When your spouse doesn't want to be married to you anymore because you aren't rich


#1

What are you supposed to do? EVERY DAY, and I mean EVERY DAY he complains and complains and complains about this - if he had just married somoene rich he wouldn't have the problems he has. He bought a business. His friend has a business and told him DON'T DO IT!!! He said it's hard and it's a struggle and financially it's going to be hard. But he wants what he wants and can't stand anyone to say no to him, so he did it, quit his job and dragged me along for it. We had a lot of debt over this and he will ask me do we have enough money for this or that? and then it just turns into a fight with him screaming if he just married someone rich, then he wouldn't have this worry. Then he tells me to tell my parents to SELL THEIR HOUSE ( or get a second mortgage) to give him the money to pay off the loan and he will pay it back to them. That's not going to happen. It's rediculous and I'm not asking them to do that. He says it's all MY fault that he doesn't have a good life. He should had married a model who was rich. I mean, sometimes I think he's like a crazy person. He complains about money but he gave thirteen THOUSAND dollars to a con artist who promised to pay off his business for him when his dead uncle's inheritance check came - what a joke. He was "friends" with the guy and I told him it was stupid to do that. We had to take loans on our cars and a line of credit and he gave it to that guy and he RAN. We have to pay it all back and he cries and wonders why it's so hard financially. Umm.....because of what HE did!!!!! It's still not paid off and it's just more debt on what we already owe.

Seriously I don't know what to do. I am sick of hearing him demand that I ask rediculous things of my family like tell them to sell my dead grandfather's property and give him the money or tell my mom and dad to get a second mortgage. It's looney.

We are not married in the church. I went to RCIA and couldn't become catholic because he thought it was a stupid requirement of the church to have to get married in the church. Now he's using it against me saying we are not valid when I did everything to make it valid and he wouldn't go through with it. Now there are two little children involved and I don't want to separate because of them but honestly I am on my last straw with him. And I can't take it. It's not my fault he jumped into this business. It's not my fault he chose to marry me and I wasn't some hot, rich model then. He says I forced him. That's just stupid. He's several years older than me and I was the one just out of high school that he came after and then thinks I forced him into it. He was older - he should have known better not me. He will even say he doesnt' rememer asking me to marry him. He did it on the spur of the moment but hey, I remember it. I can't believe what a jerk he turned into and he told me when we started dating how his culture and relgion is so much better and how he is a good catholic who thinks marriage is for life and all that stuff.

I feel like an idiot for buying it. (and I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little worked up but he just called complaining that he has to ask me if we have enough money to buy this or that and that's what he gets for not thinking it through before marying me). I'm not going to lie. We shouldn't have gotten married and he was having second thoughts about it and he feels like It's my fault solely. well it's his too. He never thinks anything is his fault.


#2

You think he's like a crazy person? He IS a crazy person.

I'd seek legal advice regarding the debts, child custody, and your options in this situation.


#3

Honestly, if I were you, I would be getting out of that situation very quickly. I simply could not cope with all of that. Your husband (or sort-of husband, if your marriage isn't valid) has dragged you down into a hole and it's only going to get worse if he is so obviously immature and unable to take repsonsibility for his actions. A real man wouldn't try to blame all his problems on you. Marriage isn't something to take lightly and I do believe it's for life, but he is not technically your husband and his awful decisions are wrecking yours and your children's lives - and he has the nerve to blame it on you! I can understand being hesistant to seperate because you have children, but growing up in an extremely stressful and tumultuous home where their parents are constantly fighting and regret getting married will have a very large and very negative impact on them. To avoid harming them, you two either need to work out your problems or get out of this awful situation. If you don't think your marriage can be saved, maybe it would be better to start ending it now rather than dragging out the inevitable for years while you and your children suffer.
Because you are not in a valid marriage with him means that you need to either leave or get the marriage convalidated - to keep living like you are is basically cohabitating in the Church's eyes if I understand it correctly. I think you are going to have to make a decision at some point, unfortunately.


#4

[quote="1ke, post:2, topic:217078"]
You think he's like a crazy person? He IS a crazy person.

I'd seek legal advice regarding the debts, child custody, and your options in this situation.

[/quote]

good advice. there is a possibility things will get worse from here regarding debts and his attitude and it already seems really bad, unfortunately. take care.


#5

You aren't doing your children any favors staying with someone who is doing what you describe.

Seek spiritual, financial, and legal advice...

KG


#6

[quote="forest1970, post:1, topic:217078"]
What are you supposed to do? EVERY DAY, and I mean EVERY DAY he complains and complains and complains about this - if he had just married somoene rich he wouldn't have the problems he has. He bought a business. His friend has a business and told him DON'T DO IT!!! He said it's hard and it's a struggle and financially it's going to be hard. But he wants what he wants and can't stand anyone to say no to him, so he did it, quit his job and dragged me along for it. We had a lot of debt over this and he will ask me do we have enough money for this or that? and then it just turns into a fight with him screaming if he just married someone rich, then he wouldn't have this worry. Then he tells me to tell my parents to SELL THEIR HOUSE ( or get a second mortgage) to give him the money to pay off the loan and he will pay it back to them. That's not going to happen. It's rediculous and I'm not asking them to do that. He says it's all MY fault that he doesn't have a good life. He should had married a model who was rich. I mean, sometimes I think he's like a crazy person. He complains about money but he gave thirteen THOUSAND dollars to a con artist who promised to pay off his business for him when his dead uncle's inheritance check came - what a joke. He was "friends" with the guy and I told him it was stupid to do that. We had to take loans on our cars and a line of credit and he gave it to that guy and he RAN. We have to pay it all back and he cries and wonders why it's so hard financially. Umm.....because of what HE did!!!!! It's still not paid off and it's just more debt on what we already owe.

Seriously I don't know what to do. I am sick of hearing him demand that I ask rediculous things of my family like tell them to sell my dead grandfather's property and give him the money or tell my mom and dad to get a second mortgage. It's looney.

We are not married in the church. I went to RCIA and couldn't become catholic because he thought it was a stupid requirement of the church to have to get married in the church. Now he's using it against me saying we are not valid when I did everything to make it valid and he wouldn't go through with it. Now there are two little children involved and I don't want to separate because of them but honestly I am on my last straw with him. And I can't take it. It's not my fault he jumped into this business. It's not my fault he chose to marry me and I wasn't some hot, rich model then. He says I forced him. That's just stupid. He's several years older than me and I was the one just out of high school that he came after and then thinks I forced him into it. He was older - he should have known better not me. He will even say he doesnt' rememer asking me to marry him. He did it on the spur of the moment but hey, I remember it. I can't believe what a jerk he turned into and he told me when we started dating how his culture and relgion is so much better and how he is a good catholic who thinks marriage is for life and all that stuff.

I feel like an idiot for buying it. (and I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little worked up but he just called complaining that he has to ask me if we have enough money to buy this or that and that's what he gets for not thinking it through before marying me). I'm not going to lie. We shouldn't have gotten married and he was having second thoughts about it and he feels like It's my fault solely. well it's his too. He never thinks anything is his fault.

[/quote]

I am so sorry that you married this man and even had two children. You were just out of high school? Did your parents warn you that this was not a wise move? How is his relationship with your children? He sounds at the very least very immature, and very sheltered with regard to money, and not at all like the sort of person who should be in business for himself.

Perhaps some counseling is in order? He is Catholic, but from a different culture? That alone should have been a red flag, but I know some things seem exotic and exciting that really aren't.

I am going to ask if you were sexual with him before marriage. You don't have to answer, but this is the kind of thing that happens when we bond physically with someone who is not good for us. We can't think straight, we lose our ability to say "No!" If you were in a dating or courting relationship with this person and he displayed this kind of attitude, would you have said, "Oh, that's JUST what I want in a husband!" and married him? Would you have told your best friend to marry him? I highly doubt it.

Well, what's done is done. If he is good to the kids, I'd say counseling - if he is not a good dad, then, get some advice from your priest.

p.s. When he starts in with the "If I'd married someone rich," then you say, "If I'd married someone DECENT..." ;) Or even "If I'd married someone HANDSOME..." No , not really, but it would be fun to see his face...


#7

Things will get worse if you don’t do something. You need to see someone who can help you manage your finances, and preferably get this guy some counseling.


#8

A) What he's spewing sounds abusive

B) I'm not sure what culture he thinks he's "representing" but his words and behavior are sure as heck not reflective of the Catholic faith - so please don't let him dissuade you there.

C) I concur with those above...you should probably seek legal advice because he is abusive and no one should be in such a hurtful environment.

And finally D) :imsorry: :console: Sorry...the whole situation sounds rotten. :(


#9

One thing I don't understand is why would she get a divorce just yet? He is not physically harmful. He obviously needs help. Try to get him help and see what happens, don't just give up.


#10

[quote="BlueShadow123, post:9, topic:217078"]
One thing I don't understand is why would she get a divorce just yet? He is not physically harmful. He obviously needs help. Try to get him help and see what happens, don't just give up.

[/quote]

Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. You can't see the damage that's been caused but that doesn't make it any less real. I wouldn't ask a woman who was being physically abused to stay with her husband while he gets help. Same goes for a woman who's being emotionally abused.
OP I'm not saying that you need to leave, I don't know you or your husband or the whole situation. It seems like emotional abuse to me but I am not your therapist.


#11

[quote="Mommyjessica, post:10, topic:217078"]
Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. You can't see the damage that's been caused but that doesn't make it any less real. I wouldn't ask a woman who was being physically abused to stay with her husband while he gets help. Same goes for a woman who's being emotionally abused.
OP I'm not saying that you need to leave, I don't know you or your husband or the whole situation. It seems like emotional abuse to me but I am not your therapist.

[/quote]

Oh trust me, I know its damaging. Its the main thing that separates families even more than physical abuse.


#12

[quote="Mommyjessica, post:10, topic:217078"]
Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. You can't see the damage that's been caused but that doesn't make it any less real. I wouldn't ask a woman who was being physically abused to stay with her husband while he gets help. Same goes for a woman who's being emotionally abused.
OP I'm not saying that you need to leave, I don't know you or your husband or the whole situation. It seems like emotional abuse to me but I am not your therapist.

[/quote]

Also, in at least some situations, the abuse can escalate from emotional abuse to physical abuse. There isn't any warning that this is going to happen, it just does.


#13

My husband before all the really weird stuff started happening was great - and then he got my money to start his business and then this kind of stuff started happening.

1) Don't stop attending mass. Don't give up on the Church. Talk to your priest about the situation.

2) PM me if you would like - been there.

3) Check out this thread when you have a while on NPD I am not an advocate of divorce but I am telling you if he sounds like he has this and others that know him concur get out now - do your best to minimize him having anything to do with the moral upbringing of your children - he will not change save the better of your life while you can - and move as far as you can.

4) Get a lawyer - since there is a business involved pull out all stops - businesses have a way of hiding assets when it comes to figuring out child support and alimony - better your lawyer handle these things as you will be an emotional wreck trying to do it

5) Weekly confession - may sound extreme but it will get you through

God bless


#14

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