I am preparing for a confession after a couple of years of not going. Yesterday, it was going pretty well, and I only had three or four things on the list, and I’m thinking, “This is easy! What was I so worried about?” Then I started thinking about it more, and now have a page and a half of material to go through. And I’m like, “That’s ok. I’ll just plow through it…”
Then I started thinking, “What about all those times I think about committing a sin, but then don’t?” I know ordinarily this is just temptation, and not a sin, but… Sometimes when I think about committing a sin, I feel this tremendous amount of relief. Like the idea of not having to worry anymore about whether something is a sin is such a weight off my shoulders.
For example, I generally get the idea of when something is lust. But what about when imagining how nice it would be to think about lusting after someone? Does that mean I have to confess to having thoughts about having bad thoughts?
Or when I imagine just skipping church or whatever, and how nice it would be, but I know I’m still going to go? Does that mean I have to confess to thinking about not going to church?
It is this circular logic that is just about driving me crazy, and why I just dread going to confession. Please help.