my 5 year old! :rotfl:


#18

[quote=tamccrackine]You did what I voted for… kids’ sometimes misunderstand the parents role in their life so to give them a dose of what it’s really like brings them back to earth sometimes… they get onto their high horse. When my 5 year old gets a dose of how she bahaves in dealing with her younger sister… she hates it when they have to go clean their room but the oldest is the one that ends up cleaning… so she knows how I feel when I’m trying to get chores done and they aren’t being helpful.

A dose of humility every now and then never killed a kid and you can see how God does it to us when we adults get too hotheaded too. Sometimes he uses my 5 year old! :rotfl:
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Every so often (once or twice a year) we’ll be running around doing errands and my children get on their high horse as you put it. I’ll say something like, “O.K., today I’m going to pick out the radio station, I’m going to decide where we’re going to eat,** I’m** going to order what I want to for you, and if we go shopping for clothes,** I’m** going to pick it out for you. In other words, today you have no choices.” Boy that really shapes everyone up. I think once in a while our children need to be reminded of their role. There are so many choices given to them that they begin to feel entitled. It seems harsh, but every so often, my oldest especially will start trying to take charge going as far as trying to tell my husband or myself what to do. I feel it’s necessary.


#19

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