This weekend I spent time with my fiancé. During the time together, we were verrrrry affectionate. Holding eachother close, kisses and nuzzling our faces close (yeah yeah cheesy I know ), intimate hugs and cuddling up, and just plain affectionate! Goofing off, teasing , tickling, the whole bit! During this time and all the physical touching and affection, both of us experienced arousal at different points throughout the day. It was definitely strong at a few points, but it was addressed and nothing further happened. We have fallen into sin in the past, but through Gods grace we have confessed, pinpointed our weak points and we have gotten really good at “behaving”, aka, recognizing when we need to take a step back and where our “line” is. None the less, I can’t help but feel guilt about feeling the strong feelings of arousal. My question is this, when, if ever, does unmarried arousal become a sin? And are there any solid church teachings on this, or is it all up to “discretion”?
You say fiance. How soon do you guys plan to get married? How long have you been together? Have you ever talked it over with him?
We will be married this July , known him for 1.5 years and yes.
Just make sure you guys talk about: money, having kids, if both of you will be working, sex, how you will raise your kids, expectations all around, etc.
Yeah we’ve definitely discussed those things at length.
GOOD! I find that most couples don’t.
We had a very similar thread not long ago.
Imagine the two of you went to the Grand Canyon. You went to this lookout point:
Now, you know where the fence/rail is, but, it will be a much cooler photo op so you talk each other into climbing the fence to see just how close to the edge you REALLY can get. Isn’t that a way to show how much you love each other?
Why play with the boundaries?
What is permissible within dating then? Because even a hug from him or a kiss on the cheek can cause arousal.
Two things, a quick hug causes arousal, that is just something that happens.
Second instance, I know that if I go in for a long, frontal hug that one or both of us are going to be aroused, that is putting oneself in near occasion of sin.
I can understand that, however, my question is more along the lines of is that in itself sinful? I have heard many priests in the past say that what you do with it, meaning the feeling of arousal, determines whether or not you sin. Perhaps it’s a bit of scrupulosity, but I can’t help but feel guilty for feeling that way, And for putting myself in a situation that I would feel that way.
It is wrong to put our selves in what we know is a near occasion of sin.
For me, I’d just make it a rule that we would not do anything to/with each other that we’d not do in front of both sets of our parents, our grandma and our priest.
You have a whole lifetime to nuzzle and tickle after marriage.
That’s generally the rule we follow. And I’d still nuzzle and tickle him in the presence of others. It might be a little embarrassing, and silly, but that in itself is not the same as say, making out infront of other people. Ya know?
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