Hi, all. First-time poster, lifelong Catholic.
I've been with my boyfriend for two weeks (we actually became an item on Easter, which I find really special), before which we dated more-or-less casually for around a month and a half. We've discussed marriage in a vague sort of way, not so much that he and I definitely intend to marry each other but that it's what we're both seeking in a relationship (a husband/wife). God has been at the center of our whole relationship, the beginning of our friendship through now--we've been attending mass together since November--and I'm confident that not only is this something that God is in favor of but that my boyfriend is a gift from God to me (and vice versa, although it feels self-important to call myself a gift from God to someone else, even if it's true). We have discussed a marriage timeline, though: he figures that he'd want to get married around a year after he graduates college, which would be around a year and a semester after I graduate, and I'm on the same page.
But I have a problem: until early October, for just short of four years, I struggled with masturbation. I'm terrified of what he's going to say when I tell him. I'm terrified that it's going to be a deal-breaker. Of course, if it is, I'll understand; I messed up, and I have to suffer the consequences. I've been to confession since I stopped, and God's grace and continued assistance have allowed me to permanently break the habit--it's been more than six months now. I have, for the most part, forgiven myself, although I've never felt more sorry for anything in my life.
So my question: when do I tell him? I don't want him to spend months with me just to find this out and then feel like he's wasted time on a relationship that he doesn't want. But I also don't want to bring it up too soon, before the relationship is ready for that kind of a blow. I don't expect a time really, perhaps an idea for things to watch for in the relationship. I want to be honest with him about this, but not until it's appropriate. Although I have only known him since September, I truly want to marry him, someday in the future once our relationship has had sufficient time to grow, at which point I'd make the definite decision to marry him. But I only want to marry him if he wants to marry me, the whole me and not just the pretty parts, even though I would prefer more than I can express that the ugly parts weren't there.
Thanks for any help you can offer. God bless you.