I want to be with Christ, I really do. But I’m having a lot of trouble. I need to go to confession because It’s been a while since I’ve had Eucharist. I’m reading the Bible and praying but I still fell separated from Him. I try to pray or to read the Bible, or other spiritual articles but I have bad thoughts that distance me from him. For example I read an article that quoted Jesus saying he is the Son. I read on about the gentiles who did not believe him. Then a thought in my head said ‘_ _ _ _ _ was just some crazy old man with delusions.’ I was immediately shamed of the thought. This problem comes in waves. I will have thoughts like ‘_ _ _ _ _ is not the Lord.’ Etc. It hurts me but I can’t stop these thoughts. I also feel farther from God when these things happen. I don’t know how to explain it. The best way I can put it is that I feel a warm ‘light’ inside my right rib. When I rejoice in God’s glory, or sing songs like ‘Awesome God’ or read the Bible (without these thoughts) or when I tell my niece “God loves you, never forget”. I know He loves me too, and it is hurting our relationship. What do I do? These thoughts mingle with my guilt and I feel like my relationship with Him is under constant assault. I’ve even had a thought how I wish I could have been born in Jesus’ time so that I could get to know him.
Sometimes we go through times where we just are not sure what to make of God and what our relationship to Him should be.
From what you’ve written, it seems like you’re experiencing troubles with faith and belief.
Maybe try praying the Apostles’ Creed slowly and meditating on each article and reflecting upon it. Also try to memorize the Act of Faith and recite it piously several times a day.
Lastly, there is nothing wrong with simply asking God to make His presence known to you with a simple but powerful “Lord, increase the Theological Virtue of Faith in me,” as a prayer.
Hope that helps!
Wow, you sound like me. I go through this frequently and I Know it is because Satan is alive and determined to keep us away from God. He uses fear, and fills our minds with questions that make us wonder if God really exists. Believe me, the only defense we have against the devil is prayer. Mother Theresa had times in her life that she felt alone. That God had abandoned her; but she persevered in her desire to do God’s will. I suggest you go to confession and tell the priest how you feel. He may give you great advice. Then you can receive the Eucharist which will REALLY help your faith. Get involved with a group of friends and do a Bible study, it really helps when 2 or more get together, study the word and talk about our faith.
When I was a child I had many questioning thoughts that immediately I apologized to God for and again during bedtime prayers. Later I decided I would be forgiven for researching my questions outside the Church if I were doing it to stop sinning. I found my answers and am no longer tormented with that “light” in my chest. This is my advice. Also, putting things into perspective, loving Him and following the Golden Rule are the most important things needed to please Jesus. If you are praying then I believe that not receiving the Eucharist is a very minor sin.
I also periodically have thoughts like these. I don’t consider it a sin or anything, because I don’t entertain the thoughts, but I think of them as a cross to bear, like a temptation from Satan, as someone previously said. I pray for the virtue of faith every day. Prayer is the only way to go!
I recommend that you read some apologetics. C.S. Lewis would be a good starting place. You could read “Mere Christianity” and see if that doesn’t help some of your questions. Lewis is very clear and understandable to people of all ages and stages. Once you have read some of C.S. Lewis’ books, then you can read other apologetics.
You can get to know Jesus through his Holy Word, the Bible, and through His Body and Blood. Go to confession as soon as possible so that you can receive. Go to adoration too, as often as you can. Pray the rosary.
The only thing “wrong” with you is that you are like everyone else, pretty much. Remember Jesus is with you regardless of what you feel. Go to Reconciliation, don’t put it off at all. Take a deep breath and go. Jesus wants you just the way you are right now.
[FONT=“Arial Black”]Remember, unless you are completely giving into these thoughts of doubts, you have not commited mortal sin. and also remember, Feelings come and go but God is forever, just because you dont “feel” God is close, doesnt mean He isnt, infact when you feel He is far away, He is often closer then you think./FONT]
get to confession and return to regular reception of the sacraments, as you can have little or no spiritual progress without these.
Get to confession and begin receiving the Eucharist again. I’ve also found that going to Eucharistic adoration during times like these is really incredible.