I realize that this question cannot, strictly speaking, be answered by anyone on this forum. Where exactly I "go from here" is entirely up to God and His plan, though perhaps some of you can offer advice to put my feet on the right path... I apologize ahead of time. I have a degree in philosophy and tend to be correspondingly long-winded:
Ever since I was a young boy I can remember being inordinately interested in the Catholic faith. I love my faith. I have always cherished it. I can recall with picture-perfect clarity my first reception of every Sacrament save Baptism. And when I was in the 6th-9th grades I felt a possible calling to the priesthood. Let me be clear: my "calling" was, at the time, motivated by a number of factors that have all but disappeared. I loved Catholic theology and history better than any subject I studied (I was home schooled at the time), and didn't seem to be any good at anything else. Except swimming. But I'm not good enough to pursue that professionally. More on that later. I also had no particular desire to be married. Sure, I always liked girls well enough, but at that age I thought the concept of having the power to Transubstantiate was far cooler than the power to produce offspring. But I digress.
High school was something of a change. I went to a public school. Found out that I was much smarter than I thought I was in middle school (it turns out that your grades get remarkably better when you start trying in your various classes... who knew?), somewhat more socially adept than I had been, and became FAR more interested in the young women around me. While I never completely forgot about that calling, I began to consider that it was possible God was calling me to marriage after all.
College was, of course, another change for me. Throughout HS and college I was constantly told to pursue careers of high earning, that if I wasn't making 6 figures within a few years of graduation I had done something wrong. My teachers all had great faith in me. Furthermore, I did what they recommended and pursued a degree that I really enjoyed. Finally, Philosophy is an excellent path of formation to one strongly considering law, as I had for most of my college career.
Fast forward to this year. I began dating a girl who was a member of my college swim team. It was an explosive romance and got going very quickly. While I am still a virgin, she was not when she met me and we quickly wandered down a path where I struggled daily with chastity. I was not without remorse. Beginning January, I began making biweekly trips to Confession to get my head back in line. It was about then that our relationship started to tumble. I watched a study on JP2's Theology of the Body and read some books by Jason and Crystalina Evert. Combined with the fact that I slowly began to realize I could not date a girl who was not emphatically against abortion, same-sex unions, etc (i.e. a girl who did not accept the full authority of the Church on moral matters) and the end of our relationship was inevitable.
(To be continued...)