What Would You Do?


#1

A dear and old friend has a new BF. He’s very charming, but has a criminal record. He is also homeless.

I have space at home, but my lodgers have said they will leave if I give him the spare room.

I need their cash.

But, my instinct is to give him a home. It’s not “trust”, though I do trust him. It’s… well, we all need a home.

I dont care about my stuff. It’s all silly frippery anyway. But my lodgers need a home too, that is why they are here.

Life is good, but is my generosity getting the better of me?

My instinct is to let him stay. I think he wont let me down. And I’ve done this before and it was all fine. But…


#2

[quote=Digger71]I have space at home, but my lodgers have said they will leave if I give him the spare room.

[/quote]

Why have they said that?

If they are paying you to live in your home, you have an obligation to meet their basic needs (safety etc). So, if letting in this new person would jeopardize their sense of safety, then I think you need to pray long and hard about what to do. I don’t think anyone here will be able to give you a concrete answer without a lot more info.

Malia


#3

Can you find him other accommodations?


#4

I don’t know if this would help, but maybe you could consider looking into what the state offers in housing. Maybe you could also find one of those rent per week or month motels. It’s possible you could find one that is not very expensive and pool all of your, your friends, and his resources together and get him a place for a week or two, in the meantime he could get a job (or two) and use that money to tide himself over until he can get a place of his own.


#5

I am gonna give you my hard, but experienced opinion - because I have helped 2 homeless people in the past few years…

Does this person have the mental capacity to work at all - anywhere? That makes a big difference.
Plus he does have a criminal record, which does speak volumes in my book. Yes, we all have done some not too nice things in our past, but criminal???

I think there may be a correlation between some forms of mental illness or depression and homelessness. (My opinion only)

My ex-husband is a homeless, unemployed man. He is mentally ill. For many years after we were divorced I tried to help him with lodging, money, jobs, food and as much support as I could muster to get him on the road to good health and self-sufficiency.

It never worked. I would help him and he would inevitably do something outrageously odd - like lie or steal something. There is always the danger factor too.
My second attempt at helping a homeless person from my church this past year turned into a horrible situation of being really used and taken advantage of.

Recently, a 3rd homeless person approached me for lodging in my home. After listening for hours to her story, I fear there is some mental illness as well. She spoke of the police visiting her old home several times, child protective, etc.

I encourage you to take a loooooong hard look at this. You are helping the people who currently live under your roof. That is a blessing for them as well.


#6

[quote=jrabs]I am gonna give you my hard, but experienced opinion - because I have helped 2 homeless people in the past few years…
Does this person have the mental capacity to work at all - anywhere? That makes a big difference.
Plus he does have a criminal record, which does speak volumes in my book. Yes, we all have done some not too nice things in our past, but criminal???
I think there may be a correlation between some forms of mental illness or depression and homelessness. (My opinion only)
My ex-husband is a homeless, unemployed man. He is mentally ill. For many years after we were divorced I tried to help him with lodging, money, jobs, food and as much support as I could muster to get him on the road to good health and self-sufficiency.
It never worked. I would help him and he would inevitably do something outrageously odd - like lie or steal something. There is always the danger factor too.
My second attempt at helping a homeless person from my church this past year turned into a horrible situation of being really used and taken advantage of.
Recently, a 3rd homeless person approached me for lodging in my home. After listening for hours to her story, I fear there is some mental illness as well. She spoke of the police visiting her old home several times, child protective, etc.
I encourage you to take a loooooong hard look at this. You are helping the people who currently live under your roof. That is a blessing for them as well.
[/quote]

Charity and kindness are wonderful virtues; however, as you say, you are already helping the people who currently live under your roof.

Please be very careful Jen. I don’t want you or your boys to get hurt or taken advantage of.


#7

Hey JRabs…Do we have the same ex husband? Sounded exactly like what I have gone through. My ex has mental disorders and when he works tends to keep the job for about a year then mysteriously “loses it”

Digger…pray pray pray…while it is nice to help someone out, you do have others to think about too. Perhaps if you have any work that this guy could do for you that would be a better solution as he wouldn’t be there 24/7. It would also give him some choices in where he lives and get him on his feet.


#8

since you ask what I would do, that is how I will answer. I would refer BF to the agency in my town that helps recent parolees and the homeless find housing and jobs, and I would find a referral for my girlfriend for counselling so she gets help understanding her need to hook up with losers.

charity is a wonderful virtue but there is an error in thinking that it is always the best first choice for the individual to first assess the person’s need, and then try to supply the need herself. In some people that may become a sort of inverted pride, thinking that I myself am a better judge of what this person needs, and the best person to take care of him. Sometimes real charity is directing someone to professionals who can make a better informed assessment and provide better solutions.

you have a contract, verbal or written, with the boarders already under your roof, and an obligation to them. They are your first consideration.


#9

Mental illness should not be the reason to turn someone out. The mentally ill need your understanding the most.

Ever think that the homeless and unemployed don’t want to work and would rather steal than earn a living?

Digger71:
Why can’t he get a job? No one is too good for minimum wage. Also, you have to look after your welfare, first. It’s not prudent to bring in a non-paying lodger, to have two or three paying lodgers leave. It’s not your responsibility to find him a place to live. You considered him for your empty room, but the risk was too great. You’ve done your charitable deed.


#10

Today I took they guy to the probation service drop in centre and got the ball rolling on some of his applications. He doesnt read or write well so Karen and I did most of that work. I’ve decided to shunt more on to Karen in terms of adult education but we are using my address for mail; her parents have strong objections to him.

He’s sleeping in a barn but I let him come to my house to clean up. My lodgers are OK as long as he is supervised.


closed #11

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