What's a daughter to do


… when It’s the second time i’ve found a packet of condoms after my parents went out shopping?

This is quite long, please bare with me. :slight_smile:

I’m 16 and I live and grow in a Catholic household, and i don’t mean that i’m indoctrinated, i’ve chosen to live my faith. I just do not know my parents are fully aware that artificial contraceptives are immoral. :confused:

Anyway, during the first time which was late last year, I wanted to find time to talk to my father about my concerns, although it would be very awkward. He is often busy and in constant travel. My family eats dinner together where we talk about almost anything, but it is inappropriate to bring it up. So I just pasted a little sticky saying something like, “To use this is sin” on the box.

I forgot about it then. Until last few weeks ago. There was a new box and I carefully removed its contents. I replaced it with information on Church’s stance on artificial contraceptives and sealed it as if its brand new. I hid the original contents some place else. Last two days ago he left for work and while I was cleaning the master bedroom, the packet where I had left box in the drawer is gone.

I don’t feel any remorse about it nor do I find it ‘extreme’, just like how I ripped my friend’s pornographic magazine when I was younger. I later found out that St. Dominic Savio did the same thing.

I honour and love my father very much, but I don’t know how to go about this… I want to communicate with him, or is it because I’m younger, It will give me a voice of authority over my father? I hope that’s not the case, obeying God comes before that. If I’m passive about the situation, I can only wonder what will happen.

I’m not here to debate, i’m here for advice when he comes back. Please do help.

THANK YOU in advance! :yup:


"What's a daughter to do"?

What you need to do is mind your own business. Your parents may well have a good reason for using condoms that is not related to contraception- especially if your mother has went through menopause. At age 16, you may not realize that some women are allergic to or have a severe reaction to their husband's "bodily fluids"- this can often worsen during perimenopause or after menopause. It is certainly not your place as a child to confront either one of them.


First and foremost, you’re invading your parents’ privacy by poking through their bedroom. You need to stop that now!

Secondly, whether or not they have a legitimate reason for using condoms, it is not your place as their child to reprimand them.

Thirdly, you are presuming to know that your father has committed a sin on circumstantial evidence. It is not your place to judge him.

Now, for what you can do:

First and foremost, pray for your parents.

Secondly, have a serious talk with them. I can’t imagine that it would be more awkward than removing the condoms and replacing them with a brochure. Be bold in your faith.

Thirdly, you need to allow them to make their own free choice. God does, and he loves them infinitely more than you do.

I’ll pray for you.


If you are looking for advice on what to do when your father gets back, I wouldn't do anything. He clearly does not want to have to answer to his child, who has no authority over him.

You might not want to have a conversation, but I think you are acting a bit immaturely, in addition to invading your parents' privacy. Your message has been sent, and they will choose to do what they want in their own bedroom. I am not saying that it's right, but it really is not your place at all to go through their things, especially in such a private area.

I understand that you are concerned for your parents. If you feel you must, then you could have a mature conversation with them. But I'm actually not even sure this is appropriate. It certainly is not appropriate to snoop around in his drawers. I second the advice to pray for them, but as their child there is really not anything else you can do.


Thank you for all your responds and your prayers.

I will certainly apologise for my actions. And time will tell.


Young girl I mean no disrespect. But what are you doing going thru your parents stuff (fathers). What your parents do behind close door should not be your concern. Pray for them.

God bless

jesus g


this is none of your business
stay out of their bedroom
why were you snooping in there in the first place?
how do you react when they snoop in your room (which they are allowed to do, they are the parents, you are not).
Children should not have this kind of knowledge of that aspect of their parents’ lives.


Are you for real? No remorse? Girl, you are very confused! See a priest and confess these actions as soon as possible, plus the sins of pride and voyeurism. You have broken the third commandment. Also, ask God to give you something to do besides searching your parents bedroom and posting on what is generally speaking, an adult forum. Certainly you can direct your energy in other directions, pro-life work, helping refugees, supporting authentically Catholic political candidates or other charitable work. What you are doing is seriously wrong on many levels. Restore things to the way they were before you invaded your parent's privacy at once and please stop trolling around on an adult forum. If you cannot get over this alone, find a Catholic youth minister, a motherly type of Catholic woman who is wise, or a good priest to meet with in a regular way. Get involved with a youth group or a new activity at school. You have too much time on your hands.

What you have done borders on obsessive. Please get the help you need and leave your parent's sexuality to them. It is not your place to be involved in this matter and will not only damage their faith, and weaken your relationship with God as well. God speaks very clearly about honoring your parents and you have violated that. And the fact that you are dwelling on your parents relationship indicates that you have some issues of your own about sexuality. Finally, after you put your actions and feelings in proper perspective, you need to have some sort of talk with your mother about this. There are many good Catholic books written for teens, I would recommend that you read them prayerfully with the expectation that the advice they contain might help you see things as they should be between you and your parents. Your family is in my prayers.


If you were snooping around in your father’s things, stop doing this. If you accidentally stumbled across the condoms your dad obviously needs to find a better place for them but it isn’t your place to tell him that. If you’re parents have taught you that contraception is wrong then your father already knows he has problems and pointing them out to him and shaming him won’t help. Sometimes parents know what the right thing to do is and desperately try to teach it to their children while they themselves fail in keeping the standards they set for their children. It is truly hard to live a moral life, forgive him and pray for him and since you don’t have any authority over him I wouldn’t ever bring it up again and try to put it out of your mind.


Why are you only talking to your father? I mean, it’s wrong to talk to EITHER of your parents on this one, but why you see your father as more culpable/responsible than your mother. :confused:

If you are going to honor and love your parents, respect them, as adults, it’s ok to TALK with them and share your ideas and concerns, but to take their things… well… that’s stealing… and disrespectful to your parents. :stuck_out_tongue:


Seems rather couragous to me.you seem wise and very grown up.And can.t think of any advice .I think you will find the wisdom on how to continue to act.


Per a conversation I had with a very dedicated priest:

There are situations where a Catholic couple can use a condom but only if the condom is perforated at the end before use so that the sperm can be released.

Some people have medical conditions such as vaginal sores or herpes or other skin sensitivites/reasons that it is okay to try and minimize skin-on-skin contact but still keep integrity to the marital act.

Since you don't know if this is the case or not I would stop what you are doing.


[quote="valentino, post:11, topic:238519"]
Seems rather couragous to me.you seem wise and very grown up.And can.t think of any advice .I think you will find the wisdom on how to continue to act.


There is nothing couragous about such passive-aggressive behavior, and you are wrong to encourage it. OP, stop snooping. In the event you happen upon such a thing, there's nothing wrong with inviting a discussion on the matter - but understand that your parents do not owe you that, they do not answer to you. You may ask, and they can choose to discuss it with you or not at their discretion.


I’m curious, if the contraceptive were something like the pill (an abortifacient) would you also condemn the snooping?


[quote="ChiRho, post:14, topic:238519"]
I'm curious, if the contraceptive were something like the pill (an abortifacient) would you also condemn the snooping?


I agree. While I think it is better that the OP talk to her parents, I don't think she should be condemned for what she is doing. Snooping is very disrespectful (especially when its on your parents), but I also believe she had did it with the best intentions in mind. At that age I didn't care much for my moral obligations as a Catholic so I think what she is doing is quite honorable.


[quote="valentino, post:11, topic:238519"]
Seems rather couragous to me.you seem wise and very grown up.And can.t think of any advice .I think you will find the wisdom on how to continue to act.


Nope... Sorry...

OP... if you are as mature as you think you are, then this is NOT an embarassing conversation. Sex is openly and maturally discussed by adults. (Ok well some joke around.) But the fact is if you were as mature and knowledgable as you think, then you'd be able to have an adult, compassionate, non judgemental conversation. And you'd be able to bring it up.

Do you think a priest would go snooping through your parents room, find things that are "sinful", and leave a note?

He would not snoop. If the action where brought to his attention, he would explain why it's wrong. He would not remove the contents from the home, and issue literature to read.

And finally, should you decide to have an open discussion with your parents, you also need to remember that FREE WILL is something granted by God. And not to be taken away by you...


This is so NOT your business!!! You are out of line. Period.


[quote="ChiRho, post:14, topic:238519"]
I'm curious, if the contraceptive were something like the pill (an abortifacient) would you also condemn the snooping?


Yes, because there are also medical reasons why a pill might be prescribed other than birth control. I don't believe it is particularly good medicine, but that is not the question.

No, a child should not be searching around in her parents' room. If her dad handed her a shopping bag and told her to put things away, she could very easily have said something right then. Sneaky notes, opening packages, brochures, etc. are not appropriate. This is not even a good way to get the attention of a peer, let alone her parents.

If you feel you must confront them, then find a quiet momenet and bring it up directly. After you've said your piece, then leave it alone. It is up to the Holy Spirit to convict them at that point.


[quote="ChiRho, post:14, topic:238519"]
I'm curious, if the contraceptive were something like the pill (an abortifacient) would you also condemn the snooping?


Yes. Snooping on your parents is wrong.

I am not going to break into your house and dig through your closets to make sure you don't have any bodies hidden in there.


This post makes me very sad. I am sad that you say you were supposedly “cleaning” inside your parents drawers (who cleans inside someone’s private drawers??), and that you admit to viewing their shopping items for items of immorality. It seems like you purposely did what you could to bring “shame” to them, but in a secret manner. That does not seem like a very nice thing to do.

I fear there is more to this story. You don’t mention your mother at all, as if she does not exist in this scenario, although she is absolutely a huge part of it. But you keep referring to your father and nothing about your mother, that does not seem like all is well. If I remember you indicated there is open communication in your family, but it certainly sounds like that is not the case at all.

As far as your actions, they seem extremely intrusive. There are specific things that are just not right. Everybody is entitled to privacy. My daughters have diaries and I would never dream of reading them. I would never put up cameras in their bedrooms or in the bathroom as well, especially with the attitude that I am double-checking their morality! I don’t see any difference in you going through your father’s drawers where he keeps condoms (something you should not even be aware of because they are his drawers and nothing you should ever have opened in the first place) from the reprehensible act of putting up cameras to “watch” someone. If you would find it intrusive for a camera to be installed in your bedroom or bathroom for “moral” reasons, then you might want to think about the act you are committing by going through your parents’ drawers in order to be knowledgeable about their “moral or immoral” sex life. Just as it is none of their business what you do privately in your bedroom and bathroom, it is none of your business what they do in their own.

You should really think about whether you have a right to dictate to your parents the morality or immorality with their sex life. But you are young and will hopefully understand how grave your behavior has been once you become a parent.

I hope you are able to work this out with your parents :frowning:

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