What you would have told yourself back then


#1

I am nearly 17 and for the most part, I hate the people around me, especially those in a position of power above me. I am an anti-conformist in that way… Whenever I think of big business, it makes me sick… I don’t know if those details are really necessary, but I guess I’m trying to give you readers a glimpse of who I truly am.

A few months ago I realized just how much I don’t love my parents. In fact, they were gone from the house a little longer than usual, and the first thought that crossed my mind was “what if they’re dead in a ditch somewhere?” and my reaction to that thought was “My life would get better drastically.” I thought that because I’d inherit insurance money, 2 cars (one of which I’d sell and the other I would have all to myself) and my sister and I are old enough that she’d get emancipated and we’d share rent in an apartment. I’ve always wanted to live in an apartment. To me, quality of life increases as the quality of material possessions decreases.

Before I get to the point, I’ve started to use marijuana just because I can, and along with that I’ve had some alcohol (not a big fan). I don’t really care to do drugs beyond marijuana, mainly because marijuana is one of the safer ones and from what I’ve experienced, I don’t think I need to get any more high than marijuana can get me. Some might look in on my life and say that I’m using marijuana because of my lack of a loving relationship with anybody in my life, and I can’t say that is completely untrue, but that is something subconscious that I don’t actively control.

More to the point, I very much dislike my parents. If I’ve ever “hated” something in my life, my parents are probably it. Everything they do, say, and decide bugs the living hell out of me. My dad is completely moronic, ludicrous, and stubborn in his way of thinking. And my mother just goes with the flow, allows him to control her, and is completely lacking in self realization. (She is 110% against alcohol (yes I meant 110%) which is probably a big reason why I wanted to try it (anti-conformist)). I am a junior in high school and so I only have to wait another year and a half until I am rid of them, and I can go off to college and be my own person finally, but I feel like it is an injustice I even have to wait that long.

My point, What do you think? I’d like an outside opinion from an uninfluenced adult. Maybe you can tell me what you wish you would have known at my age, or what you believe I need to realize before I can be happy, or make good choices in my life. Tell me whatever you please, just try to be thoughtful, realistic, and inspiring. I plan on taking a little journey on my own. Get out of town, and just be one with the world. Any suggestions on what I should do on my journey? I would really like to put myself up to some kind of test, except I want it to be a test of who I am. I was thinking it’d be something like parking outside of a church where confession is being held, with my marijuana, and a pornographic magazine. I would do whatever I please in that moment, in whatever order I please, and afterwards I’d want to draw some kind of conclusion of who I am. I haven’t been to confession in at least 4 months, and I have a big issue with keeping my lust in check (hence the pornographic magazine. I don’t actually own one of these btw, I have only ever used the internet for such things. Been doing so for about 4-5 years now…).

Thank you for your time.


#2

Pull up your first post in this thread, hit print, put the page in the car instead of the porno magazine. Go to the church where they're having confession. Park and get out of your car with the printout. Go inside. Hand it to the priest. Open your heart. Let yourself begin the healing before Christmas.

God bless you.

Betsy


#3

I'd ask the same question I finally asked of myself when I was a younger man. Rebel. What is your cause? Ask the questions all the way through keep asking the "why?" until you get to the answer.


#4

I’m a college student, so I’m not too far removed from you in that respect.

Here’s some of the regrets/thoughts I have from the first 18 years of my life:

-I wish that I had never indulged in pornography. This is a constant struggle. Lust easily becomes an addiction, and I fight it on a daily basis. Unfortunately, many of my peers believe that lust is just the natural thing to do. Frankly, I don’t care what they think because I know that when I am with my future wife for the first time, I don’t want to be thinking about anything other than her. I don’t want to try to set a standard for her or I to live up to because pornography is a distorted, despicable view on human sexuality. It completely removes love from the equation, and denies one of the primary purposes of conjugal relations-procreation.

-I wish I had the balls to recognize and thank my parents for all that I have received from them. Finally being on my own in college, I suddenly realized many of the little things that my parents did for me. It could have been something as simple as making dinner or doing the laundry, but I realized that my parents have done so much for me in my life, and I rarely thank them. In fact, I think I probably immaturely yelled at them “I hate you!” More times than I truly have said, “Thanks, I love you too.” When I step back and look at all the times I have been upset at my parents, I was rarely justified to unleash the amount of rage I had been feeling.

-I don’t drink or do drugs despite the fact that 90% of my friends consume one or the other on a weekly, bi-weekly, or tri-weekly basis. God gave me a sober mind, and I don’t need to do anything to my mind to screw it up even more than I already have. Also, drugs and alcohol reduce our ability to fight temptation–especially with regard to lust!

-Hatred helps no one. I didn’t realize this until my senior year of high school, and I’m still working on this one. None of us know the entirety of each other’s stories. The people around you are carrying more baggage than you can imagine, and more than they are probably ever willing to admit. People struggle through life, mess up, and we rarely take this into consideration when making judgments about people’s attitudes, personalities, or personal character. Maybe the girl sitting next to you just lost a parent to cancer. Maybe your teacher’s brother committed suicide last month. Maybe the guy who cut you off just got a call that his wife is in labor. Maybe the kid who snapped at you in the cafeteria is frustrated because both of his parents are out of work and he may have to take up a part time job instead of playing on a sports team. Learn to realize that we cannot judge everyone’s actions, even our families and closest friends.

I know this is a lot to take in at once, and that you’re struggling right now with who you are. Some would even call this an identity crisis. Remember that you are a son of God, and no matter what, he will love you. I’d suggest following baltobetsy’s advice. Throw out the pot and the porn. Go to confession–you will feel better after this. Live as a servant of God. And remember to go to confession not just once, but to make it a habit. Don’t make excuses for yourself. One final note: If your parish, school, diocese, whatever, offers some sort of youth retreat for people your age, sign up!
Please update us on how you’re doing! I’ll be praying for you!


#5

First I'd wonder if you're a troll and it's boring during Christmas break so you're here trying to make all the old people gasp and clutch their chests in horror.

We were all 17. We survived to laugh at it now.

My advice:

Teenagers: Tired of being harrassed by your stupid parents? ACT NOW! Move out.... get a job.... pay your own bills. Do it while you still know everything.

Those parents who irritate you so much love you more than you probably deserve right now. In spite of the fact you're a pot-smoking baby with a superiority complex and no discipline, they're still feeding you. And if they knew you were hoping they'd die so you could get all that unearned stuff of theirs, they'd hopefully write you out of their wills.

What would I have told myself back then? Ummm... shut up and learn something from all those authority figures you hate so much. You're not as smart as you think you are. Be nice to your parents, because if you keep smoking pot and with your attitude you can't keep a job, you'll need their basement to live in when you're 35.

I kind of feel sad for you. You don't appreciate what you have. Ever met a teen whose parents really died in a car accident? I know of three girls who were just orphaned last month.

Car accident.

They could care less about the money, I'm sure.

Funny thing about stupid parents, the older you get the smarter they get.

And if they knew that your quality of life would go up if they stopped buying you stuff, I bet they'd be happy to save the money.

Oh... and the funny thing about you non-conformists. You're all alike. Cliches.

Try learning to be your own person in the framework of society. That takes much more cleverness and imagination and individuality than being your own person by walking away from the life and people that formed you.

To lead you have to know how to follow... or you'll never know what inspires others. Right now you're dooming yourself to follow the successful people in the world. Or to sit in their dust and choke on it.

And as for people in authority... authority carries with it responsibility. You aren't ready for that. First look around at how dependent you really are on people who are responsible.

Try to become responsible before you judge others who put a roof over your head. It's not as easy as it looks.

And by the way... you have no idea what other people's interior lives are. I would bet a month's salary you have no clue about anything your mother really thinks. Completely lacking in self-realization... maybe she's waiting for you to leave so she can finally do what she really wanted to do. Or maybe, sadly, YOU were her self-realization... bringing a new person into the world and raising a child to adulthood.

Yeah...I guess if I were you and your mother's idea of self realization was a son like that... I'd find it pretty much a failure.

Now that I've been mean, come back here with three good positive statements about the people who gave you everything you have and then I'll have a real conversation with you.

Because right now you are the stereotype of the silly teenage know it all who has so much to learn he doesn't even have a clue how clueless he is. And that is far more irritating than any parent could ever hope to be.

And there is nothing attractive about ingratitude.


#6

\I am nearly 17 and for the most part, I hate the people around me, especially those in a position of power above me. I am an anti-conformist in that way... Whenever I think of big business, it makes me sick... I don't know if those details are really necessary, but I guess I'm trying to give you readers a glimpse of who I truly am.

A few months ago I realized just how much I don't love my parents. In fact, they were gone from the house a little longer than usual, and the first thought that crossed my mind was "what if they're dead in a ditch somewhere?" and my reaction to that thought was "My life would get better drastically."\

**Sounds like typical immature 16-year-old teenage rebellion to me.

Don't worry, You'll grow out of it.**


#7

[quote="Waacm, post:1, topic:180656"]

A few months ago I realized just how much I don't love my parents. In fact, they were gone from the house a little longer than usual, and the first thought that crossed my mind was "what if they're dead in a ditch somewhere?" and my reaction to that thought was "My life would get better drastically."

...

More to the point, I very much dislike my parents. If I've ever "hated" something in my life, my parents are probably it. Everything they do, say, and decide bugs the living hell out of me. My dad is completely moronic, ludicrous, and stubborn in his way of thinking. And my mother just goes with the flow, allows him to control her, and is completely lacking in self realization.

[/quote]

Is your father abusive? I think hatred for parents is justified if they have abused you. To be honest I would be surprised if there wasn't some kind of abuse given what you've written.

As for advice for you as a young man? Do what you can to become a successful adult. Drinking and smoking marijuana frequently will not help you there. Focus on being a good student, getting into college, graduating, and becoming strong and independent.

Then you will never have to see your parents again if you so choose.


#8

some pretty good advice for you here already.
I'd just add this:

Get on your knees tonight and read what you wrote in your opening post, TO JESUS.
Then just listen, see what HE says.
If you don't hear anything, ask for His reply. Then shut up and listen some more.
If there is still no reply, ask the Blessed Virgin Mary to ask Him for you, Jesus never refuses His mother.

"God has assigned as a duty to every man, the dignity of every woman." Pope John Paul II


#9

[quote="Liberanosamalo, post:5, topic:180656"]
First I'd wonder if you're a troll and it's boring during Christmas break so you're here trying to make all the old people gasp and clutch their chests in horror.

[/quote]

I understand why you might say that, and I will assure you I am not here to troll. I am here because I know this is a primarily catholic website full of people like yourself who can give me advise.

[quote="Liberanosamalo, post:5, topic:180656"]
Teenagers: Tired of being harrassed by your stupid parents? ACT NOW! Move out.... get a job.... pay your own bills. Do it while you still know everything.

[/quote]

I have a job and the only reason I haven't done this is because the process of emancipation would be just as much of a hassle as waiting around until I'm finished with high school, and it would be painfully annoying immediately due to my parents throwing a **** fit over it. Please let that conversation end there, because it's a pointless conversation. I understand what your point is, and my point is that the actual implications of such an act are too hard to carry out.

[quote="Liberanosamalo, post:5, topic:180656"]
What would I have told myself back then? Ummm... shut up and learn something from all those authority figures you hate so much. You're not as smart as you think you are. Be nice to your parents, because if you keep smoking pot and with your attitude you can't keep a job, you'll need their basement to live in when you're 35.

[/quote]

I do learn things from authority figures; I learn exactly where they went wrong so I can make better decisions than they do. Also, you are assuming way too much about me. I am not disrespectful, or some kind of malcontent slacker; I am a straight A student and am more than capable of having and keeping a decent job. "...If * keep smoking pot and with [my] attitude..." My attitude? Have we met? I said I just started smoking pot, and my attitude is that it isn't very important. Last Friday I got what is best referred to as "****ed up," and it's only made me want to do it less, not more. My pot usage is truly of little importance in this conversation.

At this point in your response, as I was reading, I couldn't help but think you must be a troll, because that seems to be your only point. You just seem to want to bash me as much as you can. It is near Christmas time, and that's why I posted, because I have time to do stuff now that I'm not worrying about homework for one night. I was hoping for some maturity from adults on here... You make me doubt the abilities of those residing on this forum. You accuse me of being cliche, take a look at your response from my point of view. You said exactly what I arbitrarily expect as a reaction from authority figures such as my parents.

So you're skeptical of my opinion of my mother? I think you're underestimating my understand of the woman I've known for nearly 17 years. Consider this. She refuses to drink the blood of Christ at communion, not because she is in a state of sin, or something like that, but because it is alcohol. But wait, don't you believe that it's the blood of Christ mother? Really? Then why don't you accept it as such and partake? She is ridiculous! Whenever I ask something real, something that deserves an answer like "what is wrong with alcohol?" she doesn't respond! She sits there and tries to think of a way to talk around my question. She doesn't want to lie, but she doesn't want to say the truth because she can't accept it! She makes illegitimate arguments and refuses to defend herself with any kind of logic when it gets down to it. I give my dad credit for tolerating her, although it's obvious from their relationship there is no love, and I wonder if there ever was. Because my sister and I exist, I guess there must have been, but we are the only evidence I can see of it.

Three good things about "the people who gave [me] everything * have." I am assuming you mean my parents, but that way of thinking only extends to material things, like a home, food usually, school supplies, etc. The only thing beyond that that I am thankful for is my dad's music. I don't have three things to list to you, and honestly from your tone I don't feel like you deserve that request anyways. You've been rude.

You accused me of having no discipline, who's fault would you say that is? Mine? Or the people who raised me? They aren't as blameless are you're making them out to be. You say I need to learn responsibility like those who have put a roof over my head. Guess who hasn't asked for something for his birthday or Christmas since he was 12? Guess who goes through all available loops for money and resources he can before he asks it of his parents? Me. I make my living in my parents house as burden-less as I possibly can. They shouldn't have to put up with me asking for hand outs, and so I don't.

And to the others who have responded to my question, thank you, especially "Masculinity."**


#10

Waacm, I’ve seen some of your other posts, so am not going to just come out and tell you this is a total, classic troll post, but perhaps I’m wrong, who knows regardless, and I’ll just address you here, for the typical teenage rebel that thinks the way of the world is the way to go.

Ok, hate your parents, think it’s easier to be on your own, afterall, you don’t have their stupid rules to follow, it must be easier. You get on your own and find out you have a whole complete new set of rules to follow, these rules don’t come with penalties such as no video games or tv, they come with penalties such as no place to sleep, no food in your stomach, no electricity, etc.

You like to party, yet are totally anti social, not a good combo don’t you think? Looking back, I’ve had many good friends that have their lives ended, one of them even at the age of 21, all due to drugs and alcohol, then at the same time, the number of them “the bulk of them” having DUI’s, and such, paying out very large sums of money in the process, not a lot of fun going on there, pretty high price to pay just so you can have what you think is a good time.

The rest of this, you are really trying to tempt God into taking some kind of action, it’s a cry for help on your part, even though you don’t want to admit it, and again, if this is not a troll post. You only have a year into the faith as well, and I think you might be frustrated with how our way is not of the worlds, and instead of letting Christ work within you, to change you from within, you are tryign to do it from without, and it’s causing a clash, since you can never be good enough, and to be honest, none of us ever are, this is why we have God’s grace. At the same time, you are supposed to “try”, put some effort into it, any kind of effort is better then none, and don’t expect yourself to be able to become this better person over night.

The anger issues, it’s typical, you are frustrated because things aren’t moving fast enough. Spend some time volunteering at a homeless shelter, observe what happens when things move too fast, observe what you have to face if you want to let that anger control you, because this is going to be your future some day…

Luke 15:11-32 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Lost Son
11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[a]’

22"But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27’Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31" ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’


#11

I’ve been a teenager. I’ve had a slew of brothers and sisters and friends go through it. Now I’m the parent of teenagers.

You’re not as unique and individualistic as you think you are. You are very judgmental about people who have had life experiences you know nothing of. You want politeness but you come on here and say something so horribly rude that you cannot imagine how it sounds to a parent hearing some teenager say they wish their parents could die so they could take their money and live off it without the irritating presence of the parent in their lives.

What you don’t realize from your youthful vantage point is that we ALL have to live under authority. Rebelling against authority just because it’s there is purposeless and immature. Wisdom is learning to distinguish good and rightful and legitimate authority from tyranny, learning which authority to bow your knee to, and which authority to stand up against. You seem unable to distinguish between them. You are a rabble rouser for the sake of being a rebel.

The reason the courts make the process of emancipation difficult is so that only those teenagers who are truly mature enough to run that gauntlet will end up being emancipated and not a problem for the state to have to support.

We don’t need to meet for me to figure out your attitude. Your post is full of your attitude. Straight As in school do not always translate to success in the world. Giving people credit for what they do right also takes wisdom.

And you might want to know that your brain is still developing. And it will for about 6 or 7 more years. Maybe when your corpus collossum and your prefrontal cortex finish developing you will appreciate your parents more.

I’m glad I fulfilled your expectations of what authority figures like parents will say to your nonsense. Did you want me to praise you for wishing your mother and father would die?

Guess who else will respond to your “attitude” in predictable ways: Potential employers, bosses and former employers. Police. Judges. Neighbors. Landlords. And you will not have the luxury of responding to them in ways you think you should. You want to blame your parents for raising you with your attitude and lack of self control. Part of real maturity is owning your own behavior after a certain age. And giving them the credit for what is good about you along with what is not good.

You think because you have been on the planet for 17 years you know your mother? I suggest from what you say about her there are things you don’t begin to know. First of all, for about the first 11 years you were a little kid seeing her through the eyes of a child. Then you became a young teen. Your view of her is still that of someone who has never borne a child, never nursed a child, never been responsible for the life of another human being.

No, you dont’ have the right to say you know her. You don’t know what her hopes and dreams were, you probably don’t know what she thinks about things. I almost wonder, from what you say, whether she was scarred in life by alcoholism in her family somewhere and that accounts for her anti-alcohol stance. But why would she trust you with any information about herself. She is probably smart enough to detect your attitude and will not give you any information about herself that you will use to attack her.

Just a guess… because I’m guessing your hatred for them is no secret.

She doesn’t owe you answers about her thoughts. That’s another lesson you might learn in life… people have the right to emotional and mental boundaries and a hostile teenager does not have the right to know every reason for every action of his or her parents.

Whatever “truth” you think she’s talking around, too honest to discuss it, but one she can’t accept… what kind of cruel person keeps attacking her to force her to confront it?

That’s arrogant.

Why should she have to defend herself to her teenager? Her relationship with God is between her and God. And by the way, receiving the Communion host is sufficient in and of itself.

If you think being rude means someone doesn’t deserve any answers from you, then no wonder your mother doesn’t give you any answers. You are probably rude to her too.

As a mother, let me suggest that your presence in their home is a burden. Your hatred of them and intolerance of their human foibles (since you have none and can judge them) is probably a burden on their hearts you don’t begin to know.

I hurt for them.

When life teaches you some lessons, come back and judge others. You haven’t walked in their shoes.


#12

Just maybe; you are not being challenged enough. It wouldn’t surprise me if you are at times baffled by what both is and is not going on in your life. Sounds like the normal stretch into maturity is causing its own confusion, apprehension, self-doubt, loneliness, restlessness and ‘manliness’ that is demanding you pro-create when you are clear it is not what you need to be doing for awhile. Does nearly every normal young man have this going on in their life? Yes!!! It’s just that it shows up in you different than it may in the other guys that you know. And, it may be very similar to what is happening in most of the other guys in your age group.

The simple answer & solution is; pray, go to church, read the Bible, get involved in your church!

However, that frequently is not the solution that works best if it is the only thing you do.
At 16, since I was able to buy a cheap old car, I decided I would run away from home [that’s what it was called then] and find what life was about and get away from what was at home. I had been offered a good college education and, thinking I knew what better, declined and had to get my ‘higher education’ later on my own. Not the wisest act I have ever decided on.

Since you are quietly asking for ideas consider these: focus on how to use the values of ‘big-business’, democracy and free-enterprise for your future benefit; Study Dale Carnegie & Anthony Robbins to understand how to build your personal ‘power-base’; spend one school year working with an organization like Maranatha to develop your skills with people and the world. Those are some of the things I would like to have been directed to when I was 15 or 16 because I know their value now.

You are at the point where taking inventory of your strengths and weaknesses is very valuable for when you are ‘out there’ on your own. Learn what a Master-Mind group is and seriously develop it for your future. When you are about 25 it will all really start coming together or will have disintegrated, which depends primarily on YOU. And, continue to build your faith in Jesus and His love for you.

One Man’s opinion


#13

I’m glad that you are thinking about these things. It means the Holy Spirit is working on your heart.

Confession–just do it.

Realize that your parents are flawed people with their own weaknesses and wounds. Try to think about how they came to be as they are. Love them, anyway.

Quit being self destructive.

Pray. alot. Study the faith.

Do not go on a journey on your own!!! Go over to Grandpa’s or an uncle’s house if you need a break.

If you really want to change, be willing.

I remember my teens years as rather painful emotionally. You have all these raw emotions and you don’t have the experience, training, or perspective to know what to do with them. Be patient with your self. Pray, ask for help from an adult you respect.

God bless. I know it’s not easy.


#14

So you're skeptical of my opinion of my mother? I think you're underestimating my understand of the woman I've known for nearly 17 years. Consider this. She refuses to drink the blood of Christ at communion, not because she is in a state of sin, or something like that, but because it is alcohol. But wait, don't you believe that it's the blood of Christ mother? Really? Then why don't you accept it as such and partake? She is ridiculous! Whenever I ask something real, something that deserves an answer like "what is wrong with alcohol?" she doesn't respond!

Ok, you're really judging and coming off harsh to her.

Your mother dosn't owe you an answer for anything.

Very likely your mother watched someone she loved suffer (or die) from something alcholol related. She may have been alcholic herself. Are you native American by any chance? My older brother also refuses to drink any alcohol weather it be in communion wine or whatever. He saw what alchol did to his relatives and as a young child was so upset by it he swore off alchol.

Even though it is the blood of Christ, its still alchol and for someone who struggles with the disease of alcholoism, or someone who has watched great pain come out of alcholoism the thought of even having one milligram of alchol is more than they can bear. It really dosn't matter if its Christ's blood or not. And, quite honestly, its perfectly acceptable. Your mother dosn't owe you an answer now or ever.

And about not asking for gifts. WOW your parents have show true love. Love is giving to the other knowing the other may reject it. For the past five years you've asked for nothing, your parents gave, you've rejected it and YET THEY KEEP ON GIVING! That is a sign of love. They want good for you and keep trying to provide.

And you are very typical. You're just like all 17yo's who think they know everything becuase they have a job. They want to leave the house beucase they could do everything so much better than their parents.

Apartment's aren't all that. On the cheaper end you have to worry about crime & break ins, about little or poor heat in the winter and about having no cooling in the summer (which is ok if you're on the 1st or 2nd floor but can be brutal on the 4th or 5th). If something breaks you have to call a landlord and often they don't come for hours or days so you can be without water or electricity for just as long. Smoke alarms can be defective, other tenants can have dogs that bark, sex right next to your bedroom wall, or pee drunken in the foyer. You may not have laundry machines in your apartment so you have to drag it off to a laundry mat which are expensive. Apartments don't come with full sets of cookware, extra blankets if you get cold, fans for when its hot or anything. Living alone means that food spoils on you, that no one will ever cook you dinner, that no one will wake you if your alarm fails and you have to do all the clean up.

And apartments aren't exactly unmaterialistic. In a way a nice apt is MORE materialistic beucase you aren't required to care for your property in a meaningful way.

As you're reading that I know you're thinking that your apartment will be different. That you won't have to face ANY of that stuff. And apartment life is so much better than living in a house beucase you don't have any of the "stupid" rules your parents have. Well, sure you don't have someone barking the rules at you, but you do have to set rules for yourself, which can be vastly more difficult.

I know someone who excaped from an extremely abusive household where there was daily physical abuse. Even they struggled with bills and all the things apartment life brought after living in a house. Even they had times when they just wanted to be able to do their laundry easily, or not have to cook, etc.


#15

I remember when I was a teen writing in my diary that "I now know everything there is to know". I actually believed it too. ha ha ha ha ha!


#16

I grew up in the sixties and I cannot imagine any attitude more conformist, non-thinking and trite than "I hate authority, I hate my parents, and I can't wait to get high".


#17

Teenagers! It’s incredible to see how some of us acted as teens…Always sure of ourselves and all knowing!!! When I was 17 I couldn’t stand my family, ran away at 18 got married and had a bunch of kids…Life changed completely and dramatically, husband didn’t turn out the way he faked himself to be, work life, college life and raising kids was the most difficult experience ever had… Things don’t get better or easier when you move out…Things never go as planned, our plans are only puffs of air for GOD! If you are serious about your religion learn the Ten Commandments, one of them is “Honor thy father and thy mother” meaning do not judge your parents it’s not your right to do it’s GOD’s right only! Whatever your parent’s decisions are about going to mass, following the Bible and church teachings are not going to be like yours, you don’t know what led your mother to not accepting alcohol and your need to smoke pot is very teenage like…part of the teenage life…most teens do that kind of stuff…I didnt smoke that stuff nor cigs but I did drink around that age…father was an alcoholic wanted to know what the whole fuss was about…Learned quickly that all hell breaks loose when you’re intoxicated…

If you follow through with your religion then you will know pornography is not accepted…and neither is lust… and since you didn’t know this because you keep on doing it, then obviously you don’t know it all…and that is something you need to work on…instead of hating the world and your family start reading the Bible, you will learn a lot from it…

If it bothers you so much that your mother doesn’t want to drink the blood of Christ, then dont go to mass with them, go to mass at a different time…

You sound like my immature 22 year old brother whom judges me on my decisions of my life as if he has the right to do so…I don’t judge his decisions, when he was having orgies in our parents home, doing pot and other drugs with his friends, disrespecting our mother, he has hit her before because he wouldn’t follow her rules, yet he’s still mommys boy, etc…It’s not my job to do so…my job is to pray for such a person…Unfortunately my prayers haven’t been answered yet but I am sure GOD has a special plan for him esp now that he’s all grown up and married, lives on his own, finishing UN, of course mommy and daddy still pay his cell phone bill and car insurance…on a monthly basis so he must not be all that independent… :shrug:

Anyhow, the best thing to do is just read the Bible, and pray…continue praying for your family that’s all you can do…Maybe you don’t remember when you were a tiny tot how much love and effort it took from your parents to raise you, you don’t know what they sacrificed for your safety and for your health. All that might seem pointless to you, but just remember that sometime in the near future you might be a father too and man how horrible you will feel when you put your own rules on your own home for your own kids and they come to a forum telling people how much they hate you because of your beliefs rules etc…I am sure you would be very disappointed in your kids after all the love and care you have given them…

Hope you have a Merry Christmas, GOD bless and hope GOD guides you through these difficult preadult years…Believe me life is not easy on your own, it’s worst when you don’t even get to hear your parents once in a while, as annoying as I am with my mother calling me 24/7 and still trying to change me and tell me what to do after 31 years, I tell you that when I am in need it’s nice having her to talk to, so I have spoken with her about talking on a daily basis and we have an understanding of me calling her whenever I have the time, things have gotten a bit better between us…just a bit…not much but a bit counts… helps make life with mother a little bareable…So honestly having a caring family with different ideals is not a crime or such a terrible thing to have…Just pray and don’t lose hope, sooner or later GOD will guide you in the right direction…GOD bless.


#18

Hello, former self! I haven’t seen you in ten years!!!

It’s natural for an adolescent to fell rebellious and to fantasize about dramatic ways to exert his/her independence. Some adolescents go through this phase more strongly than others, but please realize that it’s a chemical/hormonal thing that you can choose to control, or you can let it control you.

Your options:

(a) Let your hormones and illogical urges get the best of you. Follow through on the dramatic fantasies. You’ll find that all it does is create unwanted drama in your life and make everyone around you think you’re stupid. Trust me, no one will be impressed. Depending on the level of stupidity you engage in (drugs, alcohol, driving while intoxicated, etc.), you may have lifelong consequences.

(b) Be stronger than your emotions and urges. In my 16-year-old brain, lashing out expressed: “This is who I am, and you [establishment, parents, authority figures] have NO control over me! Hahahahaha!” In my 26-year-old brain, lashing out is the equivalent of peeing my pants. It’s an urge. In the short term, it would feel SO GOOD to not have to hold it in for another 30 minutes of class! But the embarrassment and clean-up isn’t gonna be pretty, and it’ll take a long time to live it down.

You’re brimming with new emotions that you’ve never experienced before (and probably won’t experience again once the adolescent hormones die down.) Let it out in an appropriate way. Writing here is a GREAT START. I suggest you take these emotions a step further and articulate the things you are feeling and thinking. Based on your writing style in this post, you have the intellect and writing ability to convey your feelings in the written word. Why not harness these feelings and write a short story about a teenager who follows through on the urges you described and the events that follow? How about a poem/song about your mother’s idiosyncrasies? How about a “letter of complaint” to the big corporations/establishments that make you sick? How about a letter to God, regardless of where your faith is right now?

(Others have had some GREAT suggestions for re-finding your faith. My suggestions are more about getting control of yourself and not letting your emotions take control of you.)


#19

[quote="Augusta_Sans, post:18, topic:180656"]
Hello, former self! I haven't seen you in ten years!!!

It's natural for an adolescent to fell rebellious and to fantasize about dramatic ways to exert his/her independence. Some adolescents go through this phase more strongly than others, but please realize that it's a chemical/hormonal thing that you can choose to control, or you can let it control you.

Your options:

(a) Let your hormones and illogical urges get the best of you. Follow through on the dramatic fantasies. You'll find that all it does is create unwanted drama in your life and make everyone around you think you're stupid. Trust me, no one will be impressed. Depending on the level of stupidity you engage in (drugs, alcohol, driving while intoxicated, etc.), you may have lifelong consequences.

(b) Be stronger than your emotions and urges. In my 16-year-old brain, lashing out expressed: "This is who I am, and you [establishment, parents, authority figures] have NO control over me! Hahahahaha!" In my 26-year-old brain, lashing out is the equivalent of peeing my pants. It's an urge. In the short term, it would feel SO GOOD to not have to hold it in for another 30 minutes of class! But the embarrassment and clean-up isn't gonna be pretty, and it'll take a long time to live it down.

You're brimming with new emotions that you've never experienced before (and probably won't experience again once the adolescent hormones die down.) Let it out in an appropriate way. Writing here is a GREAT START. I suggest you take these emotions a step further and articulate the things you are feeling and thinking. Based on your writing style in this post, you have the intellect and writing ability to convey your feelings in the written word. Why not harness these feelings and write a short story about a teenager who follows through on the urges you described and the events that follow? How about a poem/song about your mother's idiosyncrasies? How about a "letter of complaint" to the big corporations/establishments that make you sick? How about a letter to God, regardless of where your faith is right now?

(Others have had some GREAT suggestions for re-finding your faith. My suggestions are more about getting control of yourself and not letting your emotions take control of you.)

[/quote]

Great advise!


#20

I would have told myself “Oh man are you in for a rude awakening! If you think life is hard now wait till you move out!” I kid you not!!!


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