I was reading this, and it started me on another train of thought… not wanting to hi-jack amgjmj’s thread, I thought to start one on a similar but different topic…
…if one day, I have my own home, and my mother and a boyfriend of hers come to stay, do I give them seperate rooms? It could be kind’ve awkward telling my own mother that she can’t sleep with her boyfriend in my house…
but I guess it’s like enforcing rules on your parents in other ways, as well… I mean, when my step-grandmother came over to my mother’s house at one point, and my little sister slammed the door upstairs, my mother was on the way up to disciplin my little sister when my step-grandmother pushed my mother out of the way and went up herself. She then spent approx. thirty minutes screaming herself hoarse at the nine-year old little girl, using every swear word in the English language and maybe a few others as well.
my little sister was traumatized, and I was shocked that my mother could allow that to happen. rest assured, if/when I have my own family and little ones, no one - and I mean no one will be allowed to treat them in that way. it’ll be up to whoever I marry and myself to do the disciplining, unless we’re not there and it’s a sitter. but if anyone loses their temper on one of my kids like that, rest assured that I will be there to defend my child!
I wanted to intervene and defend my baby sister, but my mother (who is afraid of my step-grandmother) said not to and so I acquised. I hate to think, though, that I would allow deference for my mother or father to become more important than the mental health of my own children.
if (thank God that I know she wouldn’t) my mother were to behave like that in my household when I am an adult, to push the mother (or father) out of the way and attempt to disciplin the child herself - by screaming at her or in another such totally innapropriate manner - I would feel obligated to intervene, to remind my mother that where my children were concerned - I or whoever I end up married to are the primary providers of discipline, and I would let her know as well that if she ever yells at any of my children like that, with the vulgar language and threats of violence and all, that I would have her leave until I was certain that she could remain calm around small children.
what do you think? where’s the line between respecting your parents, and enforcing your rules under your roof? what if I am on my own, and my mother and her boyfriend come to visit? I would feel too awkward to tell them that they’ll have to sleep in seperate rooms, but I would feel like I was failing to live up to the expectations of my moral values if I didn’t. what would you do? where would your line be between respecting parents and running your home the way you think you should?