Important background info: I am 18 years of age. My parents know I enjoy smoking an occasional cigar, but don’t know I vape. For whatever reason, I am scared stiff of telling them I enjoy vaping. :shrug:
So my mother asked me if I hang out at the smoking area. I told her I don’t (which is partially true.) I go to the smoking area to vape. Sometimes I sit there if someone decides to stop by and I start a conversation.
I don’t go to the smoking area with the intent of hanging out. Did I lie? I felt like I was lying.
P.S. I will try to schedule a meeting with father about scruples soon.
Your really right on the line… idk I am assuming you live under your parents house/rules?
It seems this is a compound lie. You did not really lie about hanging in the smoke area, you lied about that to cover another lie from your parents who sort of still deserve some degree of respect in this regard. I wouldn’t say “sin” for sure without my crystal ball… but as a guy who spends most of his time on here saying “it is not a sin”… errrr I am leaning a little more toward sin on this one…
Ask a preist and in person, talking etc… you can also present a clearer all around scenario.
But I don’t think that you have a particularly great reason to lie… I am seriously leaning toward you needing to admit the truth etc… and stop lying.
Melodeonist, what you need to do more than anything else is, candidly, to stop looking for moral guidance on an anonymous web board. Instead, have a meeting with a trusted priest and continue to meet with him. Although coming here may make a momentary impact on your life, what you really need to do is get your scruples under control and you will not do that coming here; if anything this board will become a crutch, in part because there is always someone on line and a priest is often not close at hand. Don’t get me wrong, you are welcome. But the fact is that coming here, for the reasons you always seem to, ultimately will not help you any and will become counterproductive to your emotional growth.
I used to have scruples Melodeonist. Right up through my teen years. Luckily for me, I had a great Dad who was very patient and had suffered scruples himself. I guess in one way he was happy that he never had to worry if I was up to no good behind his back because I was tortured and had to ask him if every little thing I did was a mortal sin. Mostly, the things weren’t even venial sins!
I just want you to know that I understand that “niggling feeling”. You have a feeling it’s an attack of scruples, but you can’t shake those thoughts of “could be a mortal sin”, so you just decide you’ll go to confession anyway. Again. And again.
I highly recommend finding a priest that you can talk to regularly - it might be helpful if you could confess to the same priest each time and he knows you have scruples and can point out which are sins and which are not. You said you plan to do something like this already, that’s great!
What eventually cured me of my scruples was a book of Q&As from the Scrupulous Anonymous magazines scrupulousanonymous.org/
A particularly helpful quote was something like this (disclaimer: only applies to scrupulous people):
“If you are scrupulous and you cannot swear on a stack of bibles that you committed a mortal sin, then you probably didn’t”.
Mortal sin requires an act of free will and grave matter. Of course, people are great at fooling their own consciences. But scrupulous people have super honed consciences and so it’s fair to assume that they aren’t going to “explain away” an actual mortal sin. don’t take my word for it though, ask Father or buy the book / subscribe to the magazine.
If their asking you if you vape or smoke is the worst thing that can happen to you, you’ve got a pretty sweet life.
Get real Melodeonist. Polar Guy is right.
You’ve GOT to get help fro your scruple. you’re in college now. When do you suppose you will stand on your own two feet?
TALK to the priest. tell him you are scrupulous and your RCIA experience did NOT cover it.
I feel like I tell you this every day.
So you told your dad and he did not care. He’s a good man. He probably realizes you are 18 and on the verge of manhood. This is your first time being 18. He was 18 years ago and knows exactly how you’re feeling. He probably was doing cartwheels on the inside knowing his boy just told him he’s doing things on his own. You most likely made him proud, though he may or may not ever tell you. Doesn’t matter if he does or doesn’t. If he is proud that is what matters.
You mom is a mom and is probably just concerned about your welfare. Get used to it. She will feel that way til she dies. And when she’s gone you will miss it. Enjoy knowing she cares while you live your own life.
Don’t take this next bit personal, it isn’t meant to hurt you. It is just solid advice I got when your age and it’s always stuck with me: You’re 18. Time for your pair to drop and for you to man-up. Act responsibly but thoroughly enjoy your man-hood. It is a great gift from God.
God be with you young man.
If you keep finding yourself entrapped in paranoia over the smallest moral defect, and if people keep telling you that you come across strongly as being scrupulous, please do sincerely follow up with their advice.
I think most Catholics with a normal conscience would look at your behavior and would find it not in the least to be a grave sin. If you insist that it is, or that you just can’t tell, they will only tell you to see a priest about scruples.
What else can really be said? Moral principles might well be outlined, but what are the chances that a scrupulous person might well ignore those principles, or simply find ways that they allegedly don’t apply in their own case? The chances are high, I would say.
Lying is always sinful. However, the majority of lies I tell are venial. At 18 you are capable of defining and learning the difference between venial and mortal. Many of your posts could be solved with that very basic distinction.
Smoking and vaping is absolutely a dumb thing to get involved in. It looks ridiculous, is addictive especially to people who struggle with either ocd or scruples. And though vaping is marketed as an “alternative” to smoking or a way to wean from it, it is more often than not used to hook youth on a drug. Plus the expense…
Read some of the writings of C. K. Chesterson who was a convert. It may help you get a handle on your faith. btw he also wrote the short stories of Father Brown which was aired on PBS which you may find enjoyable. Go to your library and ask about his books. Peace. P. S. I hope I spelled his name right.