Others have expressed themselves on CAF and I haven’t always been understanding or charitable, but I have the same issues. Right now I either labor under a made up God and yoke of my own imagining, or just fed up with the lack of proof for religous phenomena. Either way I’m losing faith. I don’t see the point of self-denial and believe that a religion of pure reason would be agnostic.
Theology interests me and the theory of Christianity is great, but I just want to be rid of hangups and the things holding me back from a normal life. I didn’t grow up Catholic, I grew up non-affiliated Protestant, and in rejecting God the hippie I constructed my own personal idea of God the fascist.
I project my own fears into “God’s will” and imbue explainable natural happenings with supernatural import. My fears telegraphed as God’s will have held me back in life. I’ve thought about truck driving as a simple way to improve my income, but horror of horrors a life on the road might make it harder to attend Mass. The easiest way to fix all this is just to forget God.
Others have said I need to pray more (and they’re right), but I lack faith or contrition and need to make confession too. In my other confessions I’ve operated under the notion that contrition is an act of the will, because I don’t feel the emotion. I try to do better for a while, then give up. What’s the point?
And whgat’s going on with me?