between practicing true agape love and being a doormat?
Blessings on your day. I beleive the answer to your question can be vastly different depending on the history, circumstances and relationship of the individuals involved. I pray that you find peace and find guidance from the Holy Spirit. God bless.
Jesus Christ answered to that: "Be simple as a dove and wise as a snaked!!
Not easy thing to do, though!
One winter day St. Francis was coming to St. Mary of the Angels from Perugia with Brother Leo, and the bitter cold made them suffer keenly. St. Francis called to Brother Leo, who was walking a bit ahead of him, and he said: “Brother Leo, even if the Friars Minor in every country give a great example of holiness and integrity and good edification, nevertheless write down and note carefully that perfect joy is not in that.”
And when he had walked on a bit, St. Francis called him again, saying: “Brother Leo, even if a Friar Minor gives sight to the blind, heals the paralyzed, drives out devils, gives hearing back to the deaf, makes the lame walk, and restores speech to the dumb, and what is still more, brings back to life a man who has been dead four days, write that perfect joy is not in that.”
And going on a bit, St. Francis cried out again in a strong voice: “Brother Leo, if a Friar Minor knew all languages and all sciences and Scripture, if he also knew bow to prophesy and to reveal not only the future but also the secrets of the consciences and minds of others, write down and note carefully that perfect joy is not in that.”
And as they walked on, after a while St. Francis called again forcefully: 'Brother Leo, Little Lamb of God, even if a Friar minor could speak with the voice of an angel, and knew the courses of the stars and the powers of herbs, and knew all about the treasures in the earth, and if be knew the qualities of birds and fishes, animals, humans, roots, trees, rocks, and waters, write down and note carefully that true joy is not in that."
And going on a bit farther, St. Francis called again strongly: “Brother Leo, even if a Friar Minor could preach so well that be should convert all infidels to the faith of Christ, write that perfect joy is not there.”
Now when he had been talking this way for a distance of two miles, Brother Leo in great amazement asked him: “Father, I beg you in God’s name to tell me where perfect joy is.”
And St. Francis replied; "When we come to St. Mary of the Angels, soaked by the rain and frozen by the cold, all soiled with mud and suffering from hunger, and we ring at the gate of the Place and the brother porter comes and says angrily: ‘Who are you?’ And we say: ‘We are two of your brothers.’ And he contradicts us, saying: ‘You are not telling the truth. Rather you are two rascals who go around deceiving people and stealing what they give to the poor. Go away]’ And he does not open for us, but makes us stand outside in the snow and rain, cold and hungry, until night falls-then if we endure all those insults and cruel rebuffs patiently, without being troubled and without complaining, and if we reflect humbly and charitably that that porter really knows us and that God makes him speak against us, oh, Brother Leo, write that perfect joy is there!
'And if we continue to knock, and the porter comes out in anger, and drives us away with curses and hard blows like bothersome scoundrels, saying; ‘Get away from here, you dirty thieves-go to the hospital! Who do you think you are? You certainly won’t eat or sleep here’–and if we bear it patiently and take the insults with joy and love in our hearts, Oh, Brother Leo, write that that is perfect joy!
And if later, suffering intensely from hunger and the painful cold, with night falling, we still knock and call, and crying loudly beg them to open for us and let us come in for the love of God, and he grows still more angry and says: ‘Those fellows are bold and shameless ruffians. I’ll give them what they deserve.’ And he comes out with a knotty club, and grasping us by the cowl throws us onto the ground, rolling us in the mud and snow, and beats us with that club so much that he covers our bodies with wounds–if we endure all those evils and insults and blows with joy and patience, reflecting that we must accept and bear the sufferings of the Blessed Christ patiently for love of Him, oh, Brother Leo, write: that is perfect joy!
'And now hear the conclusion, Brother Leo. Above all the graces and gifts of the Holy Spirit which Christ gives to His friends is that of conquering oneself and willingly enduring sufferings, insults, humiliations, and hardships for the love of Christ. For we cannot glory in all those other marvelous gifts of God, as they are not ours but God’s, as the Apostle says: ‘What have you that you have not received?’ But we can glory in the cross of tribulations and afflictions, because that is ours, and so the Apostle says: ‘I will not glory save in the Cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ.’"
To whom be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
Wow, thank you for that!
I always think that love between spouses is like tha of a king and a queen. A king can serve the queen all day long, but by virtue of being a king, he still inspires so much love, admiration and devotion that he cannot become a doormat.
So what does it take to be the king of your household? Just as Christ, who standing silent and scourged in frontof Pilate still instilled reverence and holy fear- otherwise Pilate wouldn’t havd had to “wash his hands” of his crime, how can you love and serve while remaining true to the dignity of your manhood, fatherhood and “husbandhood”?
All I have to say is that you are asking all the right questions! May the Resurrected Christ bring much peace, joy and renewal to your family this Easter.
P.s. It’s ok to feel like a doormat SOME days, but it should be the exception, not the norm.
I just happened to come across this passage in the diary of St. Faustina. These are His direct words to her, from paragraph 1701
… ** I was your Teacher, I am and I will be; strive to make your heart like unto my humble and gentle Heart. Never claim your rights. Bear with great calm and patience everything that befalls you.
Do not defend yourself when you are put to shame, though innocent. Let others triumph. Do not stop being good when you notice that your goodness is being abused. **…
Was this just meant for her, a cloistered nun? Or was he speaking to all of us as well? I can say I certainly don’t practice this, although I underlined this paragraph when I read this diary a few years ago. When I read the lives and writings of the saints, they always seem to face persecutions they don’t deserve. And they always seem to accept those persecutions, no matter how untrue the accusations against them are, or how undeserving they are of the negative, hateful treatment they receive.
Before the archpriest, Our Lord was struck by a servant for not addressing the archpriest in a reverent way (not insulting to the archpriest but definitely not apologetic or awestruck by the archpriest's power). He did not strike back but neither did He say anything like, "Brother, thank you for this blow." He told that servant to either prove that was He said was wrong or else say why he was striking Him.