I’d like some opinions on when is the right time to have children within a marriage.
**Now that I have a fuller understanding of marriage, I would have to say that you should be open to children from the moment you say “I do”. If you are not ready for children, you are not ready for all that a marriage entails. **
That doesn’t mean that you have to try to conceive from day one, only that you would lovingly accept a child from day one. You wouldn’t consider the baby to be inconvenient or to have ruined your life’s plans.
My personal situation is this: I am studying for a degree and don’t want to waste that by not really having much of a career once I graduate.
So how much of a career will satisfy you? 1 year? 1 promotion? 10? You need to figure out what you want and then plan for it.
It’s not so much that I’m career-driven - at heart I’m a ‘home and hearth’ kinda girl but I would worry that I was missing out on something, or that my husband would feel too burdened by the responsibilty of being the only provider.
You will always be mising out on something in this life. We can’t be or do all things. Take some time in prayer to discern where God is calling you and then commit to it.
As for your husband feeling too burdened, what does HE think about that? I know that my husband would feel more of a burden if I HAD to work and he failed at being the sole provider. It is very important to him that he is able to work and allow me to stay home and raise our daughter. Find out your fiance’s thoughts before you assume anything.
Just to clarify, I know that having kids and working aren’t totally incompatible but once I start a family I will want that to be my top priority, so a career will have to go on the back burner.
I personally agree with you. So really think about what you want out of life and figure out how to get it.
Any advice on how to approach this?
Take what I say with a grain of salt. I am only offering my opinion because that is what you asked for.
Do you think I’m I placing too much importance on career?
Only you can answer that. But dig deep and figure out your motivations. Maybe this is something you really want to do, or maybe you are pursuing this career because you feel like you have to (parental or societal pressure).
Does wanting to experience the working life for a few years constitute a good enough reason to delay pregnancy, or is it selfish/misplaced priorities?
Personally, i think it is a slippery slope. It is something that can easliy be selfish or misplaced, but I don’t know what’s in your heart.
** If you and your husband practice NFP and are open to God’s will and are willing to re-examine the question of children each and every cycle then it sounds ok to me. Also, think about what you would do if you were to become pregnant sooner than you “planned”. **
Working for a few years with the goal of saving enough money to allow you to stay home could be a good idea. But set specific goals. “We are waiting until we can afford a child” is too vague and you will never reach it.
** But saying “I will work for 3 years, save all of my income or use it for large purchases like a home or a car, live off hubby’s income only (to make sure it is possible), then try to conceive” sounds like a workable plan.**
Thanks for any insight you can give me! Sorry this post is so long!
Sorry my answer is so long;)