I am nearly 17 and for the most part, I hate the people around me, especially those in a position of power above me. I am an anti-conformist in that way… Whenever I think of big business, it makes me sick… I don’t know if those details are really necessary, but I guess I’m trying to give you readers a glimpse of who I truly am.
A few months ago I realized just how much I don’t love my parents. In fact, they were gone from the house a little longer than usual, and the first thought that crossed my mind was “what if they’re dead in a ditch somewhere?” and my reaction to that thought was “My life would get better drastically.” I thought that because I’d inherit insurance money, 2 cars (one of which I’d sell and the other I would have all to myself) and my sister and I are old enough that she’d get emancipated and we’d share rent in an apartment. I’ve always wanted to live in an apartment. To me, quality of life increases as the quality of material possessions decreases.
Before I get to the point, I’ve started to use marijuana just because I can, and along with that I’ve had some alcohol (not a big fan). I don’t really care to do drugs beyond marijuana, mainly because marijuana is one of the safer ones and from what I’ve experienced, I don’t think I need to get any more high than marijuana can get me. Some might look in on my life and say that I’m using marijuana because of my lack of a loving relationship with anybody in my life, and I can’t say that is completely untrue, but that is something subconscious that I don’t actively control.
More to the point, I very much dislike my parents. If I’ve ever “hated” something in my life, my parents are probably it. Everything they do, say, and decide bugs the living hell out of me. My dad is completely moronic, ludicrous, and stubborn in his way of thinking. And my mother just goes with the flow, allows him to control her, and is completely lacking in self realization. (She is 110% against alcohol (yes I meant 110%) which is probably a big reason why I wanted to try it (anti-conformist)). I am a junior in high school and so I only have to wait another year and a half until I am rid of them, and I can go off to college and be my own person finally, but I feel like it is an injustice I even have to wait that long.
My point, What do you think? I’d like an outside opinion from an uninfluenced adult. Maybe you can tell me what you wish you would have known at my age, or what you believe I need to realize before I can be happy, or make good choices in my life. Tell me whatever you please, just try to be thoughtful, realistic, and inspiring. I plan on taking a little journey on my own. Get out of town, and just be one with the world. Any suggestions on what I should do on my journey? I would really like to put myself up to some kind of test, except I want it to be a test of who I am. I was thinking it’d be something like parking outside of a church where confession is being held, with my marijuana, and a pornographic magazine. I would do whatever I please in that moment, in whatever order I please, and afterwards I’d want to draw some kind of conclusion of who I am. I haven’t been to confession in at least 4 months, and I have a big issue with keeping my lust in check (hence the pornographic magazine. I don’t actually own one of these btw, I have only ever used the internet for such things. Been doing so for about 4-5 years now…).
Thank you for your time.