When my parents are gone

I probably speak to or see my brothers much if at all, except for weddings and funerals, after my parents are gone. Our parents are the only things we have in common. My son will soon be old enough to see his cousins on his own. Sad, but thats the way things sometimes work out in families.

I don’t know that is the way “some” families work out. I would bet that is the way most families work out. At least now, with transportation being so easy.

When I look back to my grandparent’s generation, I find that most of their siblings lived within maybe 20 or so miles of where they were born. Except those that traveled to America. Even when they did that, they stayed in the same place, once they settled here.

But for my generation? I grew up in a different state from where I was born. I lived most of my adult life in yet another state. And I am now living in another.

My sister, married someone in the military. Her husband is retired, but she lives over 1,000 miles from me.

We talk on the phone, once in a great while. We keep up with each other through facebook. But actually seeing each other? The last time I saw her was at our father’s funeral.

We just have different lives. I have my family, she has hers.

I get where you’re coming from. I’m already there. Both parents deceased and I have no siblings nor did I marry or have children. My aunts, uncles, and cousins are in the same state - but I have a phobia of driving on the highway and of being away from home on my own. So if they visit here, or I can ride with one, I can see the others. And since my parents and I when I was young lived in this city I didn’t grow up on a daily basis with the cousins.

Facebook has been helpful with all of this - I have gone through times of hating Facebook for other reasons but now I am glad that I kept it. I cut loose some non-family members whose political posts were against my Faith and too much to stomach, kept some but turned off their news feeds if they were less in-my-face. So it works okay for me now.

My hope is that someday I can push past the phobias gradually and be able to visit some of these folks more, and I think there might be ways to do that. Some friends have offered to take me when they visit their folks in those towns, or drop me off with my family and go shopping or whatever. I might get to where I can take the Greyhound bus again, I did that once. Anyway, I’m rambling . . . :blush: Know how you feel, though.

When my dad is gone it will be just my siblings and me. My sister is terminally ill now, and my brother is mentally ill. As the primary care giver for my sister, and more than likely my dad and brother down the road, I seldom get out to see anyone outside of our little family.

I feel a bleakness to my future. I do have a couple of cousins that live 2000 miles away, that I could go live near if need be. But even that seems like a small possibility. None of us married or have children, so there are no nieces or nephews to fill the void. It seems I will be a solitary traveler one day.

It is hard to understand, but I am sure that God will help. I have always had a couple of good and reliable friends stick by me in life, and aside from my family, they have always been so helpful. Still it is a lonely road sometimes.

By the time this happens to me (I’m the eldest of four by the way), I’ll probably be long married and my kids would be as old as I am now. It’d be just as likely with my sister (and hopefully she ends up with the guy she’s currently dating). Not sure about my other two brothers. Right now, the older one likes to say how much he enjoys being single and insists he’s got an entire tech career plan along that line. (I’m guessing a big job at Google or something. :shrug:) The younger one is a highschool dropout who’s practically begging life to give a him a slap.

My only real concern would be inheritance issues (typical as that may seem). On the bright side, the potential politicking is actually the sort of thing that brings the four of us together. Three out of four us shared the same circles of friends growing up. (On that note, I genuinely do feel sorry for my youngest brother.) I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents left me in charge of one or two businesses. Out of all of us, I was the only one who really expressed genuine interest in that sort of thing.

Although, I would be most honest and say I would need all the help I could get! :o


An awkward just occurred to me though in the form of settling things via the trading card games all four of us play. :stuck_out_tongue:

I always had a good relationship with my sister (there are just the two of us, she’s 4 years older than me), but after our parents died (I was in my mid-30s and lost them both in a two-year period), we became very close. We speak several times a week, we see each other fairly frequently and she is very important to me. We’ve both had eventful lives with various trials and tribulations, but she has always been there for me. I love her very much.

I got much closer to my sister after our mother died. She and I now speak daily and we text message each other all the time. Based on the relationship we had as kids, I never would have expected this, but it’s nice that we can now rely on each other - particularly when we need it most. She primarily looks after our 80 year old father because I live in NYC and they are in Ohio.

Most siblings will reunite after their own children are grown and independent. Until then, most families are busy with life. After children are gone there will be more free time to reunite with siblings for good times outside of weddings, funerals, etc.

If your relationship with siblings is strained now, there is a good chance you will go your separate ways after your parents die.

our family is like that too. although there are no strained relationships, distance is an issue and we only see each other at weddings and funerals. we have nothing in common and will probably drift further apart when the remaining parent on both sides is gone.

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