When life gets too much!


#1

I have been very reluctant to post this as I really don’t want to come across as whinging. But…
Life is really getting on top of me lately. This past month has been one problem after another and none of them small!!!
I have financial problems, major problems with my house, I am separated from my husband, my daughter is not doing too well in her final year of school.
That same daughter wanted to contact her dad (he’s the father to 4 of my 5 children) whom we haven’t seen for 12 years (he left when my then youngest was 5 months old and never looked back) and he has agreed to see her (Aaaaaahhhhhh… HIM back in our lives! 12 years of struggling to bring up 4 children alone and him giving me $10 a month!!)

Also, my brother behaved very badly in regard to my children and is furious at me for confronting him with it and wants nothing more to do with me, he says.
My one year old was in hospital with asthma again and I seem to be sick all the time!!! (everytime he is in hospital, i come out with gastro and two weeks before that I had a terrible flu)
It’s all getting me down and I do trust God, I know it’s His will, but I think He’s been a bit hard on me lately… then again, I shouldn’t complain, it could be worse.
What do other’s do when they have sooo many problems that they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel? I feel so trapped by circumstances. I try to pray and offer it up but my children are suffering because I’m not coping with things. Please remember me in your prayers… thanks


#2

You are in my prayers.

What do I do when life gets overwhelming?
Change my perspective.

The tendency is to focus on the problem at hand, and then when the next one comes, we feel blindsided and can become frightened. When another one comes we begin to buckle under the weight of the situation. Buckling in weakens our immunity and next thing we know - we’re getting sick, which then freaks us out because if we aren’t healthy things will get worse.

For me, it’s critical that when hard times come I remain focused on knowing whatever it is **will **pass and I can come through it.
I do make the time to sit before adoration so that I can empty
my mind of everything I have to focus on. Being with Jesus is
my recovery time. For that one hour I don’t have to think, I don’t
have to feel, I don’t have to worry, I can just be. It’s the closest
feeling I have to sitting on my parent’s lap as a child when I was
hurt or scared. I walk out of the chapel ready to take the next
step for how ever many steps there are to get to the other side
of all these troubles.

The other thing I do about perspective is take another look at each problem. Is it really as bad as it feels? Often times my own reaction blows the situation out of proportion and I end up freaking myself out. I take the time to look for the good things which can come out of the situation because that’s how God works. All pain and suffering has a purpose. When I focus on the positives it enables me to endure the process by which the good comes about. Then, of course, I compare whatever I’m going through to what Jesus went through in the Passion, and then how Mary must have felt - not being able to do anything to help her son…my problems pale in comparison and that gives me the confidence to see things through. I am not alone because I have Mary and Jesus to support me. Before you know it, the bad times pass and I come out so grateful for the Catholic Church and God’s design for life.


#3

You are in my prayers :). I always tell my mom, when everything seems to be falling down and going wrong, that God never gives us more than we can handle, so I’m telling you this too. You must be an amazingly strong person to have this much going on in your life! Times like these remind us of our need for Christ. I hope all works out and cools down soon. God bless!


#4

keep praying and ask for help when you need it, that is why Catholic Charities and your diocesan Family Life Office are there. we will be praying for you of course.


#5

well, your not alone in the financial difficulty department. i’ll tell you what’s going on with us that led us to finally call a credit/debt counselor, and it couldn’t come soon enough believe me, we should’ve done it a long time ago!!

here goes…

since we bought the car back in april, and we need it believe me because of my ill health, we have been living hand to mouth, all the time, paycheck to paycheck. borrowing from one payday loan company to another. not being able to pay the utilities, or buy food, or put gas in the car, or not being on time with the rent.

exct exct exct. the enormity of the stress was unbelievable!!! i saw a commerical on tv yesterday about a credit/debt counselling company, and i gave them a call, and so far, it has worked out good. i had prayed to God yesterday for some kind of help. Well, we got it. we now have a small fee that we will be paying to these payday loan companies that have ridiculously high interest rates!

i have not seen such an enormous look of relief on Frank’s face as I had seen last night! we were all worried that they’d call his place of employment and cost him his job if he couldn’t pay upon the loans. so this was a REAL huge relief!!! imagine, after 7 months of living from payday loan to payday loan and paying silly interest fees, Frank can finally let down his hair and relax a bit.

i have not seen him so relaxed in a long time now. he is actually happy today. i thank God for that, believe me. we can now even afford to give more to the church when the collection basket comes along, and i don’t have to feel like a dirt bag when we can’t pay the bills. we were able to pay our bills for the first time on time in a long time last night!! whew…!!!

Thanks be to God!!! When it comes to your brother, i know you have issues with him, stand firm when it comes to your kids, and don’t let him walk all over you. try to be charitable to him, but if that fails, then you need to seriously distance yourself and your kids from him. otherwise, the tension will just continue. that is not good in your situation. put some distance between yourself and him, don’t talk to him, don’t answer the phone, and if he comes over, don’t let him in, be polite, but don’t let him in. as for your kids father, well, maybe you need to sit down and havea long talk with him, or at least with your kids. i’ll be thinking of you, and praying for you.


#6

You are in my prayers…

Here are a few points for reflection written by St. Josemaria Escriva:
234 You asked Our Lord to let you suffer a little for Him. But when suffering comes in such a normal, human form — family difficulties and problems … or those thousand awkward things of ordinary life — you find it hard to see Christ behind it. Open your hands willingly to those nails … and your sorrow will be turned into joy.

250 One could get rid of so much neurosis and hysteria if people were taught — together with Christian doctrine — really to live as Christians: loving God and knowing how to accept contradictions as a blessing from His hand!

785 If we join our own little things, those insignificant or big difficulties of ours, to the great sufferings of Our Lord, the Victim (He is the only Victim!), their value will increase. They will become a treasure, and then we will take up the Cross of Christ gladly and with style.
And then every suffering will soon be overcome: nobody, nothing at all, will be able to take away our peace and our cheerfulness

691 Are things going against you? Are you going through a rough time? Say very slowly, as if relishing it, this powerful and manly prayer:
'May the most just and most lovable will of God be done, be fulfilled be praised and eternally exalted above all things. Amen, Amen.'
I assure you that you will find peace.

692 You suffer in this present life, which is a dream, a short dream. Rejoice, because your Father-God loves you so much, and if you put no obstacles in his way, after this bad dream he will give you a good awakening.

701 Have you not heard the Master himself tell the parable of the vine and the branches? Here you can find consolation. He demands much of you, for you are the branch that bears fruit. And he must prune you ‘to make you bear more fruit’.
Of course: that cutting, that pruning hurts. But, afterwards, what richness in your fruits, what maturity in your actions.

787 It’s true: when the Holy Cross comes into our lives it unmistakably confirms that we are his, Christ’s.

807 I copy these words for you because they can bring peace to your soul. ``My financial situation is as tight as it ever has been. But I don’t lose my peace. I’m quite sure that God, my Father, will settle the whole business once and for all.
I want, Lord, to abandon the care of all my affairs into your generous hands. Our Mother — your Mother — will have let you hear those words, now as in Cana: `They have none!’ I believe in you, I hope in you, I love you, Jesus. I want nothing for myself: it’s for them.’’

887 The great Christian revolution has been to convert pain into fruitful suffering and to turn a bad thing into something good. We have deprived the devil of this weapon; and with it we can conquer eternity.

1046 In the face of suffering and persecution, a certain soul with supernatural sense said, ``I prefer to take a beating down here rather than get it in purgatory.’’


#7

Hi Jules, I am sorry to hear the hardships that you are struggling with. I have not been on this forum to much and just saw your thread today. I will keep you in every Rosary that I pray and lift you up whenever I remember you. My sister is also going through financial problems and I have to help her out as well as my parents for her to finish college and go to work soon.

I know others have told you that the Lord would not give you more than you can take and this is so true. Jules the Lord loves you so much that you are given all these trials to strengthen you for whatever work he has in store for you. In times like this he is loving you so much that it hurts, doesn’t it. I know there are times you probably sit and try to pray and start to cry. That is okay, who of us have not been there. There are times all you can do is cry and say “Jesus help me.” Our Lord will give you strength and courage when you ask. If you can go to Mass daily and receive Jesus in the Eucharist, for that will be your greatest help. You are not alone, sweetie, we are all here for you and praying for you. We all have sufferings and at times feel so overwhelmed. Pray and pray and talk to someone you can trust about how you feel. Also helping others and praying for others help to get your mind off your problems for a while. I know you pray for others for you have always prayed for my intentions when I write in a thread of some need. I am sorry to here that you are separated, but remember that this may be for the best for all involved. My sister is divorce and we prayed so hard for her not to get a divorce when they were separated. It was for the best for he is horrible to her now and trying now to turn the kids against her and abuses the kids.

Don’t give up and pray for during this time, Jesus is only asking you to walk closer to Him. He is giving you a share in what He suffered and sanctifying you. This process of sanctifying you and conversion is very painful when it is all at once. I will pray for your children and you. Remember that Jesus is holding you in these times. I don’t know where I read this, but it was from a saint and it works for me, but when you have a great suffering of any kind and it seems that you can’t take it anymore, tell Jesus that you would like to hide in His sacred wounds for you need help. It works for me and I do get some relief, even if it doesn’t last and I always get the grace to deal with the suffering.

Hope this helps. Cry, pray and ask for help. You are loved by all of us here and you have our prayers.


#8

Thankyou everyone for taking the time to reply. As hard as things can be, it’s good to know that people are praying for you.
There are so many things I have to deal with and they all need immediate attention. That is the hard part, my brain just can’t process that many solutions to all these problems.
Another terrible thing that happened that seemed to start this long chain of problems was back in August, when my daughter who is in her last year of high school was at a sex education talk, at school, where a woman came in and showed them sex toys(dildo’s, vibrators etc), told them how to use them, explained that they do and that the girls could use them ‘alone’ or with their partners. She told them that masturbation was normal and ok and was good for both partners…etc. All this in a CATHOLIC school… And WITHOUT parental consent. Well, I was outraged, my daughter was disgusted and I emailed the Archbishop, the head of the Catholic education office and we all met.(not the arch) They seemed to be equally upset by it and said they were ‘horrified’.
While all these girls were being taught this, three teachers sat through it, ONE being a man and NOT ONE OBJECTED!!.
They said they were going to rectify the situation and did all they could to appease me as I said I could have a legal case…(they were scared)
Since then, the teachers have reluctantly shown videos that show the consequences of promiscuous behaviour but at the end of the video, they have stood up and said, 'you know girls, that this is just the ‘catholic church’s’ opinion and if you choose to do otherwise, thats your business.'
To me, that makes it worse… show them the truth and undermine it!
Because I complained, my daughter has had a terrible time. Although she is very outspoken in her views also, she is wonderful and even discusses chastity with the teachers, she has been victimised and as a consequence, has all but failed year 12.
My husband, although we are separated, we are on good terms and he has been very supportive with all this. But the separation itself is very stressful. I have been sick and have needed him around, although he does what he can. We have a long way to go but are both intent on sorting through our problems and making this marriage work.
I have another daughter at this school and I’m thinking of pulling her out. I just don’t know what to do. ALL catholic schools here in south australia are terrible. They teach more about safe sex than the state schools. I have such a dilemma. My daughter has suffered so much discrimination and she IS A PRACTISING CATHOLIC.
And have an ongoing problem with my brother and a sister now it seems, but thats ANOTHER story!!!
Sorry about the long rant…


#9

Hi, Jules I know that this is not an easy time for you but just PRAY, PRAY, PRAY do not give up. We get knocked down so many times on our backs, faces, heads etc but get up and don’t give up. Things are hard now but with time it will get better. I know you feel “WHEN GOD WHEN” and it just seems to be taking forever for things to come right. But don’t back down or give up.

Try and work through one problem at a time. The issues with your family try and find a solution if not just leave it because you guys might end up saying things that you are going to regret. And the school issue you had every right to act the way you did and the action you took. In todays world people just have this “I DO NOT CARE ATTITUDE” which is wrong. They are not afraid of GOD and that their actions have consequences. As long as you have taught your kids what is right and wrong to hell with everybody else. Those kids are yours and you have every right to protect them against the outside world and their worldly things.

If your kids want to see their father then leave them. He is their father at the end of the day and he has a right to see them. Yes, you want to protect them but maybe he has changed and wants to have a relationship with them. I cannot believe that I just said this the reason been that for the past 20 years I have not been in contact with my father for many reasons and over the past couple of months we have been in contact with each other. He left when I was 2 yrs old and my mother had to suffer to bring up the 5 of us. And we have all done well without him. But now at 75 he is suffering in a bad way for all the things he has done over the years. I feel sorry for him because he is so miserable. And the worst part his he lost out on getting to know his kids and grandkids. He missed out on the best years of his kids life. Now he is alone.

But hang in there you have alot of people praying for you.


#10

When God When
by Joyce Meyer

We all want good things to happen in our lives but too often we want it now…not later. And when it doesn’t happen that way, we are tempted to ask, “When, God, when?” Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on the when question. If you’re missing joy and peace, you’re not trusting in God. If your mind feels worn out all the time, you’re not trusting God. The tendency to want to know about everything that’s going on can be a detriment to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you. I spent a large part of my life impatient, frustrated, and disappointed because there were things I didn’t know. God had to teach me to leave things alone to quit feeling that I needed to know everything. I finally learned to trust the One Who knows all things and to accept that some questions may never be answered. We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry.

God wants us to live by discernment—revelation knowledge, not head knowledge. It’s difficult to get discernment if you’re always trying to figure out everything. But when you’re willing to say, “God, I can’t figure this out, so I’m going to trust You to give me revelation that will set me free,” then you can be comfortable in spite of not knowing. Trusting God often requires not knowing how God is going to accomplish what needs to be done and not knowing when He will do it. We often say, God is never late, but generally He isn’t early either. Why? Because He uses times of waiting to stretch our faith in Him, and to bring about change and growth in our lives.

WAIT WITH PATIENCE

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting because change is a process. Many people want change in their lives, but they don’t want to go through the waiting process. But the truth is, waiting is a given—we are going to wait. The question is are we going to wait the wrong or right way? If we wait the wrong way, we’ll be miserable. But if we decide to wait God’s way, we can become patient and enjoy the wait. It takes practice but as we let God help us in each situation, we develop patience, which is one of the most important Christian virtues. Patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22). Patience is developed only under trial, so we must not run from difficult situations. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing (James 1:4). As we develop patience, the Bible says we finally feel completely satisfied lacking nothing. Even our relationship with God involves progressive changes. My relationship with God is so much different now than it was in the early days of my Christian experience. It is not nearly as emotionally exciting…and yet it is better. Every change I’ve gone through has made me more mature, solid, and well-grounded. We learn to trust God by going through many experiences that require trust. By seeing God’s faithfulness over and over, we let go of trusting ourselves, and gradually we place our trust in Him. Looking at it like this, it is easy to see how timing plays an important part in learning to trust God. If He did everything we asked for immediately, we would never grow and develop. Timing and trust work side by side.


#11

Continued…

ACCEPT GOD"S TIMING
God gives us hopes and dreams for certain things to happen in our lives, but He doesn’t always allow us to see the exact timing of His plan. Although frustrating, not knowing the exact timing is often what keeps us in the program. There are times when we might give up if we knew how long it was going to take, but when we accept God’s timing, we can learn to live in hope and enjoy our lives while God is working on our problems. We know that God’s plan for our lives is good, and when we trust ourselves to Him, we can experience total peace and happiness. The book of Genesis tells the story of Joseph, who waited many years for the fulfillment of the dream God had given him. He was falsely accused and imprisoned before the time came for him to do what God had shown him he was to do. Exodus 13:17, 18 tells us that God led the Israelites the longer, harder way on their journey to the Promised Land because He knew they were not yet ready to go in. There had to be time for their training, and they had to go through some very trying situations. They wasted a lot of time wondering about God’s timing, but God never failed to take care of them and show them what He wanted them to do. The same is true in our lives. It was many years after I received my call from God in February of 1976 before I finally began to see major fulfillment of what God had called me to do. God’s training period simply requires us to do what He tells us to do when He tells us to do it…without questioning or trying to figure out everything.

LEARN TO RELY ON GOD
Proverbs 16:9 says, A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Proverbs 20:24 says, Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way? When God directs our paths, He sometimes leads us in ways that don’t make sense to us so we’re not always going to understand everything. If we try to reason out everything, we will experience struggle, confusion, and misery. But there is a better way. Proverbs 3:5,6 says, Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. This sounds so simple, yet too many people make the mistake of trying to figure out everything themselves. Most of us have spent our lives trying to take care of ourselves, but when we accept Christ as our Savior, we must learn to trust our lives to His care. When we do, we can say with the psalmist, …I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said, You are my God. My times are in Your hands…(Psalm 31:14,15). First Peter 5:5 tells us that …God sets Himself against the proud (the insolent, the overbearing, the disdainful, the presumptuous, the boastful) [and He opposes, frustrates, and defeats them], but gives grace (favor, blessing) to the humble. Anyone who thinks they’re a self-made man or woman has a rude awakening coming because Jesus said, …apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing (John 15:5). Humility is a covering that draws the help of God into our lives to protect us. When we humble ourselves, saying, “God, I don’t know what to do, but I’m trusting You,” God gets in gear to help us. God won’t allow us to succeed at anything unless we’re leaning and relying on Him. But when we humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, in due time He will exalt us (see 1 Peter 5:6). “Due time” is God’s time when God knows we’re ready, not when we think we’re ready. The sooner we understand and accept that, the sooner God can work His plan in our lives.


#12

Continued…

FROM SEEDTIME TO HARVEST

Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us: To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. This let’s us know that we all don’t live in the same season at the same time. You should never be jealous of someone who is enjoying harvest while you’re still in the planting season. Remember, they had to go through a season of planting just as you are. Seeing the results they are enjoying should be an encouragement to you. Understand and trust that God is doing the very best for you in your present season. Seedtime represents learning the will of God. Each time I choose God’s will instead of my own, I’m planting a good seed that will eventually bring a harvest in my life. If you want to be victorious, you cannot afford to get pulled into the world’s system, doing what you feel like doing. James 1:21 tells us what we should do: …get rid of all uncleanness and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble (gentle, modest) spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls.

Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and when the Word gets in there and gets rooted and begins to change your mind, it begins to heal your emotions and turn your will away from self-will to doing the will of God. Living out of one’s own soul is equivalent to staying in the wilderness. When my flesh is finally crucified and I get out of my soul and into doing the will of God, that’s when I enter the promised land. The promised land is knowing who you are in Christ, knowing how to fellowship with Him, enjoying His presence, and having peace, contentment, and joy. Between seedtime and harvest comes a time of waiting. After a seed is planted, the heat, moisture, and pressure of the ground finally cause the outer hull to crack open. Then roots shoot down, digging their way through the ground. It takes time for this to happen and it takes place underground. Above the ground, you can’t tell anything is happening. That’s the way our lives are. After we plant seeds of obedience, we feel like nothing is happening, but all kinds of things are happening inside where we can’t see. And like the seed that finally bursts through the ground with a beautiful green shoot, our seeds of obedience finally break forth into a beautiful manifestation of God in our lives.

When harvest time comes, the desires of your heart begin to manifest-bondages fall off you and you see your dreams come to pass. You see your kids changing and your family getting saved. Prosperity, favor, promotion, honor, and all kinds of good things come out in the open where they can be seen. In harvest time, more than ever before, you hear from God, you enjoy His presence, and you’re led by the Spirit. Blessings begin to chase you down the street, and joy and calm delight become your normal mood. Are you tired of waiting for harvest time in your life? Are you frustrated…crying out, “When, God, when?” Then you need to understand that God’s timing is often a mystery. He doesn’t do things on our timetable. Yet His Word promises that He will not be late, not one single day. But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day! (Habakkuk 2:3 TLB). God causes things to happen at exactly the right time! Your job is not to figure out when but to make up your mind that you won’t give up until you cross the finish line and are living in the radical, outrageous blessings of God! The more you trust Jesus and keep your eyes focused on Him, the more life you’ll have. Trusting God brings life. Believing brings rest. So stop trying to figure out everything, and let God be God in your life.


closed #13

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