When God knit my child in my womb 13 years ago, gave her them beautiful eyes and creamy complexion and the nature of a cherub, why also did her give her the genetic traits of a personality that would see her fall through the cracks in society. He said she will be this small and that height, with those eyes and that social phobia.
Her education is suffering.
When the chips are down its not Gods fault, but when they are up, that was God.I see this all the time. He can be responsible for both. I have prayed endlessly about her situation.
My daughter is being evaluated for severe social struggles at school.
I am frustrated and hopeless. If God is so responsible for our personalities as picked in genetics.
Why did he give her social anxiety. Have we not had enough struggles? I have had more than enough to just give up.
I sometimes wonder why God gave me cerebral palsy, making it impossible for me to play with other children when I was younger, and giving me bad arthritis at the ripe old age of
Im sure there are other students who are like her. Not everyone is a social butterfly. If she can make just one friend,that may make all the difference to her. Maybe you can arrange that somehow? And never give up! Trust that God has seen that this is for the best, and that above all you and your daughter can get through this!
I also suffer from a bit of social anxiety and did throughout child hood. I see now that it is because God was calling me to him in a unique relationship that could only be achieved with him making me just the way I am. Being an introvert allowed me to develop an intimacy with God that I would not have if i had been more outward. It has also given me a certain type of intelligence and sensitivty that friends and co-workers comment on regularly. Being an introvert allowed me to develop mental and creative muscles that I probably could not have developed if I had been chasing popularity, and these things have served me well in life but more importantly have allowed me to serve God and His Church in my own way.
Life is a mysterious balance between God’s predestination for us and our own free will to act in this world. God’s creation is perfect, but the world is fallen to sin - and in that sin, our bodies and minds are not perfect. God did not desire nor spawn this imperfection.
However, he did give this beautiful daughter to YOU. He may be calling you to step in and help her in another way. Embrace this and move forward to help your daughter flourish!
It’s OKAY that she’s being evaluated for these issues! God needs you to support her and help her grow in her own *unique *way.
Try not to mourn for what you don’t have (a daughter without these issues)… embrace your gift (as hard as it may be) and move forward together in love…
As a mother of two sons with high functioning autism, I can relate to the pain you feel as a mother when your child doesn’t “fit in”. It is a positive step that you are getting professional help for her. I see so many parents deny their children’s challenges or dismiss them as “just a phase”.
Have you considered homeschooling? I know that can be intimidating, but if your daughter’s education is suffering because of her phobia, this could be a good option for you. You can deal with the emotional issues separately and provide her with lower stress social activities like parent-teen classes at the Y, youth group at church, etc.
Take some time out to consider your daugher’s special gifts and strengths. Some days will be tougher than others and that is when it really helps to put your faith in God.
I have a five year old who can read, do addition and navigate a map, but who still doesn’t use the toilet regualarly and can’t handle being around a lot of people or having people he doesn’t know well speak to him. I am planning to start homeschooling him this year thru a cyber-charter school. It is a free, pubic school. Check out what may be available in your area. Your daugher can still qualify for support thru your school district if she needs it. It isn’t easy to have a child with special needs, but it can be a blessing as well. I’ve met some wonderful people and found an inner strength I didn’t know I had. God Bless you and your family.
praise be to God! your girl has TWO parents who love her deeply and are concerned to the bottom of their hearts for her wellbeing-- those parents are GOD and you.
herein is a powerful hard challenge-- to believe it, trust it and live it for myself is hard enough. to believe it, live it, trust it, for my daughter who has Down syndrome is harder. to believe it, live it, trust it for my son who is drug addicted is harder still.
and yet, submission to this is where i find peace:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corintians 9, 10
practically speaking, Sharen makes a good suggestion. homeschooling is a great solution to so many things,
This verse is a blessing to me today. Thank you for posting it.
To the OP ~ None of our children are perfect. My child my not have the social issues yours have, but they have all sorts of other issues that keep me up at night with worry. And yet, I only need to look around to see there are people with even greater problems who would gladly trade with me.
It is hard being a parent. So hard. I am sorry you are discouraged. I agree with the other posters though… your daughter is so blessed to have you… obviously you love her so very much. I will pray for her.
One thing I question though is this: I’m not certain it’s God who decided your daughter would have social issues… anymore than he decided my friend would have cancer. I think much of the troubles we face today are as a result of the Fall. I don’t think God doles out hardships… I think He allows them - and helps us get through them. And this I know for certain: Heaven is without pain, sorrow or tears. THAT is God’s plan for us.
Are you sure this is due to genetics and not environment? because my first question is: has she ever been the victim of bullying at school? I was a victim of bullying that included being ostracized and physical and sexual assault. Sometimes the parents don’t even know about the stuff that goes on. I had very little luck until I finally got out of the grade school I was in and got into high school. Then things were better.
Bullying can be a real problem and it is not always physical. It can be the “mean girl” comments about things like hair, clothing, etc, some people will always find something to criticize even if it is Catholic school and kids are wearing uniforms. And I think that still, in too many cases, the schools are not honest about what is happening. I can’t speak to Catholic schools b/c I don’t know the situation, but from what I understand, public schools still often tend to shrug off bullying or at most, tell the bully to “be nice” or etc. which essentially does nothing.
You may find you need to homeschool or transfer your daughter to another school.
How does she do in the summer? Does she have friends from church and/or other places that are not associated with school? Is she happy when school gets out and then very upset to start back again?
Some kids are sensitive and they don’t do well with the insensitivity that other kids can show.
I don’t think learning to fight back, verbally or physically, is always the answer. Sometimes it’s just not worth it, the situation has deteriorated too much. After a while I just started ignoring people b/c I felt upset enough that I didn’t much care about what any of them had to say. That stopped a lot of the insults b/c people realized I was not going to give them a reaction. However I was isolated until I made friends who were a year younger than I was, not typical but better than nothing.
I hope when she is evaluated, they talk to her about what her school life is like, rather than just viewing her as a “problem,” even though she is having difficulty.
I want to add, I did not mean to imply that I thought you were out of touch or not aware of what was going on. It sounds from your post like you have been working hard to help your daughter. However personally, I have found it very frustrating in terms of what the schools are willing to tolerate regarding bullying and just general nastiness. I could be responding from my issues and this may not be related at all, but it was not a trivial problem when I was growing up and from everything I’ve heard, it’s gotten worse.
I agree with the person who said one friend can make a difference. Also, children mature at different rates and it might be good to find out if your daughter is better off having either older or younger friends.
God did not pick her genetics, her parents did when they decided to marry and have children. They did not have a choice since almost never do they know in advance which of the traits they inherited will be passed on to each child. Nor do they know what effect outside inlfluences–radiation, virus, chemical exposure or any other mutation-causing events–might affect their unborn child. If any of these accidents of nature results in an ill effect it is wrong to say God willed the ill effect. He wills each of his creatures to be as perfect as the first ones he created and commanded to “go forth and multiply.” That was his will and plan until human sin entered the world, and that original sin is the source of all the world’s evils, including physical illhealth and disorders.
The confusion comes when we are told to thank God for the good things we receive. That does leave the obvious question you raise–what is our resonse when evil comes our way in any form? The answer has been provided by Christ–we thank him for everything since all that comes from him is Good. We ask him to transform the evil in the world and in our own lifes into Good. We know he can do this because Christ accomplished this through is sacrifice on the Cross. He makes all things new. Every disorder, every illness, every crisis, every challenge can be an instrument and channel of good and God’s grace in our lives if we turn it over to him and simpl ask him to turn the evil into good, to use it to bring us closer to Him.
If you can teach your daughter that truth, that will be the greatest education she can receive.
I so totally agree with Silentstar. My life was hell from third grade to eighth grade, because of a bullying classmate who would regularly pick physical fights with me. The teachers didn’t know all the details and didn’t really care, as long as the conflict didn’t get totally out of hand. I guess they were OK with it, as long as nobody got bloodied up or had his limbs broken. In the meantime, I paid a terrible price in terms of lack of emotional safety and well-being, and sometimes even in terms of lack of physical safety.