[quote="mdValentini, post:1, topic:296662"]
Right up front I want to say I am seeking help. I know NFP is a touchy topic and emotions run high. I am looking for some possible solutions.
A little background and then the question...
I have been married 6 years to my wonderful wife. We have 2 boys, 2 years and 5 months and our third is watching us from heaven.
We have used NFP since the day we were married and charted nearly every month.
The physical intimacy has been a struggle in our marriage since day 1. The first 6 months of marriage I was finishing school and my wife was traveling 3 days a week. During that time we used NFP to "delay" children until we moved. We moved when I graduated. At that time we stopped abstaining at any time of the month and have not abstained any time since until a month or so ago.
We are going through some very rough times right now. We have been in counseling with a great person for 4 years or so.
Here is the hard part. For the last six years we average about 2-3 times of physical intimacy a month. Now that we are spacing our fourth child and only being intimate when she is less likely to become pregnant we are drifting farther apart. As our charts show, as soon as she is not fertile we don't have sex anymore that month until right before she starts again. Our 2-3 times, which was less than I would have liked before is now down to 1 or none.
I am frustrated because the time of abstinence is supposed to help draw us closer so when we are able to have sex we want to. But the opposite is happening. We desire each other when she is fertile and her desire stops when she is not fertile. It actually hurts for her to have sex the second half of the month. We have been to doctors about that over the 6 years as well. We have tired many different solutions but so far none of them have worked.
I know Catholic is right but how can it be that in a time where we are having such a rough patch, have followed the Church teaching for our marriage, are working with a Catholic therapist, and are in good standing with the Church that NFP is actually pushing us further apart? We are having the opposite effect that everyone claims while using NFP. We like each other less and are fighting more when we are actually trying to work on being closer as a couple.
Thanks in advance.
I feel your pain too. I'm in sort of a similar situation. A woman's libido increases when she is fertile. It's just human nature. It's not hurting our marriage yet, but I feel that it may in the future. I know that abstaining gets you closer to your spouse and sex shouldn't mean "everything" but it's something that both my wife and I enjoy. Why should we have to stop doing something we enjoy? I don't have any answers for you, but you are not alone. I will pray for you.