Whats wrong with me?


#1

Ive been dating this really great guy for about 7 months.

He’s great! He doesn’t smoke, do drugs, isnt in a gang, is friendly, respects me- just about everything a Catholic girl wants. Sort of. Thing is- he belongs to the Jehovah’s Witness religion. And altough he’s never tried shoving his beliefs down my throat (Though his family once invited me to their Sunday “meeting”, which I accepted not wanting to be rude, but now regret, but thats a different story) Im just not comfortable konwing that my boyfriend belongs to that cult. I guess its kind of because I promised myself I wouldnt date anyone outside Christ’s Chuch.

Ive never tried converting him and I dont intend to becuse I find missionary dating rather stupid.

Anyways, I dont know what to do. He said he’d convert for me, but Im not sure he meant it. Ive thought about taking a small break from eachother to clear my thoughts, but I dont know if it will just be a waste of time.

This is really bothering me. I really dont want to break up with him, because everything else is goin perfect but I also want a boyfriend who is from my religion. God should be the center of our relationship, but we can’t even talk about Him without arguing.

What should I do?
Im so lost.

Thanks.
God Bless


#2

So you’re disappointed in yourself for breaking this promise - that’s perfectly understandable.

I’ve never tried converting him and I dont intend to becuse I find missionary dating rather stupid.

That’s very wise! :slight_smile:

Anyways, I dont know what to do. He said he’d convert for me, but I’m not sure he meant it. I’ve thought about taking a small break from eachother to clear my thoughts, but I dont know if it will just be a waste of time.

Is he interesting in joining an RCIA Inquiry group? Would his religion allow him to do that, even if he was just going there to gather information about the Church?

This is really bothering me. I really dont want to break up with him, because everything else is going perfect but I also want a boyfriend who is from my religion. God should be the center of our relationship, but we can’t even talk about Him without arguing.

What should I do?
Im so lost.

Thanks.
God Bless

I don’t know what you should do - he sounds like a wonderful guy, but it would be a terrible burden for you if you were to marry him, since Jehovah’s Witnesses are not even allowed to celebrate Christmas or birthdays - think of your poor children! I think you need to pray really hard about this, and ask Jesus to show you how you can have a wonderful boyfriend who will become a good Catholic husband to you, and a faithful teacher and father to your children.


#3

Oh my God!!! If he said he’d convert for you, take him to Mass!!! Or to do it in an easier and more subtle way, talk to him about taking RCIA classes. He seems interested enough in you and if he’s willing to convert, honey, he is a keeper! Wheeewww… sorry, I got a little excited there for a moment. Let me tell you I went through the same thing as you did, of all Mexicans in the world, I found one who wasn’t Catholic, worse of all, he’s a JW. He was the PERFECT guy, such a nice guy, well mannered, a gentleman, no drugs, I found nothing wrong with him, but he ended up being a JW. I married him even though he’s a JW, but let me tell you that it’s HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.

If your guy said he’d convert, and you didn’t ask him to, then he must really be happy with you. Try to show him what being Catholic is. I know you don’t want to do the “missionary dating” thing as you called it, but if he’s willing to do it, so be it!

Otherwise, you will end up nowhere, or just having many headaches because of the difference in religions. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 9 months, but it’s hard.

If you don’t intend to go anywhere in this relationship, I’d recommend not to get to attached to this guy, but if you are, try it, see if he’d convert. JWs are of simple minds, they are simple people, however they are heavily indoctrinated and are a bit blind to the real world.

I don’t know how much you know about the JWs, but let me tell you that they refuse blood transfusions, bone marrow transplants, various treatments that’d save their lives, they are NOT allowed to divorce, the man is the one who makes ALL the decisions (it’s a male dominated religion), they do believe in contraception but not in abortion (a little contradictory), they believe we worship statues, they bash Catholicism non-stop, they don’t celebrate bdays, nor xmas, nor any holiday whatsoever, they have a lame excuse for anything done outside of their religion (they think everything outside of their faith is pagan and mundane), they go to their meetings 3 times a wk for a total of 5 hrs a wk, they preach as little as 16 hrs to whatever their time allows, they will put their religion before you NO MATTER WHAT!!!, they get disfellowshipped (kind of being excommunicated) but the JWs won’t speak to them, they completely shun them, they lose “privileges”, they have to confess to a group of 3 elders, they will announce it to the congregation if they get disfellowshipped, and sometimes they tell you the reason why, etc…

I just want you to really think about it, but if he said he’d convert, than it’s a good thing. Just make sure he does. If you argue when you talk about God, it’s because they are taught to do it. My husband and I do it all the time, even w/o wanting to, so we have tried not to talk about God at all (which is really sad for me). If he brings up anything about God, be careful because he has been trained to defend his religion over anything.

Sure, they are good and honest people, but they literally HATE the Catholic religion. They argue otherwise, but if you take a look at their literature, all of it contains something that bashes the Church.

I hope I didn’t confuse you, I hope I helped a bit. Just remember that if you have the chance of him becoming Catholic, it’s a great thing for you!


#4

Well, although he did say that he would convert for me, Im not sure (again) if he really meant it.

He’s still going to their bible studies and Sunday meetings often. Im kind of worried he’ll get brainwashed.

oh- and thanks for the help everyone :slight_smile:


#5

I’m sorry to say this, but he’s already been brainwashed, he’s a JW, they are all brainwashed.

Regarding him converting, have you tried anything to see if he meant it? It’s going to be hard for him if he were to leave the JWs, so he’d be attending their meetings. Just remember that if he were to leave the falsetower, he’d be considered an apostate and he’d be shunned. This may be a reason for him to fear leaving the JWs. His family won’t talk to him, his friends won’t talk to him… see why it’d be hard for him to leave? He’d lose everyone and just about everything he knows…

Try to talk to him about that, see if he meant it, if he did talk to him about RCIA…


#6

Nothing is wrong with you. :smiley:

Love your boyfriend as a fellow child of God, and spend some serious time before the Blessed Sacrement. :bowdown: Jesus will help guide you and give you some answers and Peace.

Pax Christi
Bob


#7

If your boyfriend said he would convert for you, there is the concern that he would not be doing it because he believed in Catholicism, but because he wants to keep you as his girlfriend. That would not be sincere. No one should become a Catholic unless they accept unequivocally everything the Church teaches.

And, I believe you said when the topic of religion comes up it causes tension?

I would definitely follow the advice of the poster who suggested you spend some serious time before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.

It is a very difficult thing to be married to someone who believes in a religion that is opposed to Catholicism. Everything may seem so nice now – but a lifetime together with opposing beliefs, and then children – can be very unhappy.


#8

You answered your own question right there.

Everything else (which appears perfect) should not be the center of your relationship with a man.

God should.

God isn’t in this relationship with this man.

Do not delude yourself into believing anything is perfect since there can be no perfection if God is not the center of this foundation you are supposedly building.

It is time to move on.

Trust in the Lord. If marriage is your calling God will have your ‘real’ perfect mate cross paths with you. For all you know you’ve already missed him on more than one occasion having been distracted by this seemingly ‘perfect’ boyfriend of yours.

Have trust, faith and patience. All will be well.


#9

Get a copy of Dr.Laura’s “10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives” from your local library.


I agree with Yin Yang Mom…perfection cannot exisit outside of God. Do not let those “other” things cloud your judgement.


Pray about this and ask God to show you what to do…and then be willing to do it.


malia


#10

#11

Ive thought about your suggestions, but Im still so confused :frowning:

I really want God in this relationship, but I dont know - maybe I should just give it more time, break up, or just stop dating. Anyone notice Im only 16? Maybe Im too young to date, and should focus more on God than on guys.

Still- in spite of his religious beliefs, this guy is pretty great. and other than the fact that God doesn’t play any role in our relationship, everything else is going well.

Please pray for me, Im so lost!
God bless


#12

Dear Uknow,
I think 16 is too young to date, except to go out with friends in a group, for example to a movie.
The younger you start, the sooner you start to feel the pressures of the world to engage in things you may be sorry for later.
You could stay friends with this boy, and talk to him about God and why you like being Catholic. Maybe you can open up his mind so that some day he considers becoming Catholic.
But don’t tie yourself down to him, go steady or become engaged – you’re at the age when you should be getting to know all kinds of people, not as dates but as friends. So that when you start to date, you’ll recognize the losers from the good guys.
That’s really important, because it’s so easy to make a mistake.
God bless.


#13

Yes, right now you need to be going out with groups of friends - several boys and girls all going out bowling (or whatever the “in” big-group game for teens is these days), or to see a movie, or go dancing, or go out for pizza, or ice cream, or whatever - all of you together, instead of just going out with one boy.

Sixteen is a good age to start thinking about these things, but it’s really still a bit too young to actually be dating one person exclusively, or thinking of marriage - give it a couple of years, and ease into it gradually - only go with boys who share the same values as you, in any case, and usually that means being of the same religion, and probably from the same neighborhood, as well.


#14

Your last statement says it all “…other than the fact that God doesn’t play any role in our relationship, everything else is going well.”

Please believe me, that is the most important part of a relationship. Some things may seem nice and admirable right now, but in the long run it truly takes three to get married and have a lifetime of blessings. The Lord, you, and your spouse, with Him being the first.


#15

JW’s do not believe in blood tranfusions. If you ever need one, or God forbid, if one of your kids need one, that’s when you’ll see that this religion is just not compatible with ours.

If you are only sixteen you still have obligations to meet in your own life (career and college) so try not to tie yourself down to someone right now.
Your wisdom is telling you to take a break. Maybe it won’t work out, but it’s worth a try.


#16

Please do NOT go to any more of their “meetings” at the Kingdom Hall. JW’s are a cult & they will “love bomb” you like you wouldn’t believe.

I was once 16 and in love with a REALLY REALLY great guy. He too was perfect in every single way but he was also a JW, from a HUGE JW family. He didn’t really care if I became a JW, but ohmygosh, his family sure did. They worked on me like I can’t even tell you and I fell for it. Don’t underestimate how convincing these people are. I cannot stress that enough. Given enough time, they won’t “make” you become a JW, they’ll convince you it’s what YOU want to do. :frowning: I gave several years to that false religion - years I’ll never get back and it’s taken me literally YEARS to clear my head of everything they taught me.

I’d like to tell you to RUN in the other direction… but I’m not sure you’ll listen because I don’t know that I would’ve listened at 16. You better believe I’m going to pray for you like crazy though starting now:

Heavenly Father, I ask that you PLEASE protect Uknowwhoo from the Jevhovah’s Witnesses. Please Lord, help to see how wrong they are about their beliefs so that she’ll not fall prey to their convincing arguments. Satan often twists your words Lord … please help her to see that’s just what they do. You know this young man’s heart Lord and if he isn’t sincere about leaving the JW faith, I pray that their relationship will end. Please give her the faith to trust YOU in all things.

I pray this through your Son & our dear Savior Jesus Christ.


#17

Hi everyone

Well, my boyfriend and I had a long talk -not arguement- about this situation and we both agree that we want God in this relationship. Its gonna be very hard, but were hoping God blesses us with a great relationship.

Now the question is:
How should we involve God in our relationship without getting into eachother’s way?


#18

I know you are young. But do think to the future. What happens when children are born? Someone metion blood transfusions, if your future husband had to choose for you during an emergency would he really respect your wishes or following his teachings?
I grew up in the Bible Belt so I knew very few Catholic boys. I did find my wonderful Catholic husband and very happily married. My sister married a Baptist boy who showed no interest in his Religion until age 28 when they started having kids, all of a sudden, the he broke the promise to raise the children Catholic. To make a long story short. My sister is now divorce.


#19

I feel so bad for the young woman who initiated this post. I’m afraid “comfort” is not exactly what I’m going to be able to offer, but here goes.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are always required to proselytize, and it is inconceivable that one would be married to a person of another faith and not be under constant pressure to convert her, up to the point perhaps of being faced with excommunication if he continued to consort with his “apostate” wife.

The world is filled with people who convert more or less for convenience. Very often, they convince themselves that they have done the right thing morally and spiritually as well, as a justification for their conversion which was actually motivated by something else. I could go back as far as Catherine the Great or cite as recent an example of Queen Noor of Jordan. Within my own family, I have a cousin who converted to the Witnesses when she got married. No problem for her. I hate to say this, but in contrast to the ladies I just mentioned, there are people of insuffiicent intellect or education to care what they believe.

If I may offer a thought, and it is a bit presumptuous considering that I do not know you, there are good men in the world for whom you would not have to make this compromise. If you can’t find a loyal Cathlolic per se, marriages between Catholics and mainstream Protestants or even Catholics and Jews have been known to work out. But not a pseudo-Christian sect like the Witnesses or the Mormons or the Christian Scientists. No, don’t pay attention only to me by any means, but avoid those at all costs.


#20

Does he believe in the JW religion? You mentioned that he goes to meetings - yet he offered to convert for you so I’m a bit confused as to how dedicated he is?

If he believes in the JW faith, it will be almost impossible to involve God in your relationship because the JW beliefs about God & just about everything else are so different from our beliefs. A couple of examples:

God:

Us: The Father, the Son, The Holy Spirit = The Holy Trinity whom we worship.

Them: Jehovah is God, Jesus is an angel, and sometimes called “a god” but not THE God (hey, I know that makes no sense, I didn’t make it up, they did :wink: ) The Holy Spirit is not God at all, but rather, something like electricity. They “take in knowledge” about Jehovah but do not “worship” Him.

God’s Nature:

Us: Loving, merciful, forgiving

Them: Angry, waiting to pour out His WRATH on all who aren’t JW’s, holds grudges for a loooooooooooong time (which is why repentant people remain disfellowshipped… JW’s believe Jehovah hasn’t forgiven them yet.

Authority:

Us: 2,000+ years of Sacred Scripture, Tradition, and the Magisterium

Them: Their own Bible, rewritten to fit their beliefs, A group of men who live in NY who have no theological training besides what they’ve been taught by the JW’s based on the very strange beliefs of Charles T. Russell. He was a guy the 1800’s who believed he was God’s “chosen prophet” despite the fact that NOTHING he prophecized came true - Not one thing.

Eucharist:

Us: Most important part of our faith - truly Jesus whom we could receive every day. What a blessing!

Them: Only for those going to heaven (144,000) which will NOT be you - and only once per year. NOT important at all.

Heaven:

Us: Jesus opened the doors to heaven by His death & ressurection. It is our hope.

Them: Only 144,000 seats available, all of which are taken already.

Blood Transfusions:

Us: Life saving.

Them: Evil.

Holidays:

Us: Celebrations centered around Jesus

Them: Evil. All of them a :tsktsk:

So you see Uknowwho, there is NO Common ground. If he is a faithful JW, he isn’t allowed to even listen to you pray. It would stop when you made the sign of the cross. I don’t know how you could put God in your relationship - I really don’t. If you were dating a Methodist, Lutheran… whatever, the two of you would agree on about 90% of your beliefs. You and the JW boy would agree on ZERO. Nothing. I’ve been a part of both faiths (now Catholic) there is nothing at all in common.


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