When a friend's attitude makes you crazy


Ok, some of you may remember a while back I posted about an old school friend a reconnected with. She had had an abortion in college and ended coming to Mass and confession with me-anyway…

She is in a very bad place financially. Her house is being foreclosed on, she is unemployed even though she has a lot of college education, and on state assistance. At first I felt really sorry for her. But the more she talks about things I realize this is a mess of her own making.

She’s gone on numerous interviews for a job in her field and has actually turned job offers for a variety of reasons. She continues to take college class to get more student loans that she lives off of and over $100,000 in debt on her loans. Now she is angry because they won’t give her anymore loans and she took two incompletes in her last classes.

She was injured at a job several years ago and her first settlement check she blew through mostly on new furniture even though she is unemployed. She was on short term disabilty for a while but that’s long gone now. When we first reconnected she had three dogs now six months later she has five. Not to mention two of the first three have major health problems and require medication.

She is generous to people when she can’t afford it. She is out of food stamps for the month because she “was nice and bought a friend some food”. She’s always buying stuff to give to other people but she can’t afford to pay her own bills. She does go out of her way to help people which is a good thing but she also spends money she doesn’t have.

She spent money (and was given some by her mother) to go out of state to a job fair and returned depressed because she didn’t get one. Well she could have if she had applied at other counties but she didn’t want a job in those counties she says.

I don’t even try to talking to her about these things because I’ve listened to long vents about certain family members and friends “don’t understand” and “think she’s making excuses and living off the system”.

Right now she is completely broke and doesn’t even have food stamps. She is waiting on her last settlement check and I’m afraid she’s going to blow through that too. She’s supposed to use it to move out of state “because the Michigan economy is bad and that’s why she can’t get a job”. I don’t know where she thinks she’s going to live with all her animals -she has to get an apartment, she can’t get a house because her credit is ruined. Besides the foreclosure she’s already been through bankruptsy once.

She has a sweet personality. I just don’t understand how a person can live this way. I mean we’re in our mid thirties -we’re not kids. I would getting a job anyway even at Burger King if I had to. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night not having any source of income and I certainly would be scared to spend a dime of any money I had unless it was absolutely necessary.

How does a person end up this way?:confused:


How does a person end up this way? By choice.

I’d cut contact with her if I were you, at best she is toxic and at worst mentally unstable.


Well, she’s probably moving out of state. She has to move somewhere because the bank is taking her house. She comes to Mass with us frequently and really likes our priest for confession. I don’t give her any money, once in a while I buy lunch or something so she’s not harming me in anyway. She likes being with my family -I think she’s lonely.

She does see a pyschologist everyonce in a while when she can afford it and she is on medication for anxiety. Maybe she’s just afraid to get a job, I don’t know. I often think she has some kind of psychological problem.

I just keep thinking she’s moving away in a little while, and then we’ll probably just have email contact. I guess I was just venting. It just blows me away how her life has turned out. How does one dig themselves out of such a mess?


I would call the spca to an unbiased welfare check on the animals, they might help her by confiscating them. It’ll be hard but sometimes a person has to take that road for the welfare of the animals. How is she able to provide food for them? She maybe putting herself in some danger by having a hungry animal with her.


It seems to me she needs to be, literally, slapped a few times so that she can snap out of it. She needs to get her act together. You can’t make her and I don’t think anyone can. So, I would suggest to keep yourself away from her.


She takes very good care of her dogs -she’ll buy them dog food over her anxiety meds, she gets the vet to give her discounts and also there some organization she found on line that helps low income people with animals.


Pray for her, she sounds suicial.
Or manic depressive, ( she doesn’t think she deserves anything so she does stuff that is self defeating) My mother is that way, gets really mad if I try to do more for her than she does for me.
Too much pride; what does the bible say about too much pride? Something about destruction?
She feels not good enough to have a nice house so she does stuff to defeat her prupose od having one thus give everything away.
Not my Mom because my dad controls her behavior because she can’t reason it out herself.

She can’t dig herself out but she has you to pray for her. Just keep praying for her and take her to confession and mass :thumbsup:



She goes to church with us. She has been away from the faith for years and just recently returned. I don’t want to be responsible for pushing her away from that.


have you discussed the situation with the priest?


No that is abuse and doesn’t solve anything, taking her to church is the best idea, and she more than likely won’t harm her but will herself if you can’t reason with her, maybe one day the priest will be able to contact the part of her that is disconnected from reallity maybe even for a moment, and bring her back.:slight_smile: I pray:)


Should I? I wasn’t sure if it my place to do that?


Priests are not suppose to discuss things but mine did hear my moms confession and my mom hadn’t been for years, but I thought she had. I just thanked him and he just nodded but couldn’t say a thing but it did make him realize I was concerned about her so we comminicated without communicating? If that makes any sense.
Now I still take her because she is so confused these days and she will do what he says, It has taken about a year for her to start having confidence in her own self and knowing the truth from unreallity so I can see that she is better at making descions on her own now and not so dependant on others.
She should praise her friend when she makes good descions and not critize the wrong, in fact I took her today.
She went a year ago and just recently told me that she thought that the priest was right about what he said a year ago, ayear?
She had lost trust in priests and now she is gaining it back but be prepared it will take a long time and keep taking her.
I don’t dwell too much anymor into why this happened as I did before like whose fault it is but just look to towards Jesus help and the one day at a time concept and we are closer, but I also agree be cautious because the old saying misery likes company is true>


I know, it was a bit harsh for me to say that and I apologize for it. I did not mean it, really, but she really needs something that can shake her up to wake up to reality. Something that will make her realize that life is precious and that she can’t just waste it like that. Something that can make her understand that everyone has conflicts in life. Something that makes her realize, more than anything, that there are people out there who live worst situations and still manage to stay up on their feet.

I hope this something comes to her life soon, before its too late. :frowning:

It seems that not even she knows what can make her react positively…


Either you distance yourself from her or you bring in more troops. Right now the situation is not healthy for either of you. Am not sure if distancing yourself is the catholic thing to do, but it may be the smart thing. It sounds like she is drowning in her life and needs a life preserver.

She has mental problems, or else she would not be seeing a shrink. This is actually a good step on her part, many cases of mental illness are treatable. A priest who has training in dealing with people’s problems may help her greatly and it would be affordable.

You gotta examine the options and decide which road would be best for you and your family.


I just realized that she might simply be lacking love.

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