When do you turn into a "grown up"?


#1

Hi there.

So I am 31, married to a wonderful man and mommy to two kiddos.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I feel like we don’t have “it” together.

I manage my home by feeding, dressing and doing chores like other people. I make homemade meals and teach my children about respect and our faith. But something is lacking.

I know this sounds vague and I apologize, if I could be more clear I would.

Does anyone else struggle with this?


#2

[quote=LynnieLew]Hi there.

So I am 31, married to a wonderful man and mommy to two kiddos.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I feel like we don’t have “it” together.

I manage my home by feeding, dressing and doing chores like other people. I make homemade meals and teach my children about respect and our faith. But something is lacking.

I know this sounds vague and I apologize, if I could be more clear I would.

Does anyone else struggle with this?
[/quote]

Perhaps you are trying to hard to be perfect. The fact that you manage to feed, dress and do your chores on top of raising children with respect and faith shows maturity.

I have four kids and have been married for nearly 18 years, I still haven’t gotten the hang of juggling all the different requirements of mommyhood. So don’t worry. I am sure that you are doing a brilliant job.

As far as the question about turning into a grown up…it depends on the person. If you are taking responsibility for yourself and your children, then you are a grown up.


#3

[quote=LynnieLew]Hi there.

So I am 31, married to a wonderful man and mommy to two kiddos.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I feel like we don’t have “it” together.

I manage my home by feeding, dressing and doing chores like other people. I make homemade meals and teach my children about respect and our faith. But something is lacking.

I know this sounds vague and I apologize, if I could be more clear I would.

Does anyone else struggle with this?
[/quote]

If you had said you were 30, I would have thought that I had posted this. I feel this way all the time. Everybody else seems to have it together. Sometimes, I struggle just to get up in the morning. I don’t really have any advice but just wanted to offer you some comfort that you are not the only one who feels this way. I don’t think I will ever feel like a ‘grown up’.

Peace,
CC


#4

[quote=LynnieLew]Hi there.

So I am 31, married to a wonderful man and mommy to two kiddos.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I feel like we don’t have “it” together.

I manage my home by feeding, dressing and doing chores like other people. I make homemade meals and teach my children about respect and our faith. But something is lacking.

I know this sounds vague and I apologize, if I could be more clear I would.

Does anyone else struggle with this?
[/quote]

I’m 33 myself and have always felt this way. I always thought as a kid by the time you were 25 you knew “everything”.:smiley: That you were so grown up and mature. Well 25 has came and went and I haven’t got there yet. I wouldn’t say I feel something is lacking, although sometimes I feel somewhat intimidated when in a group of those whom seem to be more “grown up”.

My time management and prioritizing skills are considerably lacking (or maybe not I guess depending on what you value.) I will leave dishes in the sink, and laundry in a pile to play a board game with my family or drop my house cleaning to meet a friend for lunch. Which explains why my house is untidy most of the time. The clothes or dishes will always be there but the people to spend time with may not. And the beds doen’t get made unless we’re having company. (I mean they’ll just get messed up again.:stuck_out_tongue: )

We live very simply, we don’t have stocks or mutual funds. We’re lucky to keep a decent savings account. We probably could have more if my husband took a second job but I married my hubby to be* with* him. So we’ll be scraping by most of time but we have so much fun as a family, and we really enjoy the people in our lives. So lacking? I wouldn’t say that -except maybe financially;) .


#5

Stop comparing yourself to other people.

You REALLY have NO IDEA what REALLY goes on in other families when there are no guests around.

You have no idea how much of their “nice” possessions are actually paid for. Versus being in hock to everyone.

You all have made some decisions with respect to raising your family that favor being with them and teaching them by example. Would that more people decided that way instead of raising their children as “latch-key” children.

You can’t do everything.

And with respect to not having floors that you can eat off of: nobody that I know eats off the floor.

Relax. Enjoy your children and your husband. Sounds like they love having you as their mom and wife.


#6

I am 22 and I would not consider myself “grown up.” In fact, my Dad is a bigger kid than I am. That’s why my Mom calls him her fourth kid.


#7

I am male. Biology says I must grow older. But nothing can make me grow up. :stuck_out_tongue:

tee


#8

Dear LynnieLew,

Based on what I’ve read of your posts, you always come across as being an admirable, mature person to me! :slight_smile: :cool: :thumbsup:

~~ the phoenix


#9

[quote=LynnieLew]Hi there.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I feel like we don’t have “it” together.

?
[/quote]

You are engaging in a losing proposition. You are comparing your “insides” to other Families “outsides”. Eeryone struggles to keep things together-its called life and the only real way to accomplish “keeping things togehter” is to turn your life ove to the Lord. When you finally do this not only do you find great peace and sereninty-you become “grown up”.


#10

When I get there I will let you know.

Keep up the good work.

Pray for discernment.


#11

I don’t know that anyone ever feels grown up…at least that is the conlusion I’ve drawn. I think it’s easier to think of what you expected your life to be like, or what you saw in adults as a child, and see that ideal as being “grown up”. But truthfully, we never really get the “whole picture” of others’ lives, just our own. I would really bet a lot of people feel the same way you do, and I would also bet you’re doing just fine. You’ve made it this far, after all :slight_smile:


#12

Now that I am thirty-six, I definitely don’t feel like I have it together as I imagine someone of my maturity should. However, comparing myself now to the me of ten or even five years ago, I can see growth. I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel competent at life. But, maybe I will. I’m cautiously optimistic.

It still doesn’t seem fair that I have to pay for gasoline or groceries. Should my parents pay for that stuff? :smiley:


#13

When do I feel I turned into a “grown-up”… when people started to call me ma’am instead of miss :o


#14

I had another thought. Maybe you would benefit from *The Rule of Life * by Holly Pierlot or You Can Be a Saint by Mary Ann Budnik.

I’m always reading a book thinking it is the answer to whatever, but I like these two alot. It is just hard for me to apply to my chaotic nature.


#15

[quote=estesbob]You are engaging in a losing proposition. You are comparing your “insides” to other Families “outsides”. Eeryone struggles to keep things together-its called life and the only real way to accomplish “keeping things togehter” is to turn your life ove to the Lord. When you finally do this not only do you find great peace and sereninty-you become “grown up”.
[/quote]

this is a GREAT post…I have to guard against doing this all the time. I turned 50 last December and keep waiting to feel like a grown-up, all wise and wonderful. Then it dawns on me - I do all the same stuff I see other ‘grown ups’ doing in terms of responsibilities and I have a love for being silly…maybe, if I am really blessed, I will NEVER turn into a grown up!


#16

[quote=LynnieLew]Hi there.

So I am 31, married to a wonderful man and mommy to two kiddos.

My question is when does a person become a “grown up”? It seems like I struggle to keep things together and many other families seem to have a maturity to them which we simply do not. Not that we sit around and play games all day but sometimes I I know this sounds vague and I apologize, if I could be more clear I would.

Does anyone else struggle with this?
[/quote]

I think I know exactly what you mean, I married at 19 had 3 kids in 5 years went through their babyhood and childhood years running, and woke up one morning at 45, the year 4 kids married, went to college or otherwise left home for good (lost 3 tax deductions in 1 year). I don’t remember anything between 19 and 45.

I never had a feeling that “I am a grown-up, mature, competent wife and mother.” I always felt everybody else has the script but I am just ad-libbing and faking it.


#17

[quote=asquared]I think I know exactly what you mean, I married at 19 had 3 kids in 5 years went through their babyhood and childhood years running, and woke up one morning at 45, the year 4 kids married, went to college or otherwise left home for good (lost 3 tax deductions in 1 year). I don’t remember anything between 19 and 45.

I never had a feeling that “I am a grown-up, mature, competent wife and mother.” I always felt everybody else has the script but I am just ad-libbing and faking it.
[/quote]

And yet you are doing the deal! I know what you mean…sometimes the evidence of our success is right in front of us and yet…which is why my sponsor and my priest constantly remind me that what I FEEL is not necessarily REALITY!
:whacky:


#18

Hey, don’t beat yourself up, I’m 31, married 13 yrs and have 4 kids, I feel like I’ve been either a mom all my adult life or a wife all my adult life, my oldest is 12 and that makes me at 31 feel old :smiley:

I know what ya mean by others seeming to have it so “together” my sister is 37 and has 3 kids and she seems so darn together and her house is always so totally clean and perfect and ready for company at any moment and food is always cooked and ready and always cookies and cakes for her guests…oh, I wish I had the stamina but I just don’t and that is her and this is me and we are all our own people and maybe someday I’ll have it more together and maybe I won’t.

I’m just happy when I have all my laundry done, kids bathed, fed, house picked up, floors washed, anything else that gets done is a blessing!!

You sound Very normal to me so don’t fret, we all go through feeling like that, I know I do on a daily basis :smiley:


#19

[quote=kamz]Hey, don’t beat yourself up, I’m 31, married 13 yrs and have 4 kids, I feel like I’ve been either a mom all my adult life or a wife all my adult life, my oldest is 12 and that makes me at 31 feel old :smiley:

I know what ya mean by others seeming to have it so “together” my sister is 37 and has 3 kids and she seems so darn together and her house is always so totally clean and perfect and ready for company at any moment and food is always cooked and ready and always cookies and cakes for her guests…oh, I wish I had the stamina but I just don’t and that is her and this is me and we are all our own people and maybe someday I’ll have it more together and maybe I won’t.

I’m just happy when I have all my laundry done, kids bathed, fed, house picked up, floors washed, anything else that gets done is a blessing!!

You sound Very normal to me so don’t fret, we all go through feeling like that, I know I do on a daily basis :smiley:
[/quote]

All people have different areas of strength and weaknesses. Although your sister is more organized then you that doesn’t mean that in some other area she has a weakness where you are strong. She might be at this moment be saying, “Darn, I wish I had it together in this area of my life just like my sis.”


#20

[quote=estesbob]You are engaging in a losing proposition. You are comparing your “insides” to other Families “outsides”. Eeryone struggles to keep things together-its called life and the only real way to accomplish “keeping things togehter” is to turn your life ove to the Lord. When you finally do this not only do you find great peace and sereninty-you become “grown up”.
[/quote]

Wow estesbob!! You are so “together”!!! I re-read this post over a few times because it really struck a chord with me. I always feel like “everyone else” is doing better than I am, that they are more organized, better hostesses, better with their kids, the list goes on. Great advice here Lynnie Lew!!


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