I am wondering what is the point in trying to understand or pursue more knowledge of the church when it has been repeatedly stated that it is not okay to call yourself Catholic unless you are in complete agreement with the church on absolutely everything. No amount of going to mass, confession, or anything else will count if you do not agree one hundred and ten percent.
I feel completely lost and have stopped going to church because it will all be pointless in the end anyway. There is no point to any of it. We are all going to die and where we end up nobody can truly say because we do not know the mind of God. Has anybody spoken directly to God lately? I am not trying to be disrespectful I am just curious as to how you “know” so many things beyond any and all doubt. Yes, I realize that many of you have a very strong faith and don’t need to speak directly to God. I need explanations that make sense to a complete and utter idiot, dummy, heathen.
I have seen the requirements for mortal sin listed on CAF, the Catechism, and elsewhere repeatedly but I still wonder how one can know for certain that one has committed a mortal sin. While in RCIA, the priest made it very clear that we are not to join a church or follow anything because we are coerced to do so. We must make our choices based on undertanding and do it of our own free will. We must constantly work to form our consciences. Somebody running around telling us that we are going to hell because we disagree seems a bit coercive to me. I do not want to follow any religion that is going to run around threatening me with eternal damnation if I don’t accept and follow every little thing they say. I want to follow out of love and true understanding, not out of fear.
If we truly do not understand a specific teaching and continue to read and pray about it, yet still do not come to the same conclusion as the church does that mean that I am a horrible person that is not worthy of the church? This is what I have been led to feel and believe from reading these forums. Yes, I am immature in my faith. Yes, I do not completely understand the authority of the Pope and other church leaders. I was not born and raised with that kind of mentality. I was raised to question things and do my homework so that I am not duped by some well meaning person or group that is misguided.
I completed RCIA and joined the church with what I thought was a good understanding. I have since come to the conclusion that my understanding is completely wrong and there is no room for questioning or disagreement. Now, I have to wonder what is the point of calling myself Catholic or even pursuing it any further. It will never be enough.