What's allowed?


#1

Can someone give me a link or tell me in details what is allowed in a relationship and what is not?
I’m in a relationship with a boy, whom I want to marry. We are both catholic and have lots of questions about intimacy and stuff…
I really need help, because I couldn’t find any specific sites, where they explain what is allowed in a relationship and what is not.:confused:

P.S. I know sex is not allowed! But I ment things like touching, kissing, talking about sex, etc.


#2

Hi,

Good for you for wanting to answer this question for yourself. It really will make your relationship with your bf so much better.

I’ve been dating a wonderful Catholic man for the last 2 years (and are close to engagement), and I can tell you what “rules” we go by. However, I’d highly suggest you read “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It will answer all those questions for you!

First, we don’t do passionate kissing, it just really isn’t a good idea to do that because it can lead to too much arousal or making out. We do kiss, but it is still a chaste (ie: closed mouth) kiss.

Second, we don’t do anything that might cause temptation such laying down together, spending the night in the same place (alone) together, watching any really drawn out love scenes in movies (shouldn’t do this anyways), etc.

So in regards to having questions about intimacy, I’d say it is fine to talk about some things…however specifics really should be saved for engagement and when you are closer to marriage (plus you can clarify with your spiritual counselor helping you to prepare for marriage). My bf and I have talked about some things such as NFP and morality of things in the act (like what is permissable and not).

I think reading the Christopher West book together might not be a bad idea. The chapter about Chastity in Marriage might get a little more explicit than you need to be now, but it would probably answer some of the questions you have.

Also, this link is also intended for marriage, but it could be something you could both read on your own and talk about more closer to your marriage. I think it has some good points even if it is a little more detailed: marysremnant.org/News/Archives/MaritalSexuality.html

I’m so glad to see someone else wants to remain chaste before marriage!!! God Bless you!!!


#3

Think of it like this: Your wedding night is like unwrapping wonderful gifts given to each other, and doing things prior is like peeking at gifts before your birthday or Christmas or whatever. The more things you save until that time, the more gifts you have to enjoy. If you have ever peeked at gifts before the appointed day, you know it kind of robs the special day. Lots of people regret not waiting (myself include); very few except the most embittered ideologues regret waiting.


#4

Go to www.pureloveclub.com and you will find the answers you are looking for.


#5

The other posters are correct and their advice is good. Keep in mind also that you want to marry this person right now. But there are many thousands of people in the world who dated, got engaged and had long relationships and for one reason or other it ended. A lot can happen in a few years. What if you don’t marry this person (as horrible as the thought may seem now, it’s a real possibility.) Anything you have done with this person is something you’d have to explain to the person you ended up marrying later. And any gift of self you give this person for the first time is one less gift you would be able to give someone else later.


#6

Good points. Not pleasant to think about but prudent:thumbsup:


#7

The book, “If You Really Loved Me” by Jason Evert of Catholic Answers is also great. I read it when my husband and I were engaged and it helped a lot.


#8

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